the fall • s.m.

16 • nightmares

// shawn mendes //

@shawnmendes retweeted:

@margotkatefranklin: "even though my dizzy head is numb, I swear my heart is never giving up. you're the reason, the only reason."

• • •

This was perfect. This is what it's supposed to feel like. The two of us on the couch, her body draped over me, sleeping so adorably. And I just enjoyed this one perfect moment, because how many more could I guarantee? None.

I was shaken.

Shook. Shook is what they say.

Goddamnit, she shook me.

The thought of her leaving in such a short amount of time was like a dagger to my heart. It was the end. The end of the best thing I've ever had.

I know, I'm a fool. I've let myself fall for her so completely. So hopelessly. So much so that she was the only thing on my mind. Lyrics poured out so easily now; singing about being in love felt right.

Fuck. In love.

Don't say it again. Don't think it. She's just a girl.

My girl.

No. She's not yours. She's going to go home and be someone else's. That's the thing that sucks the most. It's not the fact that I won't get to kiss her again, or see her gorgeous eyes looking up at me. It's the fact that someone else is going to get her. Someone else is going to get to call her his, and get to kiss her and see her eyes sparkle and bring her coffee. And it bothers me so much because I don't know if he's going to treat her how she deserves to be treated.

I don't want her to settle for anything less than the best. He better pursue her like crazy, and know that she's special. That he doesn't deserve her and he never will. That being in love with her is the most important thing and...

"Shawn?"

I looked up and escaped my thoughts. And there she was, lifting her head off my chest, her hair messed up and black under her eyes from her mascara.

She was beautiful.

"I thought you were sleeping?" I asked, zoning back into reality.

"I woke up, obviously," she replied with a grin, and I smiled at her trademark sass.

I wiped the mascara off of the skin under eyes with my thumb, and her cheeks turned a dark shade of pink. I smirked. I loved any reaction I could get out of her. It reminded me that she was into me too.

"Thanks," she whispered.

I kissed her forehead. "Welcome."

Friends had quickly become our show. I had liked the show, but ever since she and I began to watch it together, I liked it so much more. I liked the way we danced around to the theme song, and how she and I argue who's the best character. Obviously Joey.

I remembered our previous argument about it.

"Shawn, Monica is the best character for a number of reasons. First of all, she owns the apartment. That apartment is the setting of like, half the show. It's iconic. Second, she and Chandler are the most stable relationship. Ross and Rachel are shaky as fuck, taking breaks and shit. Monica and Chandler don't do that. They're goals. Also, Monica is the most down-to-earth, and she is always there to help everyone. She's funny and practical and she cooks."

I smiled just thinking of how indignant she had gotten, so fiery about a freaking TV show character.

"It's getting late, Shawn. I should go," she said. Her words hit me in the throat. I should go. I don't want her to go.