Just Can't Be Forgotten - [boyxboy]

eleven

Justin was beginning to grow suspicious, Austin could tell, and because Justin was growing suspicious, the brunette was growing nervous and trying to so hard to make sure he didn't let anything slip out, but it wasn't like he was really cheating, because he wasn't. He and Alan haven't had sex nor have they kissed, but Austin still had feelings, he still loved Alan, and that was wrong.

It'd been nearly a month since the accident and everyday was like some sort of waiting game that involved a lot of time and patience. Alan gained very small pieces of his memory, thankfully nothing of what had happened a year ago when he and Austin broke up, but things that had happened during his childhood, it made him so happy. Austin was being patient with the ginger, helping him and caring for him whenever he needed it most, because it's not like he could just leave, not now anyways- and not that he would to begin with-, because Alan needed him more than anything, and if it was in the middle of the night or some sort of crazy storm, Austin would be there.

To the brunette, this was a second chance to make things right, even if he was with another guy at the moment. He lost Alan once and it took some accident for him to realize that he still cared for the ginger and it felt like they belonged together.

But Austin had no idea what he was going to do or say to Alan when the ginger woke up one day and realized that the brunette had been lying to him about being together when they had broken up. Would Alan be mad or would he be happy? Austin didn't know and he wasn't too sure if he wanted to find out.

Currently Austin was sat on the couch beside Justin, both of them watching some movie that Justin had rented for the evening. Austin had decided that because his boyfriend was growing suspicious and was beginning to question why the brunette was never at his apartment, Austin decided that he needed to keep things down low, and one way by doing that was spending the past few days with Justin.

So far Austin was terribly missing Alan, really wishing to be there with him, but he was also kind of missing Justin, missing how they would stay up late and watch terrible movies and eat popcorn and candy. This was too much of a dilemma for the brunette, but he didn't know what to do.

"Babe, you're not even watching the movie," Justin whined, causing the brunette to flinch slightly and snap out of his thoughts. He'd been staring at the floor for a good while, he couldn't help it.

"I am too," Austin said, Justin laughed and rolled his eyes, placing the now empty popcorn bowl on the coffee table and curling up beside the brunette, head resting on his chest.

Austin tried not to tense up, he tried to not let his thoughts wander back to Alan and how he absolutely missed cuddling on the couch with the ginger, holding him close and kissing the top of his head. He tried to not think of any of that, because it was wrong. Justin was his boyfriend. Justin was there to help Austin when he was down in the dumps and completely heartbroken. It was Justin who Austin should be caring for, to be holding and kissing, but he wasn't. He wanted Alan...but he also wanted Justin.

For the rest of the movie Austin forced himself to watch it, blocking out every thought that tried to come to mind. He blocked out the thoughts of Alan, the way the ginger would curl up real tight against him and rest his head on Austin's chest or how he would sit in his lap and bury his face in the man's neck; all of it- blocked out.

Austin wasn't so sure how much longer he was going to be able to keep this up. He didn't know how he hadn't let anything slip out about him going behind Justin's back and seeing Alan, his ex boyfriend, or how Justin hadn't completely caught on yet that this "friend" really was Alan.

Oh how Justin would be extremely upset and pissed because he knew just how much Austin didn't like hearing or saying the ginger's name once before, how it was like some sort of bile and poison that made Austin sick.

Before the accident, Austin practically hated Alan- well, he didn't like him a lot, not so much as hate- because the ginger just broke his heart. Austin knew it was his fault, but the fact that Alan didn't trust the brunette and was just waiting for the day that Austin slipped up and went back to his old ways and slept with people, hurt. It absolutely hurt knowing that the one person that Austin loved most in the world was wary about his actions if they got into a fight, so if Justin knew that Austin had feelings for the guy he used to despise, he'd be angry and Austin was trying so hard to make sure that Justin didn't know, at least for a little while. He had to.

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It'd been almost four days since Austin had seen Alan and it was driving him crazy. He missed him and was nearly tempted to just come up with an excuse and leave Justin for the evening, claiming he had to do something important, but he wouldn't. He felt horrible enough as it was with all the lying he had done for the past month.

The brunette was sat up in bed, Justin fast asleep beside him. Austin couldn't sleep, which was no big surprise. For the past month he only got a few hours a sleep, the rest of the time just sitting up and thinking- thinking of everything he had done in his life, what he did that got him to where he was now, how he had come so far in life, of Alan, and Justin, and his feelings for them both. He thought too much and said too little, which he knew people were beginning to notice. Austin was becoming preserved in his own little world with the constant thoughts clouding his mind, forbidding him to think straight. It was horrible and yet wonderful at the same time.

There was a soft buzz that pulled Austin from his thoughts, and carefully without disturbing Justin, the brunette reached for his phone, hearing it buzz again. There were two text messages on the screen, both of them from Alan.

Alan ended up getting himself a new phone since the last one he had was completely destroyed in the wreck, the screen shattered and irreplaceable, the back dented and scratched. It was better to just get a new one.

Alan:) : I miss you :/
Alan:) : when are you coming back over? It's kinda lonely...

Oh how badly Austin wanted to just get up and leave his house, to abandon Justin and head right over to the gingers apartment and give him the company he was obviously desired, but it was wrong, and selfish, and horrible, and Austin couldn't do that. He shouldn't even have even thought about it. Now the guilt that had slightly went away over the last few days came right back, coursing deeper than before.

Austin: I'm sorry baby, I've been caught up in work

Which wasn't a lie. Austin had been caught up in work, but not so much as he had been telling Alan. This was all just one big mess.

Austin: I'll be over this weekend, I promise :)

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