Just Can't Be Forgotten - [boyxboy]

seventeen

Austin was stuck like a stick in the mud and for some reason he couldn't get himself out. He wasn't too sure what he was feeling at the moment, but all he knew was that he just felt like... overwhelming feeling to be with Alan at all times, and honestly, it was scaring him. He was slowly slipping into his old ways of sneaking around and doing things he knew was wrong, yet he couldn't find the sensibility to stop.

He felt horrible for lying to Justin, and even more horrible for dragging Michael into this mess, and the worst of the worst for letting Alan believe that they were together when they hadn't been for some long time while Austin was in another relationship. He knew he was a horrible person, he knew his actions would have consequences in the end if this all continued, but Austin couldn't stop. He couldn't stop the lies, the sneaking around, and he certainly couldn't stop the feelings that were coming back around for Alan like a train running at lightning speed.

Sometimes Austin would stay up late at night, wondering just how in the world he got himself into this mess. Sometimes he regretted ever letting himself be Alan's emergency contact, but just as soon as that thought, that regret, would come around, he'd feel guilty and told himself to never think of it again. But sometimes he thought about how absolutely stupid he was for letting Alan go in the first place, for not stopping him and letting them talk things through, to see if they could just work things out. He regretted not ever reassuring Alan that he wouldn't cheat, that he couldn't do that to him, because if it weren't for Alan, Austin would more than likely still be the way he was in high school: sleeping around, because after all, Alan was supposed to be like the rest, he was supposed to her just a fuck, but for some odd reason, Austin couldn't find it in himself to just dump Alan like the rest, to give him false hope that the brunette would call him the next day after they slept together. He just couldn't do it, so in the end, Alan became his boyfriend, became the love of his life, became his first real heart break... and now he was just a hidden dirty secret that he kept from Justin.

With a sigh, the brunette pushed away all and every little thought that wasn't about his work as he continued on with what he was doing with the paperwork that he kept forgetting to look over. He was falling slightly behind with things, but he quickly got himself caught up as he spent the next several hours with his eyes scanning over sheet after sheet of paper. God, how he really wished to be anywhere but here.

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It was currently two in the morning and Austin knew he wasn't going to be getting any sleep anytime soon. His thoughts were haunting him- when we're they not?- and leaving him to sit on the couch and stare blankly at the Tv that was turned on and playing something on a low, almost barely audible volume.

It hadn't talked to anyone, not since he got off work. He turned his phone on silent and laid it face down on the coffee, though he was craving to look at it because he feared for the worst; Alan needing him for something really important. But he hadn't moved from his spot on the couch in nearly two and a half hours, just staring blankly at the Tv. He knew Alan would be upset and that Justin would be furious or thinking of the worst, but he still didn't move, and he still didn't look away from where his eyes had been fixated on the screen.

Austin felt numb and cold and just... lost. He felt like he was drowning in a sea of overbearing and overwhelming thoughts and images and there wasn't a single way to escape. He felt like his heart was being tortured, used, and tampered with, and that whoever kept messing with it wasn't going to stop anytime soon. He felt miserable.

Suddenly a loud knock startled the brunette out of his thoughts, silently wondering if he had imagine that or if it was real, but another knock came and Austin knew it was real as he stood and headed for the front door, confused as ever as he pulled it open.

"What the hell? What are you doing here, Alan?" Austin questioned, hastily pulling the ginger into his house.

"I'm sorry, it's just... you haven't responded back to me and I just wanted to make sure you were okay," the ginger mumbled sheepishly and feeling rather dumb for coming here in the first place, but he was curious and worried.

"How did you even get here?" Austin asked, pulling Alan into his arms and pressing a kiss on top of his head. It's not that he wasn't happy that the ginger was here, because he was, he was just surprised and a little wary now, because they never came to Austin's house, they were always at Alan's and that allowed the brunette to not worry about Justin coming over and walking in on them.

"I met some guy the other day, his name is Michael and apparently he knows who you are and I asked if had talked to you lately and when he said that he hadn't, I asked him to bring me here, and he did," Alan explained, he felt small and timid now because he was afraid Austin was going to yell at him.

"I'm sorry, baby, I haven't been meaning to ignore you, I've just been really distracted and needed a little bit of time to myself," Austin said, pulling away from the ginger and tugging him over to the couch where they sat.

"Oh, do you want me to leave?" Alan asked, feeling silly again. He should have just known that Austin was okay, because he was the stronger one and he could take care of himself, but Alan still felt it within himself to worry.

"Of course not, you're here now and there's no way I'm letting you go back, it's far too late," Austin mumbled, grinning softly as he pulled Alan into his lap, pressing a gentle kiss to his neck and chuckling softly as he felt the ginger shudder.

Things felt okay now with Alan here. The pounding and lulling thoughts stopped for only a few moments and Austin was grateful as he swiftly picked the ginger up in his arms and carried him back to his room where gently tossed him to the bed, Alan giggling loudly, before they got themselves under the covers. Maybe Alan was the answer to it all, maybe he was the thing that kept the haunting thoughts away and locked them up in the back of the brunettes mind. It was such an obvious thing, but Austin refused to think anymore of it as he and the ginger got comfortable beneath the covers, curled up in each other's arms as warmth and happiness washed over them both.

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PREPARE FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER WHEN I UPDATE AGAIN BC I LOVE IT AND I REALLY CAN'T WAIT