No love like hers (Jessie J)

Chapter 40: Dreams and demons.

Jessie's POV

Her hands were all over me. Our lips moved in sync while our bodies did the same. It felt so good yet it felt so wrong. She started kissing my neck and my collarbone, making her way down. I knew we had already gone too far. I should stop her before this would get even worse. I tried to push her off of me, but she would let go. She just smiled, thought we were playing some kind of game.

"Stop..." I managed to force out. "I can't do this." The look she gave me was destroying and she just simply continued what she was doing. I took a deep breath and gattered all the strength I had to push her away. She rolled over on the ground and I quickly crawled to the sink the pull myself up.

"What the hell, Jessie?" she spat. I could hear she was more than angry. Her eyes had gone dark and her mouth had turned into a thin line.

"I can't do this", I repeated. "I have a girlfriend. I have moved on from you, okay? This is not what I want." My voice was shaking so it didn't come out as strong and convinced as I wanted it to be. Emma smirked and shook her head.

"You know that this is what we both want. You know that this is meant to be."

"No. Maybe you wish it would be like that. But it isn't. I'm happy now, without you. And I'm not gonna let you ruin it all over again!" I grabbed my stuff and ran for the door. I heard her footsteps follow in high speed behind me, but somehow I managed to be faster. I took the first stairs I found and ended up at the back of the parkinglot. I spurted to my car and drove away as fast as I could. I saw her standing next to the road. My heartbeat raised and I tried to ignore her, though I saw her eyes focusing on me. If they could've killed me right there, they would've. They were full of pure hate.

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I shot up breathing heavily. Sweat was breaking out and my heart beated unhealthy fast and irregular. I glanced next to me. Rose was laid on her belly, still sleeping like a princess. Her breathing was steady and she was snorring silently. I quickly slid from under the covers and reached for the door. My hands were shaking like crazy and I hardly couldn't open it without making a sound. Eventually, I managed to get out without waking her up and made my way to the living room. Once there I finally catched my breath again. I was still shaking, but at least new oxygen could reach for my veins. I sat down on the couch, my elbows placed on my knees and my head resting in my hands. I just couldn't get her image out of my head. Those eyes, they kept on haunting me.

I was desperate as fuck on what to do with te whole incident. After all I was glad that I didn't let it come that far, but kissing Emma had been bad enough. She totally knew how to break me and I had walked into her trap with my eyes wide open. What had I done? I had never hated myself any more than right now. I had no clue on what to do. Should I tell Rose? But then I'd break her heart and that was the last thing I wanted. I loved her. I loved her so much and I didn't mean to fuck things up like that. She didn't deserve that at all. I wanted to make her happy. God, what had I done to her? I knew that I couldn't keep this for myself, but I also knew that if I'd tell her, things would only get worse. She would be so upset and I was scared as hell that she'd leave me. That was the last thing I wanted to happen. Without Rose, my life didn't have any sence anymore. I just couldn't let that happen. Still, I needed to get it off my chest. I rubbed my eyes and sighed. I reached for my phone that was laid on the table and hesitantly checked the clock. The bright numbers showed 4 o'clock in the morning. I scrolled through the list of contacts and held still when I had reached the one I was searching for. It was time to call for help from oversea.

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"YOU WHAT?!" Holly started yelling into my ear as soon as I had finished talking. "GOD, JESS! WHAT THE HELL ARE DOING?! HAS THAT MILEY CYRUS CHICK TURNED YOU INTO A TOTAL SLUT OR WHAT? YOU CAN'T JUST FUCK AROUND LIKE -"

"HOLL, CAN YOU PLEASE STOP YELLING AT ME?!" It stayed deadly silent for a moment, only the sound of both of us heavily breathing filling up the lack of sound.

"I'm sorry..." Holly eventually broke the silence. "But I mean it. What happened with my best friend? What have you done to her?" I sighed and shrugged my shoulders, then realised she obviously couldn't see that.

"I don't know, Holly... I've been under such a pressure lately. You have no idea..."

"Jessie", she said in a motherly voice. "I know that you've been dreaming of this for as long as I know you. But chasing your dreams may not be a reason to fuck things up like this. Literally." I could hear how worried she was and I missed her more than ever.

"I know", I mumbled. "I really don't know what to do now. I can't tell her, can I? I don't want to lose her..."

"Yeah, but if she finds out by herself in a few months you'll lose her too. What would you do if you were her? I don't think you'd do a happy dance."

"No... I probably wouldn't..."

It stayed silent again and the feeling of missing my best friend grew with every second. I only now realised that we hadn't seen each other for a pretty long time. We called every often but we were both always in a hurry. The time difference didn't help about that either, that's why I had been quite surprised she had been able to talk with me this time.

"Jess?" Holly broke me out of my thoughts.

"Hm?"

"Do you want me to come over?" A relieved sigh escaped from my chest as soon as those words entered my ears. I think there was nothing else I was more in need of right now than to see my best friend again.

"I'd be lying if I'd say I wasn't hoping for you to ask that question." I could hear her smirk slightly on the other side.

"Alright", she said. "I'll take the first flight I can book. I'll call you when I get there." I felt a tear roll down my cheek and wiped it away immediately in hope there wouldn't follow any more of them.

"Holl?" I asked and I couldn't prevent my voice from breaking slightly.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"Super Holly is on her way", she answered and although I couldn't see her I could feel a smile spreading on her face. Everybody on this planet deserved a best friend like her. Without her I would've totally lost it.

I kept on staring at my phone for a while before placing it back on the table and pushing myself up. I suddenly felt how tired I was and decided that it would be better to try to catch another few hours of sleep. As I returned to the bedroom I saw Rose had turned on her left side but she was still far gone. I crawled back under the covers and propped myself up on one arm so I could watch her properly. Her chest was falling dramatically and her nostrils moved slightly from time to time. I stroked a bit of hair out of her face and traced her jawline with two fingers.

"I'm so sorry, Maccy", I whispered. "I didn't want to hurt you. I don't think there is a way I could make this up to you. I want to be honest with you, but I'm so scared to lose you. I'm nothing without you, Maccy." New tears were stinging my eyes and I tried to fight them. I bend over and planted a kiss on her forehead.

"I love you, Rose", I whispered to her skin. "I love you more than anything." A tear rolled down to the top of her nose and made its fall to the pillow. I couldn't hold them back anymore.

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A.N. : ...