Just Can't Be Forgotten - [boyxboy]

twenty-three

Two weeks after the incident at the restaurant and Austin had yet to go into work nor go to his house. He didn't want to see Justin at work and he feared that if he were to be at his home then Justin would come over to get his things, which, by now, should be long gone, but the brunette didn't want to risk anything. Alan didn't seem to mind one bit that Austin was practically living there now, and he didn't question why the brunette wasn't going to work at all, but he guessed he should leave it alone for a little while longer. Luckily for Austin, he had enough vacation days saved up that he wasn't losing anything, which was more than a good thing.

Currently Austin was sat on the couch in the early hours of the morning, staring off into the barely lit living room. The sun was just beginning to set and Alan was still asleep, his soft snores being heard from where the brunette was sat. Menchi had made herself comfortable beside Austin, purring softly and giving the man some company, but it didn't help with his thoughts that seemed to have been weighing him down over the last several days.

Austin felt stuck, like the more he tried to crawl himself out of the hole he had dug, the more stuck he became, and it was exhausting. Austin still felt so guilty and he felt hurt, but he didn't deserve to feel hurt because he had done just as bad as Justin, though maybe his ex boyfriend had been doing worse, like sleeping with that guy, which Austin had not done. He still felt guilty, though, and he knew that was because not only had he been lying to Justin, he was still continuing to lie to Alan and push him away whenever he was just trying to be a good person and boyfriend and be concerned.

But Austin didn't want him to care because Austin didn't deserve Alan's concern or his kindness, and because of that, it tore the brunette apart. There was going to come a day whenever Alan got all of his memory back. He would know that he and Austin had been long broken up, he would freak out and demand why Austin had lied to him about them still being together, and when that day came- or if it did at all, the doctors did say that all of the gingers memory could possibly not come back at all- Austin would be crushed and would probably lose everything.

The brunette just wished he wasn't so stupid to begin with. He wished that when he and Alan were still together that he tried a little harder to work less and tried to see that his staying late and pushing their only nights they could spend together away was hurting the ginger and he was on the brink of losing it. Austin wished he'd saw it earlier. He wished he didn't let Alan walk out of that door and he wished he would have never listened to damned Suzanne and her wanting the brunette to stay and help with paperwork. He just wished so badly that he could go back in time and tell Alan that he loved him and that he could stop their argument that ended it all from happening; and even if he couldn't stop it all, Austin just wished deep, deep down that he could stop the car from running into Alan's, to just somehow keep the accident from happening and to protect Alan so he didn't hit his head and hurt anything in his body, but doing all these things were impossible and Austin knew he just had to deal with the things he'd done and the things that had happened and he knew he had to learn from them and to keep on going.

But it was hard and difficult and some days Austin just felt like giving up, calling quits on it all, but he couldn't. He couldn't just up and leave, he couldn't just leave Alan behind, because hell, Austin was still in love with Alan. He needed the ginger in his life, because without him, he would go insane.

Austin felt shivers run down his spine as he thought about the fact that he was still in love with Alan, he had never stopped. Sure, he didn't like the ginger, especially after their argument, but deep down, Austin knew he still cared and loved Alan, and it would take hell of a lot to make him stop.

。。。

For hours Austin sat there on the couch, lost in thought. He kept thinking about Alan and just how beautiful he was, how he deserved someone better, because he did. Alan deserved someone who would take him out without the fear of being caught, someone to hold his hand and kiss his cheek without feeling guilty, someone to shower him in compliments and someone who would so willingly shout out to the world that they were together. Austin hadn't done any of that. Whenever Alan came over to his house, the brunette lived in fear that his ex boyfriend would come home and they would be caught. Alan deserved so much more than he was getting, but at the same time, Austin didn't want to let him go, he didn't want anyone else seeing and touching what only he was allowed to see and touch, he didn't want anyone loving him the way only Austin was allowed to. So, sure, Alan did deserve better, but the brunette was going to continue to try and be the best that he possibly could until Alan's interest ran out.

It wasn't until nearly noon did Alan finally wake up and stumble down the hallway, confused and slightly worried because Austin was nowhere to be found in the bedroom. As of lately they had been sleeping in together, so waking up and finding his warmth and comfort gone, it made Alan panic slightly.

Austin felt his heart jump and his stomach fill with butterflies as he saw the ginger come down the hallway with a bad case of bed head, the sweatshirt he stole from Austin hanging off his small frame and the shorts he also stole hanging slightly off his hips. He looked cute and rather cuddly and Austin knew that he wanted him in his arms instantly- there were no exceptions.

"How long have you been out here?" Alan mumbled softly, stumbling over to the couch and curling up close to the brunette, his head resting on his shoulder and his feet tucked nicely beneath his thighs, warming them up.

"Since three this morning," Austin answered truthfully- which he was slightly surprised he was able to do since he seemed to have been lying all the time.

Alan pulled his head away from Austin's neck, a surprised look on his face. "Why were you up so early?" He asked.

"I just couldn't sleep," Austin told him, shrugging his shoulders. It was also the truth. The brunette had maybe gotten two hours of sleep before giving up and sitting where he still was for hours.

"Why didn't you wake me up? I would have made you something to help you sleep," Alan said, a slightly scolding tone in his voice that made Austin smile and press a kiss to his forehead.

"You just looked so cute all curled up and fast asleep, I couldn't bear to wake you up," Austin said, rather smoothly, causing Alan's cheeks to turn pink.

Alan rolled his eyes and grinned before moving his head and pressing a kiss to the brunettes lips. Austin didn't feel guilty as he kissed back because he didn't have to worry about getting caught. His lips could be puffy and swollen all they'd like and Alan could leave as many marks on the brunettes skin as he pleased.

Once they pulled away, Alan's cheeks were a darker red and he had a shy smile on his lips as he looked at the brunette, seeing a spark in his eyes, and Austin couldn't help the next words that slipped out of his mouth.

"I love you..."