the fall • s.m.

56 • time flies

a couple weeks later...
MARCH

(written on may 29)
Dear Margot Kate,

I'm on the plane back to LA now, and you don't even know that I'm coming. I know that you hate surprises, but I love surprising you. I love seeing the look on your face and how happy you get. It's great. It's been too long...any time away from you is too much. I just want to hold you again, and see your smile, and hear your laugh. I want all of you, Margot. All the time.

      Guess what song just came on?

Sweet Creature.

Maybe it's a sign...

So, tomorrow will make it my two year anniversary of knowing you. We met on May 30th. I remember it vividly. I was SUCH a jerk to you, and I will never forgive myself for that. I saw you and you were literally the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, so I just started saying stupid stuff and acting like an idiot...and it was the worst. I was just so nervous, but you were so cool. After you walked out of the studio, I knew I had to know you. I couldn't get you out of my head, and I didn't even know you yet. Something was telling me that I needed to. Isn't that crazy? It's also kind of funny, because I know for a fact that you didn't feel the same way. Probably because I was a total jerk.

     And then we actually became friends, and we had so much fun as friends that I thought maybe I would be stuck in the friend zone forever. I literally thought that. Especially because of that one time when we got coffee and that guy asked for your number, and you actually gave it to him. That was like, heartbreaking. Reflecting back on it now, I know that you never answered him or went out with him, and that you just gave it to him so I would be jealous (it worked, by the way) but at the time, I was convinced that you were 100% not interested.

The first time I had the suspicion you actually liked me back was that same day, a few minutes before the coffee guy incident. I said, "That guy over there keeps looking at you. I think he's into you," (talking about the coffee guy) and then you turned around, looked at him, turned back to me, and you just shrugged. You shrugged. So I was like, she definitely likes me, because why else would she just shrug off a totally cool-looking guy? Then a few minutes later, you gave him your number, so all of my hope was diminished, but for that one moment when you shrugged him off, I actually thought there was a chance you liked me.

I was kind of pathetic. You were playing me like a guitar, Margot, and I was totally falling for it. I was falling for you.

God, two years of you being in my life? Why does it feel like I've known you forever? Two years has felt like an eternity. An amazing eternity. And by the time you actually read this, it will probably be closer to three years of knowing you, which is even longer and even better. I hope we can have many, many more years, Margot. I mean, I know we will. It's inevitable, you know. It's all inevitable.

      And the thing is, I have loved every moment of these past two years. We obviously have had our issues, between breaking up, a car accident, surgery, and thousands upon thousands of miles, but none of it has changed the way I feel about you. Because I'm going to see you tonight and I'm still going to get those butterflies in my stomach, and I'm still going to think to myself "I need to know her." And even though now I know you like I know myself, there's still the same desire in the pit of my stomach that wants to know you on every level, and wants to be the one that you say "I love you" to. And being that guy, that person who gets to call you his, has been the most amazing thing. And getting to know you has given me the best two years of my life.