i'm gonna start tagging my shit from now on, in case you don't want to read about my mush (i understand if you don't, i don't like reading this stuff either.)
I want to make a difference. I want to inspire people. I want to be recognized as someone who did something useful with their life. It's not a need, just a mere want. I'm okay if it doesn't happen. I'm okay with a lot of things.
But... I dunno... I don't have a lot of talents. My self esteem is very low, as well as my self confidence. I've been told I'm funny, but that's more of a side effect than a talent. I'm not very creative, despite what some people may say. I get ideas but I never know what to do with them.
I tend to be a bitch. I take a lot of things for granted, especially my friends. I regret things almost as soon as I do them. I'm selfish. I say these things to myself a lot, I'm constantly reminding myself about all of my bad qualities, and my only way to cope with that is to tell myself that I could be a lot worse. I guess I'm right, things could be far worse. Other people could be saying the same things.
I honestly don't know what people see in me. I can barely stand myself, I don't know how other people do it.
I'm pretty over dramatic, aren't I? Yeah... Despite my low self esteem, I still manage to be narcissistic. I guess that's one of my good qualities. Even if it's something as terrible as myself, I'll still try to make it sound good, or give it good qualities that may not even be there. Of course, I don't have as many good qualities as just about everything. I mean, even assholes are more successful than I am, and they're menaces to society. Sometimes that's why they're famous. It's stupid, to be honest. There are better ways to be popular than to be a bitch to everyone.
Of course, who am I to talk? Bitching never got me anywhere, yet I still do it on a practically daily basis. I think the worst kind of bitching I do is the kind that I can't stand when other people do it, because I'm a true hypocrite. My least favorite kind of bitching is the "You don't understand how I feel, nobody does!!!1!"
Shut up. Just, shut up.
Note to self, if someone says they have depressing thoughts, etc., don't internally scoff at them. What do you know about how they feel? They could have it as just as bad as you, maybe even worse. You're not some special snowflake. You know that, I shouldn't have to remind you.
When people (specifically people younger than me) say they're dying inside or whatever, I don't know why, but I immediately assume they're just being an over dramatic edgy teen. I could be right, but I may never know for sure.
I honestly can't even tell if I'm actually mentally unstable or just over dramatic, I'm afraid of the possibility that this is actually just some cringey phase.
If it is I hate myself infinitely more than I already do.
