The Only Way Out [Book 2]

Chapter 63 - A Sharp Knife

A/N: I went to Costco and bought some Kleenex in bulk for all of us. (That's code for you might cry.)

***Bea's POV

It's a dreary Wednesday morning, but it's not just any Wednesday. Today, my husband and I will say goodbye to our beautiful baby boy.

No matter how many times I look over the certificate, I will never fully understand my son's death because it was labeled as unexplainable and sudden.

And my question of 'why?' will never truly be answered.

Over the past few days, Harry and I have grieved both together and separately. We've been together long enough to know when the other needs to be alone or comforted, but that doesn't mean it has made it any easier.

The only time I left the house was when Harry made me so we could plan the funeral. We chose a white casket and I nearly had a panic attack when I saw the tiny size. The only thing that kept me from going insane was Harry and I felt terrible because he was grieving just as much as I was.

There were so many details, so instead of letting myself become overwhelmed with the different options, I just chose white and blue for everything.

The khaki pants, blue plaid shirt and clip-on bow tie that I had planned for him to wear at our professional family photo that never happened, was now the outfit that I was going to 'send him away' in.

The guilt that I first felt on that horrible Friday has only gotten worse and I'll never forgive myself for not checking on him sooner. While Harry keeps telling me that it's not my fault, I know deep down that he blames me.

And he's right to do so because it is my fault.

I hear Harry call my name from the hallway, immediately followed by Ferris' giggles and I quickly zip up the side zipper on my black maternity dress.

"There's Mummy," he says, walking into our bedroom and he kisses Ferris' cheek. "We found her."

He's already dressed in his black suit and thanks to him, Ferris is already in her black dress that my mom bought specifically for this occasion.

"Limo's here, Love," he quietly says, walking over to me and Ferris smiles brightly at me.

"Hi, Mommy! Hold you, Mommy."

My sweet girl holds out her arms for me and I quietly clap my hands one time, inviting her. Harry leans her over and I take her to hold on my hip, trying my best to smile.

"Where's, where's, where's Baby Brother?" she asks with a worried look and my heart breaks for the millionth time.

"He went to be with the angels, remember, Love?" Harry kindly says and she nods.

That excuse is what Harry and I have decided to tell our two-and-a-half-year-old daughter for right now. She's too young to comprehend death and neither Harry or I want to teach her about it now.

One day, when she's older, we'll tell her all about her baby brother and what a good big sister she was for fifteen days.

Pressing my lips to her temple, I close my eyes and hold my sweet girl to me. Tears begin to fill my eyes and I'm suddenly very grateful that I'm wearing waterproof mascara.

Before too long, Ferris becomes bored and reaches out for her father.

"We should probably head downstairs now, Love," he says, situating Ferris on his hip and he kisses her head.

"Okay, I'm almost ready," I smile softly, watching Ferris play with Harry's tie. "Just gotta put on my shoes."

"We'll wait for you," he says, lightly bouncing Ferris in his arm, probably to distract her and she giggles. "Won't we, Princess?"