wrong boy ➳ hansol/vernon

• twenty six •

Soonyoung leaves for work at around midday, promoting me to text Hansol for him to come over. As I wait the twenty minutes it takes him to arrive, I can't help but feel overwhelmingly guilty. I need to tell Hansol what happened between Soonyoung, I know that, but I can't bring myself to utter the words aloud even when I'm alone.

I took a morning after pill earlier, just in case. I'm not prepared for a mini Soonyoung running around anytime soon; the fully grown one is stressful enough.

When Hansol finally arrives, he knocks at the door once, twice, then opens it like he always does. I sit nervously on the couch as I hear him taking off his shoes in the hallway by the entrance. I suddenly feel sick -- sick with nerves.

"Hey!" He smiles widely once he sees me. Why did I do this to him? He doesn't deserve any harm.

"Hi." I smile and return the hug he gives me. I have the urge to kiss his cheek but fight against it, because I know in a few minutes time he'd wish I hadn't. Not after what I'm going to tell him.

"What's up? Do you have something to tell me? You have that look on your face."

"What look?" I ask.

"The look as if to say: 'you better be ready for what I'm about to tell you, boy'."

I laugh emotionlessly at his comment. He truly does know me too well. My fake laugh fades when I'm once again hit with the realisation of what I did.

"Soonyoung and I slept together."

Hansol stares at me, the smile still on his face as he blinks cluelessly.

"What?"

"He was upset and started talking about how he hates how he ruined us -- and, I don't know -- one thing lead to another. I feel so guilty about it, I just felt so bad for him. I'm sorry, Hansol. You don't deserve this, you deserve someone better. Not me."

When he stays silent I sigh quietly.

"Please say something. At least say it out loud that you hate me."

"I don't hate you, Nari. I could never do that." He mumbles after a few tense moments of silence.

"No, no. Please don't do that."

"Do what?" He asks cluelessly, brows furrowed.

"Be nice to me. Stop it, I don't deserve your kindness. I basically cheated on you -- well not basically, I did."

"Nari, this situation is really confusing. I know the accident and memory loss was emotionally traumatic for you, I get that. Technically you're still together with Soonyoung, you just fell out of love with him. I don't hate you."

"But, why? I slept with him, Hansol. Even if we weren't secretly dating it would have been a terrible thing for me to do. You want to know why?" I ask rhetorically, beginning to feel my emotions rising. "Because I did it out of pity. I don't love him."

"It's alright, Nari. Please stop doing this."

"Doing what?" I ask with teary eyes.

"Blaming yourself for everything."

an; this book makes me feel so emotion i swear

questionnnn: what do you think of the new blankpink fandom name? (it's 'blink' if you didn't know)

personally i don't really feel it, but maybe it'll grow on me