No love like hers (Jessie J)

Chapter 13: Stuck in the playground.

Chapter 13 - Rose's POV

I had taken my shoes off and burried my feet in the sand in front of the bench I was sitting on. Watching how Matt was running around the wooden climbing frame, acting like he was a monkey, I sat back and relaxed. Moments like this I loved the most. Just taking some time for myself, breathing the fresh air and not having to listen to Cat's nagging. She was still going on about my study choices and she was driving me totally insane. Today, she started again and I just exploded. I took Matt with me to the playground and just left her, standing there in the kitchen, acting like I couldn't hear her shouting my name. The only response she got from me was slamming the door so hard that I was worried for a second the glass would break. I always took Matt to the playground when I needed some time for myself. Then I could be alone but still with someone 'cause Matt was playing in front of me. In some way that made me feel safer for when I would start to overthink too much that it got bad. If he was with me then I would at least not do anything stupid because I still had to take care about him. That all sounds very weird probably, but I got a little history to keep in mind. A few years ago I had struggled with a very serious depression and there had been moments that I was a real danger to myself. I'm not gonna say that I had tried to kill myself or even think about that, but it had come pretty close. Now, taking Matt with me had just become a habit and I think it was a precaution in some way. He kept me on the right path, and I needed someone who did that. For that I was happy I had Jessie too now. 

Speaking of Jessie, already two weeks had passed again since the last time I had seen her at my graduation ceremony. I had been over the moon that she showed up there. Actually I had hoped to go to her place after and spend some time together, but Cat decided to destroy those plans. I didn't even dare to say something that moment, but now I wished I had because I missed my girl and felt the urge to feel her skin against mine. Everytime I heard her voice through the phone I wanted to tell her that I wished she would make more time for me, but somehow I couldn't. I guess I was just too scared she would get mad at me. And losing her was the last thing in the world I wanted to happen. 

Matt had found a little friend in the playground. It was a boy who had offered him a part of his cookie and now they were playing together. I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to forget where I was. The air around me got lighter and I imagined I could fly along with the birds in the sky. Suddenly, a hand touching my upperleg catapulted me back into reality. My eyes shot open and I was facing Cat. She had settled next to me on the bench and was waving at Matt. 'Shit, Cat! Why do you always have to scare me that much?' I spat. 'Ho ho, I'm sorry young lady. Calm down, okay?' she replied. I sighed, not wanting to spend any more energy on that. We just sat there in silence for a few minutes. Minutes that seemed to last for ages. 

Eventually Cat broke the silence. 'So... Have you already talked with Jessie about what you're planning to do after summerbreak?' I couldn't believe she kept on going on about it, even after my explosion from earlier. 'Jeesshh Cat! Really, just...' Cat didn't gave me the chance to finish pushing out my frustrations as she immediately interrupted me. 'Rose! Don't start bitching on me, okay? I just want to know, because you don't wanna talk about it with me so I was kind of hoping you would talk about it with her. 'Cause seriously, Rose, I don't do this to fuck you, okay? I just want to make sure you're thinking about your future. That's important, you know? You've gotta give your life some direction. Otherwise you'll end up cleaning toilets or something like that.' Cat sighed frustrated. 'What if that is what I want to do? Maybe cleaning toilets is the thing for me.' Cat looked at me. 'You being serious?' I couldn't keep it up anymore and smirked. 'Yeah, ofcourse', I said sarcastically. Cat sighed again. 'No, but serious... It's important, okay? Just think about it...' I nodded and silence took over again.

After another few long minutes Cat started playing nervously with her hair. That was the thing she always did when there was something she wanted to say, so I knew there was something trying to find its way out. I waited patiently, after all those years I still acted like I didn't know that was her thing. It was more convenient for me if she didn't know I knew. Like that things were more predictable. After another few minutes Cat finally found the power to say what she wanted to say. 'Ehm... Can you tell Jessie that I'm sorrg for treathning on her?' I realised my mouth fell open when she said that. 'You what?' I asked slightly shocked. Cat was staring at her shoes, I could see she felt embarrased for what she had done. 'I'm... sorry...Rose...' she muttered. Her nails got interesting too now. 'I... I told her that if she'd break your heart I'd make sure she would regret it for the rest of her life...' I didn't know what to say. Suddenly I just started giggling. Giggling that turned into laughing out loud and I didn't know why but I just couldn't stop. Cat looked up at me, her face covered with amazement. 'I'm sorry', I squeeked, 'but that is just too cute.' Cat shook her head while a smile appeared on her face. 'I really thought you were gonna kill me', she said relieved when I wrapped my arms around her for a big hug.

After that we sat in silence for a while again, watching how Matt was having the time of his life on the slide. 'I feel sad for him', Cat suddenly sighed. 'Why?' I asked while turning a bit toward her. 'That boy... That gorgeous, amazing, little boy is never gonna get to know his dad...' I tried to swallow the heavy lump in my troath. 'Yeah...' was the only thing I could bring out. 'Someday, he's gonna ask about him,' Cat continued, 'and I don't have any idea of what I'm gonna say.' I shrugged my shoulders. 'Me neither', I said emotionless, 'but after all he doesn't need him. He's got us, he's got all the love he needs... And he'll find more when he meets the love of his life. So he doesn't need him at all.' My voice sounded raw but I ment every word I said. Cat suddenly took my hands in her. 'You really love her, don't you?' she asked while looking deep into my eyes. I nodded slowly. 'I do...' I whispered. 'She means the world to me.' Cat took me in her arms and stroked my back while my face disappeared in her hair. 'You deserve it', she said in a soft voice. 'You deserve it so much. I'm so happy for you, Rose. I hope you believe that. I'm so sorry for everything I've said. I know she loves you so much, I could see it in her eyes. You two are perfect. You deserve it all.' A warm, thick tear rolled over my my cheek when she said that. I was so happy she had changed her view. 

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A.N. : Ready for a second chapter in Jessie's pov? It's coming up in a few days.... Be ready :)