Upside Down (Jensen Ackles)

chapter 11

Lydia's P.O.V.

The sound of glass breaking and something cutting my skin shook me out of my thoughts. Everyone stopped talking and you could literally hear a pin drop. I looked down at the now broken jar of strawberry marmalade on the floor, and the little glass that cut the front of my leg. A little blood started dripping.

"I... I am sorry I will clean up..." I whispered at Gen.

"No sweetheart it's okay things like that happen all the time. You go put put something on that cut to stop the bleeding alright?" She smiled comfortingly at me as she rubbed my back.

"Wait Gen!" Said the brown haired woman. "I haven't met the girl before! Won't you introduce us?" She fake smiled. Gen looked at her with an expressionless face, and said monotonously:

"Sure. Lydia this is Daneel. Daneel this is Lydia." The name made me even more shocked and heartbroken. I gave her a slight nod as I turned around to look at Allison, cause If I looked at Jensen I would start crying. Allison looked pissed. I mean really pissed. She was glaring at Jensen, and If looks could kill Daneel would be on the ground. I had told her about their history.

I quickly walked upstairs and Allison followed me. Everyone went back to talking and laughing thank god. The faster I walked the harder it was to breath. I was shaking and I think I was starting to have a panic attack.

"I can't believe it... He is back with his ex? Or were they together the whole time?" Allison said as she paced back and forth in the room obviously not noticing my state. When she didn't get an answer she looked at me and her eyes went wide.

I was on sitting on the ground my back on a wall as I tried to breath but I couldn't. My vision was blurry and Allison's lips were moving, but I couldn't hear a thing. I only heard her say "Lydia is this a panic attack?" and "Oh god... Calm down love please." But I couldn't. I couldn't calm down. I shouldn't have let Jensen in. I shouldn't have fell for him so hard. Because everything that falls gets broken.

After a few seconds my breathing went back to normal. I took a deep breath and as I let it out tears fell from my eyes. Allison looked relieved that I could breath again and then she hugged me as I cried in her shoulder. Someone knocked the door.

"Lydia... Please open up" It was Jensen. His voice was calm but sad at the same time. Why the hell would be sad? He finally got what he wanted. He just used me, I meant nothing to him. Allison went to the door and I got up as my back was facing them.

"Leave dude" Allison said coldly. "You broke my best friend's heart. If you don't want me to break your fucking face, don't you dare step in this room"

"Lydia just listen to me.. I have so many things to explain" I turned around and looked at him with a cold expression. Thank god I had stopped crying

"Well I have nothing to say. Now go downstairs your girlfriend must be missing you already."

"Please just let me explain... Then I will go" He pleaded. He looked at me with sad eyes but I looked away.

"Allison give us a moment please" I told her softly. She was hesitant at first but then she walked out before giving a death glare at Jensen.

"I don't want you to think that I played you. Okay? I am not that kind of guy... Today when I left your house and I went to mine, Daneel was already there. It took me by surprise because I didn't think she would ever come back... And when I saw her... I knew I had kinda missed her... Justice Jay has missed her too... " My heart sank like Titanic. He continued: " And you are only 16 Lydia... You are way too young for me.. I am old enough to be your father, you have a life to live you are so young.. And you also know that Jared would never approve." He said and sighed. "I am so sorry Lyds... I didn't mean to hurt you but this is better for everyone" He looked at me and I could see the regret in his eyes. My eyes watered again. I won't cry. Not in front of him.

"I should hate you..." I said "I should hate you so much..." I said my voice breaking as I looked into the eyes of my first love.

"I am so sorry..." He said sadly and slowly walked away from me. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to beg him not to leave me. I wanted him to hold me as I cried. I wanted him to love me.

He shut the door and I broke down in tears again. Allison stormed in the room and held me as I cried. Why is life so unfair? After a few minutes that felt like an eternity I pulled my self together and looked my self in the mirror. I was a mess. I brushed my hair to make it look good again, put fixed my make up and dress and faked a smile. People were downstairs waiting for me and Allison, and I couldn't let anyone get suspicious. If they weren't already.

"Um.. Lydia we don't have to.."

"No we do." I cut her off. "I will fake a smile for the world. That is what I do, I did, and will always do. I have survived the loss of my parents." Lie. "I can survive a stupid breakup" I only said those words so I would believe them myself, and as hard as I tried I couldn't. Allison sighed and we walked out and downstairs. Everyone was already at the table.

"Hey girls here you are! What took you so long?" Jared asked.

"A friend of ours called and asked for some homework advice sorry" I said and thankfully my voice was back to normal. Everyone except Jensen of course, bought it so we took our seats and started eating, before I met Jared's and Gen's parents. Misha had an empty seat next to him for Allison, and the only blank seat was next to Daneel. Obviously.

Allison looked at me as If she was asking me If I were okay with that. I nodded that I am good. There is no way in hell I will let that bitch control me. I can do this. I sat next to her and she purposely leaned on Jensen's shoulder.

"So how old are you sweety?" She asked me with a fake smile.

"16" I said while looking at my plate. There were so many foods on the table and to be honest I think I will throw up If I eat anything. But of course everyone would get suspicious If I didn't so I served my self some spaghetti with cheese and meat.

"Can you give me the salad sweety?" Daneel said again with such fakeness.

"Of course it would look great on your face" I muttered quietly.

"What?"

"Nothing" I said with a fake smile and gave her the salad. She didn't even thank me. Well not that I care, her boobs are probably more real than any words that come out of her mouth.

"So girls, How is school so far?" Jared's mom asked with a warm smile. That woman is so sweet. I wish I had met her under other circumstances.

"It's actually going really great" I said and smiled back.

"Are any of the teachers annoying?"

"Definitely" Allison and I said in unison. Everyone laughed slightly.

"Well all schools have annoying teachers.. We had one too when I was your age.." She started saying but I zoned out. All I could think about was how I could be so stupid. If I were smarter, I would push him away from the begging. I wouldn't be hurting now. I came back to reality and saw that Jensen was looking at me. I quickly looked away.

Two hours later everyone was gone. Misha offered to give a ride to Allison and at first she declined saying that I needed her here (Misha knows everything and let's just say that he is disappointed at Jensen just like everyone.) but of course I didn't let her say no. I knew how much she wanted to spend some time with him. I would be okay. Or so I hoped.

I helped Gen with the dishes and I went to my room afterwards. I sat by the window. It was already dark outside and the stars were showing. They were so beautiful. They remind me of the nights I stayed up until 4 am talking on the phone with Jensen while looking at them. Jensen had made a difference into my life. A difference no one had made before.

When I lost my parents there was this huge hole into my chest. Whenever I was with Jensen I felt that this hole was almost..healed. Now I feel nothing but betrayed and worthless. But even though he broke my heart I couldn't hate him. I wish I could but it felt impossible. I squished my eyes as tears run down my face. I took my pillow and screamed while covering my face with it. I started sobbing as I prayed for this pain to go away.