Just Can't Be Forgotten - [boyxboy]

twenty-six

Two weeks and Austin had been nothing but a mess. He was never one to take break ups so harshly, but he let this one get right beneath his skin and claw at his chest. He spent almost every waking moment in this bad state of mind, he'd only gone to work for a few days before calling the rest of the week off as he claimed to be sick, when really he was sat on the kitchen floor, drinking alcohol, but this time not wine because it didn't do as well of a job as he hoped.

Austin had never drank this much in his entire life. Yes, he partied while in high school and college, but it was never back to back constantly. It was usually just the weekends that he got drunk and hungover, but now that he was an adult and wasn't working, he was free to do as he pleased, and that's exactly what Austin was planning on doing as he tries we returned home from the store with a bag filled with groceries and another filled with alcohol, though it was only two bottles, but it was enough.

Over the course of two weeks, Austin did try and get in contact with the ginger, but each time he got sent to voicemail, and it sucked. It made Austin's heart hurt and his body feel numb and empty. He was never one to get hung up over a person before, but Alan was his one big love , the only person who had ever managed to steal his heart, and no matter how hard and how much Austin tried to push away the thoughts of Alan and get over him, the ginger somehow managed to find his way back.

The thing was, Austin didn't want to forget. He had spent months before trying to forget about Alan, just for him to come right back. Austin spent months with heartache, want and need, and he spent months trying to piece himself back together- with the help of Justin, of course- and as soon as he got the phone call that the ginger had been in a terrible accident, all the pieces fell apart again.

All Austin wanted in life was to be happy, and he wanted to be happy with Alan. It almost felt like life was pointless without Alan there, because they had just been through so much together and Austin was stupid enough to let that go the first time, but he learned his lesson and wasn't about to do it again, but he knew Alan needed space. Hell, he woke up with his ex boyfriend in his bed, remembering that they had broken up and that Austin had been lying to him- with good reason of course, but Alan wouldn't listen-, so of course he had every reason to be mad and upset, but for two weeks Austin was miserable and he wasn't sure how much longer he could go.

When the brunette arrived at his home, he unlocked the door and pushed it open with his foot. The inside was quiet, like it always was, and it made Austin's somewhat happy mood deflate. He hated himself for reminiscing in the past and remembering before everything that happened, Alan would come down the stairs, a big happy smile on his face as he greeted the brunette with a hug and a kiss. It always made Austin's day better, but now the house was empty and his heart seemed to be the same way as he made his way into the kitchen and sat the bags filled with groceries on the countertop. He didn't have anything planned for the evening, mainly just sitting on the couch and staring blankly at the Tv as he drank away what little feeling he did have left.

Austin hummed softly, putting away all the things he bought. He left the alcohol on the counter, though, knowing he'd get to it later. Sure, he hated the habits he's picked up over the last few weeks, but the heartache and the numb feeling inside of him was what ate away at him and the alcohol was the only thing that was helping remove those feelings temporarily. He was weak, Austin knew that much, but he'd much rather be weak than crying himself to sleep like he was at the beginning.

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It was well past midnight, and just like Austin had expected, he was drunk and singing loudly to the music playing through the stereo as he sat on the couch and drank the tequila he had picked up. There wasn't much left of it, sadly, but there was enough to last him until he passed out.

Austin didn't know what was playing on the stereo, but he didn't care, it's not like anyone could hear him. He was singing loudly, his head bobbing to the beat and giggles falling past his lips as he took sip after sip of the tequila. This was the best he'd felt in quite sometime, but he knew he wouldn't feel this way in the morning when he woke up with a hangover, but he didn't care. Why should he? It's not like he had a boyfriend to impress.

The sudden thought of Alan made Austin frown as he tossed the bottle back and took a large gulp as determination filled his veins as he thought about a thing or two he wanted to tell Alan.

Austin stumbled from the couch and into the kitchen where he was phone, hooked up to the stereo. Austin took it, unlocking it and scrolling through his contacts until he found Alan's name. He didn't stop or think twice as he began calling him, pressing the phone against his ear.

It rang, and it rang, and it rang some more until it sent him straight to voicemail, something Austin was familiar with, but he didn't care. When the beep signalled that he could leave his message, Austin began slurring words.

"You know, it's not a-okay for you to be pushing me away like this, I mean, yeah, I like, lied, but I mean, I love you! I love you cause you're super hot and you're like, the best thing that's ever happened to me, but you just- just don't care, do ya? You just p-push me away the second you remembered without letting me explain," Austin slurred, taking another swig from bottle before continuing on. "That's not okay, Alan, no sirre, not at all! And it sucks that you're not talking to me, I'm quite a mess," Austin chuckled, once again sipping from the bottle. "And it sucks cause I'm still in love with you and I shouldn't be."

The message ended before Austin could say more, and he really didn't want to either. His happy, giddy mood was gone and he found himself sitting on the kitchen floor, leaning against the cabinets as he stared down at the floor.

He was a mess and it seemed almost useless to fix himself at this point. He'd lost one boyfriend because of his stupid mistakes and he'd lost another- the one he really wanted- because of even more stupid mistakes. Maybe Austin really was better off alone.

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this is slowly coming to an end! Only a few more chapters left :)