Beloved: Lovable, yet in a non sexual way. Able to love one without purpose of intercourse. Means special in a way that is beyond that of lust, but means the purest of love.
Once I arrived home later that night I started dinner. I cooked roasted chicken, vegetables, red potatoes and gravy with a nice big store bought chocolate cake. Something simple. I don't wanna seem like I'm trying too hard to get them to like me. I want it to seem like cooking was a breeze even though I nearly burned the house down several times. Neither me or my dad knows how to cook like five star chefs but we both know the basics and how to use our handy dandy cook book.
I look inside each pot making sure everything looks just like the pictures in the book before I sit back down on a stool near by nervously tapping my fingers on the granite counter top. It's nearly nine o'clock and I haven't heard anything from Lexus yet saying if they were coming or not. I'm not sure why I'm such a nervous wreck but I'm assuming it's because I've always been socially awkward believe it or not and I really get pumped to get to know new people because I don't know how else to handle my nerves.
I jump in my seat hearing my dog Sasha's small barks and then the sound of a door opening. I don't bother to get up only because I know it's just my dad getting back from playing basketball.
"Princess"
"In the kitchen" I mumble checking my phone for the thousandth time tonight. I hate the feeling of anticipation, I should've asked Lexus if they were still coming earlier but somehow our conversation got off track due to my motor mouth. "Hey sweetie it smells good in here. You didn't burn nothing did you?" he kisses my forehead then goes around to look at all the food.
"Huh?"
"I said the food smells good. Rayne what's wrong?" he laughs taking a seat next to me. I guess the anxious look on my face gave me away. I glance at my phone again sighing. "Nothing. I just- I miss Jacob. I'm just worried" I partially lie. It's true I haven't heard from my boyfriend Jacob in four weeks I can't lie, that has me on edge but I know he's busy working.
"That's what has you all wired girl? He's just busy, basic training ain't nothing to play with it" he pats my shoulder in a comforting manner. "Relax babygirl"
"Yeah your right. Thanks dad" I smile laying my phone face down on the counter. "No problem kid. I'm about to go shower. You and Sasha stay out of trouble" he flicks the tip of my nose then turns to walk upstairs.
"We'll try!" I giggle picking up my tiny munchkin. I tuck her in my arm securely and I walk to the living room taking a seat on the couch. I turn the tv on changing it to the Lifetime movie network.
"You wanna watch lifetime Pooh? You wanna watch a movie munchkin?" I coo holding her up slightly petting her white fur. I've had Sasha for five years and I still manage to treat her like a little baby. As I get comfortable I hear my phone violently vibrate against the counter continuously.
"Darn it" I sigh. I stand back up going over to the kitchen. I quickly pick up my phone seeing that it's Jacob wanting to FaceTime me.
"Babeeee" I squel seeing his face face pop up on my screen.
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"Wassup baby"
"Nothing I miss you" I smile weakly taking in his facial hair he didn't have before he left. "How's everything going?" I ask. Jacob left four weeks ago after popping the question to go to basic training for the army and this is my first time hearing from him. I knew beforehand he wouldn't be aloud to text or call me freely so I try not to stress about it even though I miss him every second of the day. We used to be like velcro, when you would see him you would see me and vice versa.
"Shit, it's going I guess. It's harder than I thought" he looks around then back at me licking his lips. "I never been so tired in my life, it's crazy" he sighs. I nod listening to him intently. It's pretty evident he hasn't been sleeping well or eating good. He's a little smaller than before but I can also tell he has more muscle.
"I wish you could come home" I pout. "They aren't taking care of you properly Jacob. I will sue everybody if something happens to you I swear" I feel myself getting emotional just thinking about him not getting taken care of. "Bae chill" he laughs. "Ion need you making yourself sick thinkin' about me. Imma be straight okay?"
"Okay"
"Enough about me how's my beautiful fiancé doing? You started planning yet?" he smiles resting one arm behind his neck while he lays back.
"No not yet. I figured we should wait until basic training is over so we can both tell my dad. I want him to know we're handling this like adults..." I trail off biting on the inside of my cheek.
"Why you looking like that? You don't wanna marry me no more?"
"No, no it's not that. I was thinking maybe we should hold off until I'm through with college because I know you wanna start a family right away but I really wanna have my career first you know?" The last thing I wanna do is disappoint Jacob since we literally planned everything out before he left but some things changed. I wanna be a little older with a stable job when I have a baby not just being a housewife depending on Jacob for money. I hope he understands.
"We agreed on getting married and having kids Rayne. I came here with that in my head and now you switching up?" he scoffs. "That's the only thing that keeps me pushing. Are you serious right now?" I look down then back at the screen. "It's not like I'm saying I don't wanna get married or have kids anymore. You have to understand where I'm coming from." I wipe some tears off of my face. As a woman I feel like I shouldn't settle on not doing anything with myself. Being a wife and a mother is a beautiful thing but not at nineteen especially when I have no clue what I wanna go to college for. Times have changed, I refuse to be a stay at home mom.
"It doesn't matter! At this point you're breaking a promise to me. You can't just talk about something for months with me then four fuckin' weeks pass and now you singing a new tune? If I did that to you it would be the end of the world. I don't like that double standard shit man" he sucks his teeth looking hurt and angry at the same time.
"What do you want me to say?"
"Nothing. I'll send you a letter or something" I stare into the camera watching him sit back up in the bunkbed.
"B-Babe don't hang up upset with me. I'm sorry I'm breaking our promise. I love you, I still wanna marry you and carry your children but please understand" I plead not caring if I'm wrong or right. Our time talking to each other is too short to be arguing. We can discuss all of this later once he comes home.
"I know you do I just don't want people in your ear tryna mess up what we have because they're jealous. If this is your decision then I have no choice but to respect it but if it's not don't let nobody change your opinion of me okay? I love you Rayne." I sigh knowing he's referring to my friend Jordan. They don't get along due to her telling me stories about Jacob and his wrap sheet of girls he used to have before me. I try to block it out most of the times but how can you really when your friend is basically saying your fiancé used to be a male thot?
"Nobody can change my opinion of you" he smiles nodding his head.
"Times up!" I hear somebody yell in the background and he sighs. "Alright bae I gotta go. I'll talk to you as soon as I can and please keep writing me. I love you and I miss you" he says quickly.
"Okay I will. We love you too" I point the camera on Sasha. He smiles one more time then hangs up. I slid my phone in my pocket then I rest my head on the countertop letting the tears run down my face. I rarely cry about the little things like this but now that I've talked to Jacob I miss him more than I originally thought I did. I can't wait until he comes home.
