Dear Beloved,

11| On The Fence

I know, y'all hate me. 😓

L E X U S

~Chapter Eleven~

"Uh hey Mawmaw" sighing I set a small bouquet of flowers on the table next to the bed. I've never bought a girl flowers before so I thought it'd be nice to pick up some blue roses. I remember her telling me she likes bright colors, I figured she would love these.

I pull up a chair next to the bed gripping onto her cold hand. I'm not sure how a person's body is supposed to feel in a coma; all I keep thinking about is feeling my mom's body the day she passed. Cold just like hers.

"I'm sahrry' I ain't been by to visit since tha other day. Shi- I mean stuffs jus' been stressful you know?" I pause getting my thoughts together. Talking to a loved one in a coma is a lot harder than I imagined. Not getting any type of response just gives my mind more room for negative thoughts to wander but I gotta be positive.

"I'm not mad that you ain't want me ta know about your health issues but Mawmaw I- I can't lose you...at least not right now" I stare at the breathing tubes hanging from her nose. "I'm scared. What if I told you I liked this beautiful girl?" I sit up closer to her. "A girl you'd be proud to call family, somebody smart and caring?" I sigh letting my words come out like vomit. My grandma would usually be the last person I tell all this to but considering her situation right now I doubt she can hear me let alone remember any of this if she wakes up.

I clear my throat. "When I say she's beautiful. I mean she just glows. We could be in ah room and I'm being me I guess and she could smile or jus' say somethin' really fucking stupid and I find it cute." I mumble bouncing my leg up and down. Realizing I'm smiling I lean back in my seat looking around the small room again. "I need you ta wa-" The door opens and a nurse walks in so I turn towards her.

"Everything okay in here?" she comes over and does something to the IV. "Yeah. When you think she's gonna be up?" I ask still holding on to hope even though it seems to let me down every time. Seeing my grandma like this makes me regret not coming here sooner. Instead of getting upset and drunk all weekend  I should've been here but I was scared. I haven't stepped foot in a hospital since my parents passed away, it's all bad memories.

"I'm not sure, just give her some time and she'll be back in business. Don't worry honey" the nurse writes something on her clipboard then she quietly leaves. I stand unfolding a extra blanket at the foot of the bed laying it ontop of the thin sheet. "I'll be back tomorrow Mawmaw" I kiss her cheek.

~

"You look like shit" Royce frowns watching me count the money in the register. "You straight bruh?"

"I'm cool man. Mr. Calvin told me ta tell you he wants the floor swept and mopped" he nods then walks to the back of the store. I finish up counting the money within the next minute so I can take a smoke break. My stress level is at a record breaking high, I've been itching to smoke a cigarette since I started my shift. When I left the hospital I felt like somebody kicked me in my chest, if it wasn't for work I wouldn't have left.

"I don't know why you like him anyways. He's a loser." I light my cigarette taking a long drag listening to somebody's conversation. "If sex is that big of a problem for him you shouldn't be with him."

"Preach." I mumble.

"It's not a problem for him. Ever since I told you about the one argument we had months ago you bring it up every time. You don't have to remind me I'm a virgin and he's not."