wrong boy ➳ hansol/vernon

• nineteen •

All of the lies, all of the secrets and the overwhelming confusion suddenly makes sense to me. I stare at the now-familiar faces surrounding me with frantic, misted emotions.

Seokmin kissed me when I was dating Soonyoung. I told Soonyoung to stop the car and he did. I don't know what to think right now. The only person who I don't hold accountable for anything at all is Hansol.

I suddenly remember our memories together, like nothing ever happened to make me forget them.

"Nari," Seokmin says, yanking me back into reality. I stare at him. "Are you okay?" 

Silence. I stare at each of them for a few moments each, my emotions beginning to overwhelm me. 

"...I'm fine," I finally respond. "Just a migraine or something." 

Hansol glances at me with a flicker of disbelief in his eyes. I look away and lean back in my seat, staring out of the window as I ignore all stares. 

Do I still love Soonyoung? What he did that day technically caused the accident. I remember our arguments and the nights he'd come home drunk, angry and unreasonable. I also remember the good times, when we'd be taking walks late at night and sharing each other's ice cream. My brain aches at the sudden bombardment of all my thoughts. 

I don't know who to trust and for now I only have myself. 

I'm suddenly reminded of the accident. I shouldn't have ordered Soonyoung to stop the car and he shouldn't have listened. We were in the middle of a road. 

Hansol mentioned to me that Soonyoung told the police in his statement exactly what happened. It's not as though he lied. 

We eventually pull up outside Seokmin's house which to me, now, is so familiar. He used to hold parties here during high school every three weeks on Fridays. I remember the time I was drunk and locked out so I stumbled here. Everything feels so unreal. 

"See you guys later." He says quietly, unusually monotone. He climbs out the car and I watch as he disappears up the path leading to his house. 

Silence overcomes the three of us once again. I glance at Hansol as he drives, an unreadable expression on his face. My heart begins to beat quicker at the mere sight of him. 

The holding hands, the cheek-kisses and the sleepovers. I remember everything about Hansol. My brain reminds me he's like a brother to me, whereas my heart silently screams otherwise. I'm too confused and overwhelmed to think about it right now. 

"Do you want to stay over tonight?" I ask Hansol, turning to face him. 

I sense Soonyoung shifting in the backseat of the car. Hansol looks at me, evidently uncomfortable. I stare back at him with pleading eyes which send the message of: 'I need to tell you something'. He seems to understand as he nods slowly. 

"Sure. Why not?"