Just Can't Be Forgotten - [boyxboy]

eighteen

It was mid afternoon and once again Austin and Alan were at the park. The brunette made up some excuse as to why he wanted to go, when the real reason was because he knew they needed to leave his house, because the man feared that Justin would show up and when he did, he would see Alan and Austin would have to explain why his ex boyfriend was in his house without making it look bad.

So Austin decided that before any of that could happen, he and Alan went to the park, thankful that it was somewhat abandoned so they could play on the swings.

It was a very sunny day, making Austin feel warm and fuzzy inside, and maybe that was also because the ginger sat next to him was being rather adorable, snorting and giggling like he didn't have a problem in the world. He was making it hard for Austin to keep his hands to himself, because all he really wanted to do was bring the ginger close and hold him and kiss him, but he couldn't.

"Higher!" Alan giggled, making Austin smile widely. He hadn't had this much fun in such a long time, and this was more fun than the last time they went.

He pushed the ginger higher, if that were even possible, but he sure tried. Alan was giggling and snorting, feeling the wind push through his hair and against his face. He was enjoying this, more than he probably should have, but he didn't care. He hated being cooped up in his apartment, bored out of his mind and not able to do anything. The doctors didn't think it was much of a good idea for him to get back into work yet, considering his accident was only a few months ago and his body was still very much healing and his memory was ever so slowly- if even that- coming back, so getting out of his boring apartment and doing something childish and enjoying things was good and Alan wanted to do it more often.

Suddenly Alan leapt from the swing set, thankfully landing safely on the ground and not hurting or breaking anything, but he still scared Austin who shouted out the gingers name and ran over.

"Why would you do that? Are you okay? Did you land on anything? Did you hit your head?" Austin asked frantically, confused as ever why Alan would be laughing and giggling from this, because he was really high in the air when he leapt and the last thing Austin wanted was to spend another few days in the hospital. He'd had enough of them.

"I-I'm fine," Alan giggled, rolling on his back and staring up at the sky with tears in his eyes, but he wasn't crying, he was still laughing and snorting, finding it in himself to want to do that again.

"Baby, why would you do that? You really scared me," Austin muttered, slightly angry, but he couldn't help but smile.

"I'm sorry, I just... that was so much fun and I really want to do it again and I'm tired of just staying up inside my apartment all day, everyday, while you're at work and I..." Alan let out all in one breath before trailing off. Austin bit his bottom lip and leaned down, pressing a kiss to the gingers forehead before deciding to lay down beside him, even if the ground was slightly damp and leaves and grass were getting all over his clothes and in his hair, he didn't mind nor did he care.

"I know, I'm sorry, and you know we can do whatever you want, whenever you want," Austin mumbled softly as he pulled the ginger into his arms, pressing another kiss to the side of his head. Alan let out a little sigh, not saying anything as he stared up at the sky, looking over the clouds and seeing the shapes and forms they all took, some looking like animals or objects.

"What if I don't get all of my memory back?" Alan asked after a long period of silence. He had always thought of this, what it would be like, how his life would turn out.

"Then we'll just make new memories," Austin said.

"But what if I don't want just new memories, what if I want my old ones too?" Alan questioned, because it was true, he did want some of his old memories, if not all of them, because it sucked only remembering small bits and pieces of his life, but Austin silently didn't want him to have back his old memories, because if he did, that meant he would know that they had broken up, he would know the truth, and Austin didn't really want that.

"It's still a work in progress, baby, you know this. They might all just come back all at once, or they might come back piece by piece, or they might not come back at all, but you just have to take it day by day and wait and see," Austin told him, feeling guilty inside, but when was he not?

Alan sighed again, his mood slightly falling. It was no longer fun and playful like before, but now rather depressing and heavy. He just wanted to remember at least a little bit of something that wasn't from his childhood.

"I hate this," the ginger whimpered quietly, burying his face in Austin's chest as he sighed once more. Austin kissed the top of his head, his hand wandering up and down the gingers side, comforting him.

"I know, baby," Austin said softly. He hated this as much as Alan did, all the constant lying and sneaking around, but Austin felt like this was his second chance to keep Alan, even though it was a sick and twisted way.

"Thank you for coming here with me," Alan said, sitting up on his side and looking down at the brunette, who had a gentle smile and warm eyes- the type of eyes that Alan found himself constantly getting lost in. They were like a whole other world and brought so much comfort.

"You don't have to thank me, baby, I'd do anything to make you happy," Austin said, and though his stomach twisted with guilt, his heart fluttered at the slight flush on Alan's cheeks and his shy smile.

Alan bit his lip, still grinning slightly, and he couldn't seem to help himself as he leaned down and pressed their lips together. Austin froze for a slight second before his eyes fluttered shut he was kissing back.