Beloved: Lovable, yet in a non sexual way. Able to love one without purpose of intercourse. Means special in a way that is beyond that of lust, but means the purest of love.
"So, wassup? What's somebody like you doin' on this side of town?" Instead of going inside we both sit in the lawn chairs on the porch. I watch him pour Hennessy into a red solo cup. "I just got off work." I shrug.
"You work 'round here? That's wassup." He mumbles. "I guess you can get ah lil cool point fa that."
"Just one?" I bump him with my shoulder causing him to smile for a split second.
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"Ight, two since you gotta deal with tha niggers."
"Lexus." I gasp bursting into a fit of laughter. He shrugs looking over at me as he drinks straight out the bottle. "I poured you ah lil cup. Ion know if you drink or not." I kindly decline after a few seconds of contemplating if I should or not, I don't want him to think I'm a complete square but it's really not worth it. I've been done with drugs and alcohol for a while now and I don't wish to pick it back up anytime soon. After a while of silence Lexus turns to me with a expression I can't quite read.
"What? Is there something wrong?"
"Nah, jus' tryna figure out why you here." Instead of batting a eyelash at him attempting to be rude I ignore it. I haven't known this young man long enough to completely know him of course but I'm pretty much used to him being rude 95% of the time. "I was driving home, I saw you and thought you needed a friend."
"And why would you think that?"
"Well." I play with a string on my purse instead of making direct eye contact. Lexus sure has a good way of making me feel small with just a couple of words. "Hello? I'm over here." He moves my hand away from my purse as if I'm a child.
"From my car you looked upset so I wanted to check on you but I guess you're okay after all." I stand completely understanding it's my cue to leave. "Yeah I'm good, jus' chillin'." He tilts the bottle back once again. The sound of dogs barking and the faint sound of crickets could be heard while I search for my car keys.
"Looking for these?" He hold his hand out and there lies my keys in the palm of his hand. "Yeah, thanks. Goodn-"
"Why you in a rush to leave now? What?" He looks me over until his eyes falls down to my shoes. "I'm making you uncomfortable?" I shake my head no thinking about what Nova told me earlier today but yet and still here I am. I'm at a complete stranger's house thinking nothing about my safety. "You're weird ma." Shaking his head he pulls out a blunt then sparks it.
"How?"
"One minute you wanna be up under a nigga then the next you actin' like imma do some harm ta you. Re-fuckin'-lax." He says with a irritated look on his face while he inhales then exhales it. "Well your warning didn't help much. You said you were trouble, that you could mess up someone's life and I've just been trying to figure out if that's true." He continues to smoke seeming to not be paying me any mind. "Did you just say that stuff or is there actually something seriously wrong with you? Like should I leave and not talk to you?" I ask not expecting a answer or even for him to look my way but surprisingly he looks at me.
"Be honest, if I tell you what you wanna hear would you?"
"Well." I ponder for a second. "I wanna hear that you're a good...even decent human being. Just like the rest of us."
"Everybody ain't good outchea' and if you think that you naive as fuck. Everybody got ulterior motives." He mumbles before standing up also then dusting the back of his sweats off. "But goodnight Rayne." He pushes the back door to his house open to go back inside. "Wait Lexus." I stop talking just as quick as those two words come out. What I wanna tell him is that there's good in everybody whether they see it or not but I came to the realization that what he said is true. Everybody does have ulterior motives, including me. I don't wanna be friends with Lexus, I wanted to help him better his life something like my mother; God rest her soul used to do and that's no way to treat anybody. Nobody likes to be seen or treated like a charity case.
"You gon hold a grip on ah nigga all night?" I look down at my hand realizing I have yet to say anything. "I'm sorry, you're right and I apologize for intruding like this. Goodnight to you too Lexus." I cautiously walk to my car and I cruise all the way home to an old R&B disc I made years ago. I walk into my house expecting to get greeted by my dad and Sasha but instead I walk in on him conversing with some girl at the dining room table. "Yeah, it's really been rough Mr. Harris." The girl rubs her arms as if she's cold.
"With Jaco-"
"Sweetheart!" He stands up ceasing whatever conversation they were having. "This is-"
"I'm Tiffany." The girl stands and to my surprise she has a baby bump that looks like it's ready to pop any minute. "Seven months and three weeks." She rubs over her protruding stomach. "Oh wow, it's nice to meet you and congratulations on the baby."
She laughs. "I don't think congratulations is the right word. I'm just ready for her to come out already, you know?" I nod not really knowing what to say. I should be accustomed to meeting people my dad helps out with all the time but if I'm being completely honest it's awkward every time. "Well." My dad cuts in. " I think it's time you better get home Tiffany."
"Wait, Rayne right?"
"Yeah?"
"It's nice to put a name with a face finally." And with that she turns to walk away. The way she said it leaves me feeling uneasy so I decide not to say anything in return. "Thanks for listening to me Mr. Harris. Hopefully we can work something out without having any problems." She says all sweet but I frown at her choice of words. What does she mean "work something out without having any problems?" What problems would my dad have? "Will do Tiffany. Have a nice night."
