The Ghost Of The Love Song

Chapter 13 - Antonio

Eight.

         That was the first time I saw dad bringing home a small guitar that was just three feet long and one feet wide. It had a plain wooden soundboard design and a pitch black neck rod. Just the sight of holding one sends waves of happy memories up until now as I remember how I used to play with  it.

      I used to spend time plucking its strings and creating notes by putting my soft, little fingers to random parts of its neck. Every different tone creates a soothing delight that I can't explain. The feeling that I'm receiving when I hear the notes that I pluck seems so rewarding, I can't seem to stop. Sometimes, I'd rather be stuck on the house, playing with my cute little guitar than to play basketball with my friends, which I used to do before that guitar came into my life. 

    I played with it so much, so much that my father noticed my newly found habit. One day, while I was playing  with my little guitar, I caught him staring at me. 

    Smiling.

   It's like something within him rose. Like something beneath him that was once crushed suddenly reappeared right to where he's looking at.

   Right through me.

   Then, I heard the words that I believe, have molded the rest of my life.

  "Hey little buddy! Wanna become a rockstar?"

and over the next few months, I saw myself in the seats of every different musical workshops, hearing from the techniques of every musical experts available in Windy City. My parents were always there , watching as I progress through the path that I chose to take early on. Day by day, my hobbies turned into skills, my skills turned to talents, the things that made me Antonio.

I was always forced by my teachers to perform in different events. Being a kid, I can't say no to the sweet treats and gifts that they either promised or gave beforehand. I grew up to be a fat kid that can play guitar. Then, the next thing I knew, I'm singing as well. I sang in school events and in talent shows.Well , what can I say, Its a good feeling to see audiences just stare at you in pure delight while you do your thing.

Those days I'll just go home, realizing that I'm better than yesterday, based on the way that I play with my newly bought guitar. It's a legit one , with white overalls and black strings. Talents really can make someone's day worth it. Having this talent was enough for me.

But dad's desires won over mine. He wants me to be always out there. Showing my skills to the world. He wants me to face something that he seems to never had faced his entire life - fame.

My passion has officially become my curse. Yes, I wanna be great with whatever I'm doing, and I'm enjoying making people smile whenever I sing, but I never wanted to do it everytime. Most of the times, I just want to play it with myself. I want to please myself with efforts that I exerted, and that's all I ever wanted. 

My mom felt that in me, so she always fights for me whenever dad forces me to join local contests or exhibitions.

She was my best friend. She stood up for me for what I wanted and always motivated me to do what I think is right. She explained to me why my dad wants me to become famous and she wants me to understand that my dad always wanted to become who I am, and now that Im that guy, he wants to relive his life as if making me famous early on. 

She always said that its okay to let my exhibitions be private. but she suggested one thing.

She bought me a camcorder. You know, the thing that makes you record something.

It can only hold twenty minutes of data at my time so at most, I can only record four to five songs.

Playing the records back again was kinda annoying cause whenever I hear my voice on the video, I think I'm hearing another guy that sounds way too different than me. It depresses me to the point of asking "why do my voice sound like that".

Mom noticed my sadness the next day I realized my voice looks terrible. As always, I told her why I was sad. I told her as I gave the latest memory card so she can see through her video player.

She never gave any flowery words to flatter me that day. She never said "Your voice is incredible!" or "You really really sing wel". In fact, she looked serious. I never saw her this serious in my entire life. she looked me straight in the eye and said,

"But dear, this is how you really sound like. This is the sound that made me and your dad believe in you."

I admit. It made me teary-eyed now when I still remember those words. I felt nothing back then , since I was a kid but remembering how my mom hugged me back then was really something worth remembering for, especially now .. because she can't do that anymore.

I was there, when my dad received a phone call from the United Countries of the Middle World, the place where my mom lived. Seeing my dad as someone strong all the time , even in the darkest circumstances, seeing my dad feeling weak and crying for the first time destroyed me.  The news was clear enough through his tears - mom was gone.Its as if dad wants to change what he heard  but he couldn't. He just sat there and wept. Losing one of the most precious things that he ever held on so much was gone.

My bestfriend was gone. How could I move -

"Here , you can use mine." I stopped to offer my handkerchief to Axielle , who was busy wiping tears off her face with her jacket.

Without hesitation, she grabbed it fast and hard. "Gah, look.You made me cry."

"Hey , you want me to share why I started playing." I resisted.

"BUT I DONT WANT TO KNOW IF YOUR MOM WAS STILL ALIVE!" She darted back, throwing my handkerchief wet of her tears back , hitting my forehead.

"I'm sorry to let you remember the moment though." She followed up with a softer voice.

"It's alright." I answered as I put the handkerchief inside my bag. "Thanks for the tour with the ghost club though."

Though I'm assuming that the ghost club's room will be sort of scary, the type where the walls are black and filled with fake spiderwebs, lots of ghost designs in almost every part of the room and especially, creepy, nasty things from every corner, I was wrong! Its very clean. The walls are plain white, almost free of any dust or marks. They only share a large table and lots of seats, and a bookshelf filled with books about paranormal activity and ghost theories. They could almost replace the nursing club in terms of cleanliness. 

"Oh its nothing. There's no much to show anyway." She humbly replied.

"So... about the applica-" 

"No." She stopped me. "Before that , Antonio. Let me tell you. Why did you started playing in public?"

"Oh yeah..." I'll continue my story then, huh?

After my mom died, I saw dad die a little bit inside everyday. He rarely talks after work, that is if he actually will work that day. Even if he earns regularly even if he's not working, seeing him stare at the window all day skipping lunch makes me weak. I saw him as a pillar of strength that I can depend on , a hero, my defender. And if your defender is defeated , then who will protect you?

So I decided for the first time in my life. I decided to do something not for myself, but for him. He may not be the best dad that anyone can have, but hell, he's trying to be. If he can't become the best dad in the world, then I'll become the best son that he could ask for.

I started out, uploaded my videos on jamzam, made friends with people who plays publicly. In just one month, someone discovered my talents and offered me  a spot on their band for a particular play. Its my first public performance outside the school. I got so excited , I told my dad what's gonna happen. Then, what followed next was a series of things that I really cant forget. He panicked. He suddenly burst out, planning. mumbling words like "Oh my, he's gonna need these," and "what if he's gonna need these..". He sorted out , panicking, but happy. It's like I bolted life out of him that he just panicked.

I just said "Dad, it's alright. It's all set." 

He just , he just hugged me tight. I can hear him sobbing. But he's sobbing happily.

"Son, I'm gonna be out there, alright? I'm gonna be watching your show, and every show that you will perform , alright? Your mom is still with me, she's still with us, alright? She believed in your voice. We both did. I'll do my best to hear you sing until the day I dont grow hair at all, son."

If you wanna know the reason why I play, it's because of that man. He's not much, I know , but he's enough.