Everything I Didn't say (Lashton)

I love you

Ashton woke the next morning still holding tightly to his phone. But next to him was a folded sheet of paper. He sat up quickly snatching the paper up. Praying it was from Luke he opened it.

"Ashton, first thing I'd like to say is I'm sorry. I shouldn't have run out on you like that. I never in a million years expected you to have any kind of feelings for me much less love me. It feels silly to even write that. Anyway, I panicked. And not because I hated you or was disgusted by the idea but because I couldn't comprehend what I was feeling. I immediately thought it was a trick. Then as I pieced things together I felt guilty cause I'd basically been leading you on. But then I felt scared. How was I supposed to react to that? You have a boyfriend, who I thought you loved. Your twin brother is my best friend. I just recently got over your best friend.....Which brings me to Hawaii. I slept with Liam and you caught us. I didn't quite understand why you were so pissed before but now...well I can't imagine how you must have felt. I'm so sorry. And all the times I went on and on about my feelings for Liam I'm sorry. I never would have said a word if I'd known... This letter is getting rather long but I want to get this right.
I don't want to hurt you and I don't want to lead you on which I guess is why I won't be home when you wake up. I just can't see your face right now because I'm afraid of what I might do or say."

Ashton looked away from the letter for a moment willing the tears not to fall. He took a deep breath as he continued reading.

"Honestly I never know how I'm going to react around you. One second we're yelling at each other the next second we're making out. Which I guess brings me to the point of this letter, and what you're dying to know."

Ashton felt his heart racing as he read each word nervously.

"I don't want what I'm about to say hurt you so please don't take it the wrong way. I don't know if I love you and I don't want to. I say this because my feelings for you are recent. I noticed them the last night we were in Hawaii. Something about us was different. It scared me to be honest. But I've fallen for you a little more each day it seems. When you said Jace was the guy you'd been in love with I was crushed. When Braxton brought him home I was devastated. When you two kissed I died a little. You walked out that door with him and a piece of my heart went with you. I don't know that I love you and I don't want to because I know we can never be together. It's not because I don't want to but you and I both know Braxton would be beyond pissed. And if anything ever happened between us...I couldn't do that. I can't lose him. I know that sounds like I'm putting him before you, but as his brother I'm hoping you understand. All that being said...I care about you so very much, Ashton and I would like to see you alone just so I can kiss those beautiful lips. one. last. time.   
         Love, always, your Luke.

P.s. meet me at the bench near the park. I'm already waiting."

Ashton jumped up and hurriedly got ready. He prayed Calum and Michael wouldn't be home. He grabbed the noted from Luke and tucked it into his pocket. He checked his hair one last time before walking out.

"Ashton." Calum stood quickly as Ashton entered the living room. Much to his dismay everyone was there except Michael and Luke.

"Hey, Ash." Camilla spoke.

"Hey." Ashton smiled.

"Umm-"

Ashton cut Calum off.

"I have to go. Meet Jace." Ashton said quickly.

"Right, ummm, talk after?" Calum asked.

"Yeah." Ashton nodded before making his way to the door.

"Don't forget dinner with mom and dad." Braxton yelled.

"Okay." Ashton waved as he closed the door. He was suddenly nervous but couldn't wait to see Luke.

Ashton walked down to the bench a few ways from the house. As he neared he saw Luke sitting alone his back to him.

Ashton paused taking a deep breath before slowly walking over.

"H-hey, Luke." Ashton said quietly the nerves evident in his voice.

"Ashton." Luke stood quickly.

The two stared at each other before crashing their lips together.

Ashton gripped onto Luke as if he might disappear.

Luke melted into Ashton's arms.

The two finally pulled apart slowly.

"I take it you got my letter." Luke said biting his lip.

Ashton nodded.

"I'm sorry it was so long." Luke apologized.

"It was fine." Ashton shook his head.

Luke sat down and Ashton followed suit.

"Do you hate me?" Luke asked nervously looking at Ashton.

"I could never hate you." Ashton smiled weakly.

Luke sighed.

"I wish things could be different." Luke grabbed Ashton's hand.

"Me too." Ashton whispered.

"You, understand though, don't you?" Luke asked hopefully looking at Ashton.

Ashton nodded sadly, his eyes meeting Luke's.

"I didn't write you a letter but I do have a few things I'd like to say." Ashton bit his lip before looking down at his lap.

"I'm so sorry about last night. I'm sorry you found out that way. I never intended for you to find out, mostly because I was sure you didn't feel the same way. I was certain I was just a rebound from Liam. But I craved you so much I couldn't bring myself to care. I know you're my brother's best friend but I can't help how I feel. I'm so crazy in love with you it drives me mad. I wanted nothing but to keep you at a distance but when I saw how upset you were over Liam, I couldn't see you hurt like that. I wanted nothing but to make you happy. And when I got a taste of what you're friendship was like, I knew I couldn't go back to pretending like I hated you." Ashton glanced at Luke who was looking at Ashton.

"I hate hearing all of this." Luke said his voice wavering a bit.

"It makes me want to love you."

At that moment Ashton's phone went off. He pulled it out half expecting Michael.

"Jace." Luke said sadly.

"He can wait, I'm with you right now." Ashton shook his head.

"No, you need to go. He's your boyfriend." Luke encouraged.

"I don't love him." Ashton responded.

"I know but he loves you. In time you'll learn to love him too." Luke forced a weak smile.

Ashton's phone rang again. Luke grabbed it this time as a tear slipped from Ashton's cheek.

"Hey, Jace." Luke spoke cheerfully.

"He's... in the shower. I'll let him know." Luke smiled before hanging up.

"You're umm, late for lunch." Luke said handing back Ashton's phone.

"I can't do this." Ashton said his voice breaking slightly.

"Please don't make this any harder than it already is." Luke begged.

Ashton dropped his head.

Luke lifted his chin so their eyes met.

"I care about you so much, Ashton. Don't you forget that." Luke said forcing the tears back. He placed his lips on Ashton's gently before standing.

"I love you." Ashton whispered as Luke walked away.

*AN*
Nice long chapter for you. Let me know what you think! Love you!! 😚