Just Can't Be Forgotten - [boyxboy]

ten

"Be careful, I'll see you tomorrow," Justin said, leaning across the console and pressing a kiss to the brunettes cheek.

Guilt. So much guilt filled Austin's veins as he once again lied to Justin, telling him that they couldn't spend the afternoon together because Austin had to help a friend with moving. Justin didn't seem to be catching on with what was happening, which kind of worried the brunette, but he didn't have a right to worry since he was still seeing Alan, even after it being two weeks since the accident.

Once the door to the car shut and Justin was heading inside the apartment building, the brunette sped off, going to Alan's. It'd been a few days since they were properly able to see each other due to Austin having to work so much. This time he really couldn't help it because there was a lot of things happening at the company and the brunette had to work longer.

Soon enough Austin reached the familiar building that made his stomach twist with both guilt and butterflies. He hated to admit it, but he really missed the ginger over the past few days and barely getting to see him caused some kind of anxious-ness to form.

Austin stepped into the apartment, a big smile on his face as he saw the ginger sat with his knees pulled up to his chest and swallowed up in one of the brunettes hoodies, but the smile dropped as he noticed the ginger staring down at the floor with a blank look on his face, as if he were deep in thought. It made Austin worry a little.

"Alan?" Austin called out gently as he closed the door and removed his shoes. Alan didn't move, just continued to stare. "Baby? Are you okay?"

Alan flinched slightly as Austin sat down next to him and finally looked up from the floor to the brunette who had his head cocked slightly to the side and a worried expression on his face.

"I'm fine, just thinking," Alan mumbled, and he was thinking, something he hadn't stopped doing for the past several days since he had nothing else to do.

"About what?" The brunette questioned softly, not being able to stop himself as he reached for Alan and pulled him into his arms. It was a natural reflex and instinct.

"My life, the things I did and had before the accident. I want to remember, Austin. I want to remember everything other than just a tiny bit of things and just you and my parents," Alan muttered bitterly, though he wasn't bitter about remembering his parents or his boyfriend, it just sucked having those few things in his head and not knowing anything else.

"I've told you-"

"I know what you've told me!" Alan snapped, causing the brunette to frown. "I know that all of this takes time, that all of my memory isn't just going to come back so easily, especially since it's only been two weeks, but it sucks! I hate this! I hate not remembering anything at all and I just..." Alan trailed off and whimpered quietly, tears beginning to spill from his eyes. Austin felt his heart break, like it always did when the ginger got upset or cried over something. The brunette just wished he could make all this go away, to fix it automatically, but he couldn't, sadly.

"I-I just want th-things to go back t-to normal, before t-the accident," Alan muttered miserably, and Austin wanted to tell him that no, he didn't, because if things were to go back to normal, they wouldn't be together, but Austin didn't say anything, just deciding to pull the ginger back into his arms, kiss the top of his head and try to comfort him as much as he possibly could as he cried.

Eventually Alan stopped crying and stopped moving completely other than the soft sounds of his snores. He'd fallen asleep, curled up as close as he could possibly manage against the brunette, his head buried in his chest. Austin felt so horrible as he ran fingers through the gingers hair, and not because he was feeling guilty, but because he just felt so sadden by the things Alan had to deal with.

Maybe things would have been completely different if they'd just stayed together... or never got together at all. Maybe Alan wouldn't have been so hurt and upset during the last of their relationship, maybe he'd be happy and successful without Austin in his life, but then again, he'd probably be the opposite, because Austin knew he, himself, would be. He wouldn't have the job he had now, somewhat successful. He'd more than likely still be sleeping around, possibly contracting a disease. Who really knew, but Austin would be miserable without Alan, he sure as hell was when they broke up.

Austin didn't want to let go, even though he knew he should.

。。。

"Alan," Austin said softly, gently shaking the gingers should. It'd been over two hours since he'd fallen asleep from crying so much, and Austin figured he was getting hungry or uncomfortable from the position he was sleeping in. "Baby, come on, wake up."

The ginger grumbled and slowly opened his eyes. His head hurt horribly and he felt miserable, but his heart fluttered as he felt Austin press a kiss to the top of his head. Austin always made things better.

"What time is it?" Alan questioned, rubbing at his eyes.

"A little past four," Austin told him softly as he reached forward and brushed strands of hair from the gingers face. Guilt. "Are you hungry?"

As if some sort of cue, the gingers stomach growled loudly and his cheeks flushed pink as he gave a small nod. Austin laughed, pressing a kiss to Alan's forehead before standing up and going into the kitchen, deciding he'd make them something to eat, that being grilled cheese because he remembered just how much the ginger loved it.

By the time it was cooked and severed, Alan was fast asleep again, leaving Austin to sit there, his arms wrapped around the ginger, holding him close, and thinking about how, once again, to push down the guilt and fix the situation.