Dear Beloved,

42| Same Cycle

L E X U S

"You want a divorce?" She repeats. I smile beginning to laugh. "I'm jus' playin'." Everyone in the room just looks at each other awkwardly laughing, I guess the joke didn't age well. She walks over to me with tears in her eyes. "I guess I love you too much ta let you go too.."

"Um let me take Lenoxx, we'll give you two a moment." My grandmother smiles taking the baby and Rayne's dad into the hallway. I take her hand seeing her wearing the rings. "I guess tha cats out the bag. We in big trouble huh?"

"Ms. Maylene already knew and my dad just found out. I'm so glad I didn't have to make that decision, I'm so glad you're okay." I kiss her hand. She looks like she ain't sleep meanwhile I've had the nap of a lifetime. "It took me almost dyin' for you ta come back to me. I guess this shit was a success." I joke tryna cheer her up. "This whole wife thing is a lot harder than I thought."

"I bet..we skipped tha whole boyfriend, girlfriend stage. Marriage is a responsibility."

"So what are you saying?" She asks sitting on the edge of the hospital bed. "Will you be my girlfriend?" I ask for the first time. Her facial expression changes about five times before she says anything. "We can't get a divorce-

"We're not getting a divorce but we have to start somewhere so we can fix things which means no living together, no spending the night, and no seeing each other naked, and no making out for ah lil while. All that shit fogs up reality so we can have time to rebuild. "Okay um that's an idea.." a tight lipped smile appears on her face. "You don't like it though?" I groan sitting up a little bit. "No it's a good idea I mean we haven't seen , kissed, or touched each other in almost a year- not touched but you know just the standard touching a person does on the daily well besides my birthday of course but I was intoxicated so it doesn't count...Touched is a very strong word and it sounds bad so just forget I said that."

"You didn't get to your point baybeh." I laugh. Rayne's awkwardness is one of my favorite things about her. "Their was no point I- I'm just gonna go get everybody." I watch her walk out of the room until I can't see her anymore. The minute she leaves I press the button for a nurse to come. I begin sweating while I wait. "Everything okay Mr. Alsina?" The same nurse that checked on me earlier comes in. I move my arm showing her my side has been bleeding out this whole time. I didn't say nothing to Rayne well because she's Rayne. My breathing starts to get shallow so she gives me an oxygen mask while she fixes whatever's going on. "Somebody page Dr. Rodriguez now." She yells out. I feel happy that I got to talk to Rayne and that we're in a good place just in case. I know she'd be a good mom to Lenoxx so I'm content if I die. If I die imma die happy..

R A Y N E

"Hey daddy.." I walk up to him getting coffee. "I know you're livid and I should've talked to before making such a big decision, a life changing decision but Lexus made- makes me happy. Mommy believed in love. She always told me love doesn't have a time limit and I never listened to her until I got older. Lexus loves me for all the right reasons and he's never forced me to do something I don't wanna do, he's not controlling, he cares about-"

"If he cared so much he wouldn't of taken advantage of you. You do sporadic things when you're stressed out and he knows that. We've all three had this conversation when you went to Arizona with him. This is the same thing. Now you two are scrambling to fix this sham of a marriage you should've never entered in the first place. You're a baby, he's a baby! You two are still kids for Christ sake." I look down at  the floor. "The next time we have this same exact conversation will be when he asks you to have his baby because he doesn't wanna wear a condom right? Or are you already pregnant? You used to be so wise." My eyes tear up feeling embarrassed.

"We haven- I'm not pregnant."

"That's the best news I've heard all day." He scoffs. "Lexus is my husband and you have to respect him. You don't have to like him or like the way we did things but I'm not gonna allow you to keep disrespecting him like he's a piece of trash. He's not like every other guy." I gasp feeling a sting across my cheek. "Don't you ever talk that way to me again. Do you understand me?" I nod holding my tears in. He walks away angrily and I go into the nearest bathroom locking the stall door behind me. I cover my mouth silently sobbing.

"Rayne? Honey is that you?"

"Y-Yes ma'am." I wipe my tears quickly despite the fact that my eyes keep leaking like a faucet. "Open the door baby." I unlock the door unable to hide that I'm having a breakdown. Ms. Maylene frowns touching my cheek. "C'mon, it's okay." She holds her arms out then engulfs me in a hug. "Let it out, in the name of Jesus let it out." She rubs circles in my back with one hand while she hold my head close to her chest with the other. Crying on a older black woman's bosom heals all. "I'm happy to have you as a grand daughter in law, you're perfect." She cups my face in her hands. "Beautiful and just smart. I don't care who it is don't let nobody get under your skin like this again. Don't nobody on this earth run you but you. Hold your head high and tell em you don't got time for their negativity. If they ain't got nothing positive to say give em the hand. You hear me?"

"Yes ma'am." I smile. "Alright clean yourself up and walk outta here with what?" She asks grabbing Lenoxx's car seat. "My head held high."

"Ahh you got it baby." She smirks walking out the bathroom.

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