The Only Way Out [Book 2]

Chapter 69 - Uncomfortable Silence

***Bea's POV

"I'm all done with my lunch, Mommy," Ferris proudly says, waving her sippy cup all around.

"Was it yummy?" I knowingly ask as I wipe down her messy face and she nods.

"Yeah! And I ate all my carrots, too," she says and I stand here frozen at her words.

Oh my God, her stutter is disappearing. He was right.

"Mommy, I said I ate all my carrots," she taps my arm, clearly wanting recognition for such a feat.

"Good job, Ferris," I praise her as I take off her bib and she smiles her dimpled smile that she inherited from her father. "Okay, now hold my hands and slide off the chair like a big girl."

Ferris looks up at me with unsure blue eyes and I remind her that she's a big girl. With that as encouragement, she slides off the dining chair and I cheer for her. While she claps for herself, I gather the dishes to take to the sink and the clock on the microwave captures my attention.

I can't believe the day is half gone. Ugh, I should check on him. He's gonna be so hungover.

"I have to go potty, Mommy."

"Just a second, Ferris. I'm getting Dadda some coffee."

"But I have to go now," she whines and I try to hold back my laugh at her little dance while I pour some fresh coffee into a mug. "Mommyyy."

"Okay, okay, let's go potty like a big girl upstairs."

Ferris trots off in front of me, holding her front and backside and I shake my head with a smile.

She has been the only comic relief in this house for a month and the only reason that keeps me from going insane.

This past month was harder than I anticipated and I knew it would be difficult. The guilt of knowing Sebastian's death is my fault is eating away at me little by little every day and the only way I can deal with it is to shift the blame.

And Harry just so happens to be an easy target.

"Hurry, Mommy, I have to go really bad."

"Okay, I'm coming, Ferris."

Carefully holding the hot cup of coffee, I follow Ferris upstairs and my heart starts beating faster with each step. I'm extremely nervous and I hope he's still asleep so I don't have to face him.

Waking up next to Harry this morning was a surreal and almost spiritual experience. I stayed in bed for a while just quietly watching him sleep and listening to him snore. For a reason I can't explain, I wanted to wake him up and talk.

Maybe it's because you're lonely and miserable and miss him so much, Bea. Well, I guess I figured out the reason.

"Mommy, I can't reach the light," Ferris' voice is strained and I quickly look over to her bathroom to see her on her tiptoes.

"I'm coming, hold on," I coo, hurrying over and I turn on the light. "Can you pull down your pants and pullups like a big girl?"

"Yeah, I do it," she nods and runs over to her pink plastic toilet. "I have to go number two."

"Alright, that's fine. I'll be right back, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy," she grunts and I leave before she can see me smile.

As I walk over to my bedroom, my smile fades and I exhale a sharp breath to control my nerves. Hoping that he's still asleep, I lightly knock before opening the door and I peek inside.