the fall • s.m.

18 • goodbye

// margot kate franklin //

@margotkatefranklin: "goodbye, my almost lover. goodbye my hopeless dream. I'm trying not to think about you; can't you just let me be?"

• • •

My bags were packed, except for the necessities I would need tonight and tomorrow morning. I couldn't believe I was actually leaving. LA has been my home for three months, but back to Albuquerque I go.

My dad, Liz, and I just got back from dinner, our last meal as a family. Without my mom. I don't even know what our family was anymore, honestly.

A mess, I suppose.

I had been trying to get my mind off of Shawn for the past few days. He has been super busy preparing for this tour that we haven't seen too much of each other. He feels awful, but I kind of think it's for the better. I didn't want to focus on what I was missing.

I looked at myself in the mirror.

I was still looking good since dinner. Proud of myself.

"Hey, I think your boyfriend is here!" Liz yelled, and I rolled my eyes as I heard her open the door, probably saying something to offend me. What are sisters for, right?

He had already gotten used to Liz and her weird personality, but I think he's still pretty shell-shocked every time she answers the door and overwhelms him with her obnoxiousness. Can't blame him.

"She's upstairs," I heard Liz say, and I was surprised it wasn't followed up with some snarky comment. Maybe she was cutting me a break since it's my last day here.

I heard his footsteps nearing, and instantly felt butterflies in my stomach. Three months and I still feel this anxious around him? My God.

"Hey."

His voice was soft and gentle, and he sat next to me on the edge of my bed.

"Hey," I replied, smiling weakly.

The two of us sat in a comfortable silence, and there were so many things to say but neither of us wanted to say them. I wanted to tell him how much he meant to be, but I couldn't seem to find the words or the courage.

"You look beautiful, by the way. Like always," he said with a smile, nudging my shoulder. I laughed a little.

"Thanks."

Silence again. It was killing me. My mind was racing, and so was my heart. My last time seeing him and I couldn't think of a goddamn thing to say.

"Where do we go next?" I asked, my voice sounding more vulnerable than I anticipated. It was shakier. More fragile.

"I don't know, Margot. I really don't know," he replied. His response was so flat. Usually you could hear the hope in his voice, but not now. Usually he would respond with something witty and unrealistic, like that we should run away and get married. This time, there was no hope. There was nothing.

"Yeah. Me neither," I said, sighing.

I fidgeted with my own hands, all of my nervous energy at work. He seemed to smile at this, and grabbed my hand.

"I just...I don't want to act like there's nothing left for us, Margot. Let's just pretend it's not the end. For now," he told me, and I smiled.

"I like that idea, actually," I replied, and next thing I knew he had scooped me into his arms, causing me to laugh. And I forgot in that moment.

He looked at me with that typical happy smile, kissing me once before putting me on my own two feet. "Let's go," he said.

"Where?"