this is so fucking stupid i hate being depressed and feeling useless because i know i'm not i know i'm capable of doing things but there's still a part of me that's just a dead weight keeping me from getting anything done
i want so badly to not rely so much on motivation, or validation, or any of that stuff it's all garbage everything is useless but god how i wish i believed that it wasn't true.
ignorance is bliss and im suffering
just I've been having a lot of existential crisis lately and they're really comforting and uncomforting like I feel like there's like there's no consequences for anything really like if you look at it in a certain way but it just gives everything a sense of hopelessness about also not
sorry I'm just talking and walking and talking and doing a thing where you like him you are who you are first in all microphone thing on your phone and then you start talking into the microphone it types for you yeah I'm doing that
sorry if it doesn't make any sense but I think you guys can notice that I write the way I talk so that's cool
I want to 7-Eleven and I bought this thing called a yoohoo it's like a chocolate drink but is not milk it's like just chocolate it's really weird but it doesn't taste bad
I also bought some donuts but which is a stupid idea because I can't do all these things at the same time also I don't have any pockets so I'm just walking with shit my hands
honestly it's kind of embarrassing but it's not like there's a lot of people around so Who really cares if I'm just talking about my feelings into my phone like a weird person that is sad fuck
like I don't think there's anything wrong with me per se it's just doesn't really fit societies definition of normal but really what does?
The drink is like a really dark brown it doesn't taste like dark chocolate that just has this weird chocolate whenever I don't think it's real chocolate which is weird cuz I don't like real chocolate fuck i do like real chocolate actually I just don't like fake chocolate but this is some fake chocolate that I actually don't mind that much
ever had that flavor of laffy taffy that was supposed to taste like chocolate but it just tasted really bad because like it was like a shitty discounts $.99 store Tootsie Roll
I don't even like Tootsie Roll's Tootsie Roll's are just as bad but not as bad as the chocolate Laffey taffy
i'm just going off on a tangent now but you know what that's fine that's what this book is for it's for me just talking and talking and talking forever just keep talking in my phone as it picks it all up and gets every other word wrong
but I'm gonna look back on this in the future when I read through my book I feel like wow this is really profound shit just kidding it's the stupidest thing ever I really I'm really bad at talking about my feelings especially with actually talking I'm better just writing but obviously I can't write right now I have a glass bottle of chocolate water in my hands
speaking of which why is the bottle glass it's like they had like bottles plastic bottles of nest quick that were more expensive that nest quick cost more than the glass bottle which is stupid because glass is more expensive than plastic
I just really dumb just everything is so surreal now like the things that I feel like it's cold but I don't feel affected by it though it's just a thing that's happening to me and I don't understand it I don't understand anything
I know full well that I don't have to understand but I've always been like this I've always been questioning everything I should really just focus on the things that are important but that's just the thing nothing is important everything just acts like it is but nothing is important
I don't know maybe I'm just being ridiculous but at least I'm home now so I don't have to walk around with a bunch of shit in my hands
