1D One Shots { BoyxBoy} *REQUESTS OPEN*

Harry's Diary {Larry}

Day 1. 

Dear Diary,

I thought it was a joke, he didn't really leave. Louis promised he wouldn't.

The police, ambulance, the boys and management were in our house. They were screaming at me to tell me what happened but I didn't know. I didn't want to know.

I do remember it though, walking into our bedroom to see Louis' body on the floor. I couldn't get it through my head. My husband was dead.  

I can't really write right now because I'm shaking but I promised Louis to keep a diary ever since Elounor came into things. I thought it was stupid but now I can look back in it, remembering his smile slowly fading and his eyes becoming dull. 

Right now I'm on my bed, just thinking of my boy with blue eyes. Niall and Liam wont stop crying, their eyes are red and they refuse to eat, drink or sleep. Zayn wont speak to anyone, he's disconnecting from us. I can't blame him.

My mum phoned before. I didn't really talk to her, I couldn't because I lost my voice. She was crying too. Jay phoned me next, she was trying her best but I knew she wasn't doing well. Her little boy was gone. His sisters were silent, shutting everyone out.. 

I'm going to sleep now. 

Day 2.

Dear Diary,

Today was weird. It was like we were all waiting for the cameras to come out and Louis would yell joke and I could hug him.

But I can't. 

I didn't get to say goodbye. I couldn't kiss him and I couldn't hug him. He was taken from me. 

I'd never get to say "I love you." and see his smile come back, the one where he has crinkels by his eyes and his cheeks go red because he never really got used to the words.

I think I'll go to sleep now. 

Day 3.

Dear Diary,

No one is really talking any more. No ones really eating either, just sleeping and crying. 

I miss the sound of his voice. I miss his laugh. His eyes. His hugs. His kisses.

There was a thunderstorm last night. My mum phoned me and said it was Louis trying to tell me something. I smiled for the first time in 3 days. 

It's not easy. Laying in the bed alone, when he would usually be stuck to myself like a sleepy kitten. I miss his warmth and his touch.

I can't really write any more..

Day 4.

Niall tweeted yesterday, hoping the fans are okay. They aren't.

Liam has kinda shut down, Zayn is sleeping more then often. Niall keeps trying to smile but it's broken.

The band might break up. We can't sing knowing no ones there to sing Louis' solos. 

I found a picture on his phone, it was the first picture we ever had as a band. None of us knew how much our lives would change, how many new friends we would make and how amazingly supportive our fans would be.

I'm sorry for not writing as much as I used to. 

Day 5.

Dear Diary,

His funeral is today. 

I'll get to see his mum, sisters, family. Liam said we have to smile for people but I can't. Why did he have to leave me? 

I should be ready to go but I'm writing this. 

Simon said we should sing Torn. 

I think he'd like that.

Day 6.

Dear Diary,

I'll never understand the reason why he did it but I never really understood him anyway. His complex ways of keeping people out. It took me months for him to trust me. After all, I was a kid. He was on his way to being an adult. 

If I could see him one more time, I'd tell him how much I love him. 

It's never going to stop, the voices in my head. I try to focus on the good things but I can't, only on the bad things and the pain. 

I just need sleep. Maybe I'll see him in my dreams.

Day 7.

Dear Diary,

I found a way to see him again. 

I probably shouldn't, knowing how selfish it would be but no one understands how broken I feel. I'm lost without him.

I feel scared but I promised him on the x Factor that I'd do anything for him.

Who ever reads this, I hope you know I'm sorry but I need him in my life, even if it's not in this one.

I phoned my mum and told her I loved her. I phoned everyone to tell them that.

I left a note for the boys and Simon, thanking them and telling them how much they mean to me. 

Looking at a picture of me and Louis, I can smile knowing soon I'll finally be with him, even if am being selfish. I need to be with him again.

____

Updated March 2016