the fall • s.m.

10 • why not now

// margot kate franklin //

@margotkatefranklin: "there's a constellation in your eyes, and the rest of the world is living in the dark."

• • •

It was a few days after our coffee "date," the two of us found ourselves on the floor in that familiar studio, kind of just laughing and having fun.

"Do you genuinely like me?" he asked randomly. "Like, as a person in general."

"Of course. Why do you think I spend so much time with you?" I asked in reply, and he smiled weakly.

"I don't know. I just don't want you to feel like...like I'm trying too hard for something you don't want," he said.

I didn't respond right away.

"So what is that something?" I asked, looking into his eyes. For once, daring him to say something to make this situation less of a blur.

He looked at me for a moment, then at the floor, then back at me.

"Would you maybe want to go out with me? Like, for real?" he asked after a long pause of silence.

"Like on a date?" I replied, a smile forming on my lips.

"Yeah. I mean, unless you don't want to. That's totally cool too," he said, and I could sense his nervousness.

And for some reason I do not understand, I kissed him. 

I kissed him.

He asked me out and I kissed him.

I immediately regretted my decision to try new things and be adventurous. I felt stupid and vulnerable.

I started to not regret my decision when he pulled me closer to him, I wrapped my arms behind his neck and his hands became tangled in my hair.

I had never felt like I wanted to kiss someone so much. Granted, I haven't kissed many guys, but still. It felt like there was too much space in between us when there was practically none. It felt like I was drowning and his lips were air.

When we did separate, we were both just staring into the others eyes, breathing heavily. I was the first one to break the silence, laughing.

"I'll take that as a yes?" he said, beginning to laugh himself.

"It's a yes. A million times yes, Shawn," I told him.

He smiled and so did I, the feeling of raw joy in between us. It's been a long time since I've kissed a guy, and a long time since I've felt this way about anyone. I may not have ever felt this way about anyone. He's so...special. Different than any guy I've ever met. So perfect and caring and amazing.

"Oh, I totally forgot. I should probably get going. My family is visiting for the weekend and...I'm stressed, to say the least. Wish me luck," he said, and I laughed and stood up with him.

"Good luck. I'm sure it will all be fine," I told him.

"I hope so," he said, and the two of us left the studio.

We walked out to the empty lobby and I noticed the front desk was without anyone. Not even Miles.

He looked at me, then at his watch.