the fall • s.m.

24 • sorry

// margot kate franklin //

@margotkatefranklin: "I bet you think I either moved on or hate you; 'cause each time you reach out there's no reply. I bet it never, ever occurred to you that I can't say hello to you and risk another goodbye."

• • •

I slowly opened the door and the disbelief was probably evident on my face.

He looked distraught. His hair was messy and disheveled, not in the perfect way as usual. His eyes were heavy and tired, looking at me with what only could be described as pain. He looked like a mess.

"Wh-what are you doing here, Shawn?" I asked, my hand resting on the ice cold door frame.

"I'm here to say I'm sorry, Margot. I'm sorry for ruining us."

He looked down at his feet, and it hurt me to look at him this way. I had never seen him so distraught. He just looked sad.

"I'm sorry too," I replied quietly, and he looked up at me.

"I know I can't fix us, but I just wanted you to know that I didn't do it all because I didn't care anymore. I just didn't know what to do, or what to say. I told you I loved you and then I didn't act like I did, and I'm sorry. I love you Margot, and I know that I don't deserve you anymore, but I'm sorry."

"Did you come all the way here to say that?" I asked, not meaning to sound so...cruel. He looked at me, that pain still there in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to —"

He shook his head. "No. You should."

I didn't say anything.

"I had a concert nearby last night, and we're heading back to LA tonight." He stopped for a second, and shrugged. "Some things you just have to say in person, I guess," he told me.

I nodded. But I wished he wasn't here.

"It wasn't one-sided, Shawn," I said quietly.

He looked back down at the ground again. "You didn't give up on me, Margot, even when you should have. And I'm the idiot who thought he had everything figured out but was too blind to see that he was losing the one person that was his everything:"

"I could have done a lot better. We both could have. It's not just you, ok? Maybe it's just because we rushed things before really figuring each other out. Maybe a summer fling is all it really was."

The words hurt to say, and I don't know if I even believed them. But I said them, slightly hoping they would hurt him like they hurt me.

"Maybe that's all it was," he replied quietly.

"The long distance isn't working out, Shawn. Obviously, because we're both standing here broken-hearted over it. I just thought..." I trailed off, and he looked at me, as if he was hanging on to my words.

I shook my head. "I don't know what I thought, Shawn."

"You thought you could trust me to tell you that I loved you and I was thinking of you constantly, dreaming of the next time I could see your smile or kiss you. You thought I would keep my promises from a thousand miles away. And I didn't," he said bitterly.