No love like hers (Jessie J)

Chapter 29: Ice cold Los Angeles.

Chapter 29 - Rose's POV

So yeah... I ran off like a little child. But right there I just needed to do that, because I didn't know what would've happened otherwise. As soon as I reached the bedroom, I slammed the door closed behind me and threw myself on the bed. I hid my face in the cussions and fell asleep as soon as I was too exhausted to continue crying. I sunk in a deep sleep and dreamed about better times where we would make long walks on the beach and kiss each other under the sunset. Naive as I was, I hoped those dreams would bring back our paradise from the other day, so when I'd wake up everything would've gone back to normal. Fooling yourself was easy, but unfortunately the slap of reality was about to follow very quickly.

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I woke up by the sun trying to creep through the blinds. I shot up worried when my hands couldn't find the warm, soft body that was supposed to be lying next to me. I blinked my eyes a few times but the only thing I found was an empty space hidden in the darkness. Then again flashes from the night before started bouncing through my head and I fell back in the cussions, a sigh getting unlocked from deep down my chest. 'Fuck, Rose. What have you done...' I mumbled to myself. The clock showed 10 am when I left the bedroom without making a sound.

I found her on the couch. No, that ain't true. I thought I found her on the couch, but the only thing I actually found were a bunge of blankets strangled into each other, showing me where she had spent the night. An empty cup of coffee and a half emptied box of donuts being other proof of how bad I had made things. Eventually I also found a shirt and some shorts, which I guessed of they had served as pyjamas for the lonely night. The only thing I didn't find was my girlfriend. She was out already, not a single note left to tell me where to or when she would be back. I dropped myself on the couch, desperately, trying not to open the gates but I couldn't hold back the rivers of regrets. I should make things up again as soon as Jessie got back home. 'Cause this definitely wasn't the way things were supposed to turn out. My dream had worked out in a bad way. To be more precise, it slightly started showing traits of a nightmare.

You know the thing with Jessie is that I love her more than I've ever loved someone. But somehow that causes me to get mad at her more easily. And everytime we have a fight I regret it so much after. Fact is that we always make up very fast, in pleasuring ways. I can tell you, Jessie kind of adores make up sex. Sorry for that sidenote. But anyway, somehow I felt like this time I had gone too far and she wouldn't give in as easy as other times. The way I had acted was so childish, why hadn't I just talked with her about it in a grown up way. I felt so bad for it, and even more because I felt like after only two days I had already started fucking up her dream. She was here to work on making her debut and the last thing I should do was playing the bossy, irritating girlfriend. She definitely wasn't in need of that.

It had gone four when I checked my phone and Jessie hadn't showed up yet. I had spent hours sitting on the couch staring at nothing in particular. My eyes had gone watery from not blinking that often and my muscles had gone sore from sitting in the same position for that long. At half past four I finally forced myself to stand up and do something. I opened the backdoor and went outside. The beautiful colours of the flowers, plants and trees gave me a little bit of new energy. I kneeled down at the pool and swung my feet over the edge, into the chilly water. The sun burned down on my bare shoulders and I closed my eyes while taking in this moment as a good one. After half an hour I went back inside to check my phone again. Still no sign from Jessie. I missed her.

When it got closer to six I walked toward the fridge and took a more decent look at the things that were in it. Concluding it was filled with a lot of savoury stuff, I decided to prepare a delicious meal for Jessie, hoping she would be hungry when she came home. If she was planning to. I found some cookery stuff in the cupboards and amused myself with cleaning vegetables and preparing a good smelling pasta. I was so lost in what I was doing that I didn't even hear her entering the house about half an hour later. I was singing out loud and doing some silly dancemoves when suddenly an emotionless, pale faced Jessie was standing in front of me. The wooden spoon dropped on the kitchen counter and red tomato sauce made it's way to new destinations, including Jessie's white shirt. 'Great', was all she said.

When Jessie returned from the bathroom - she had changed clothes and somehow she looked even paler - I served dinner on the table and turned to her, forcing a little smile on my lips. 'I've made you dinner', I said. It sounded pathetic, like a little child who was proud of the drawing she had made for her mommy. 'I see', was all that came from her mouth. Jessie walked past me, straight to the backdoor and disappeared into the garden. I sighed, tried to ignore the tears that where stinging behind my eyeballs. 'Fine then', I mumbled to myself and sat down at the table. I filled my plate, but hungry was the last thing I felt at that moment. I rested my head in my hands and closed my eyes. Outside it was more than hot, but the atmosphere between us turned the whole country into an ice cold place. 'Fuck you Rose. You're a dumb bitch', I mumbled to the plate in front of me.

'Indeed.' My head shot up when I heard Jessie's voice from behind me. She was standing at the backdoor, staring at me with her arms crossed in front of her. 'Jessie...' I wanted to apologise, but somehow I had ran out of appropriate words. 'Go ahead', she said with a determined look on her face. 'I'm waiting.' I cleared my throat and took a deep breath in. 'I'm sorry for what I've said last night. That wasn't right and I didn't mean it anyway. Well, at least not the part of leaving you. That was very childish and I don't wanna be that kind of girlfriend. I was just fed up with the fact that we didn't communicate about your... plans... agenda... or whatever... But the way I acted was anything but the right way to make that clear to you. And I'm sorry for that, Jess. Really...' I thought this would be the moment where she would walk toward me and take me in her arms and kiss me and tell me it was alright. But there I was wrong again. Jessie pulled her mouth in a nervous way and said 'yeah, you better be'. I looked at her, looked at my feet, looked back at her, and back at my feet. Then I looked back at her another time, and I saw tears blinking in her eyes. 'Hug me', she whispered. I first thought that my mind was playing games with me, that I was hearing things that weren't really said. But then again I heard her voice and I was convinced it was real. 'Please, Rose. Hug me tight.' I made my way to her and she broke down in sobbing as soon as my arms made contact with her tensed body. We stood there for more than five minutes, Jessie holding on to me like I would vanish as soon as she would let go.

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Lying with my head on her bare chest, listening to her heartbeat was one of the most beautiful things to experience. Jessie was playing with my hair while absently staring into nothingness. I assume I don't have to mention what happened when she had her emotions back under control. Let me just refer to the sidenote I made earlier. I pushed myself up on one hand and started planting kisses around and between her perfectly formed breasts. 'Hm', she moaned and her eyes lit up again. She sighed and pulled me closer to her, locked me in between her arms and hid her nose in my hair. 'I love you', she mumbled. 'I love you too', I whispered back. You know, I was kind of worried about her. I still didn't know why she broke down in tears earlier. There must be something wrong, 'cause I didn't believe the reason for that was me apologising to her. Just when those thoughts crossed my mind again, Jessie lifted her head and took a deep breath. 'I had a shit day', she suddenly dropped. I looked up to her and saw her eyes had gone back to the absent and concerned state they were in before. 'I don't know if I can do this, Rose.' I pushed myself up so I could properly face her while she started throwing every little thing that was bothering her of her chest. 'They wanted me to record some demo songs in the studio so they could see how good I am in there. Somehow I crashed and I just couldn't reach my high notes anymore. I totally messed it up... They said it was good, but I can read faces too. They were disappointed. And not even just a little.' Tears tried to smother her voice again but she didn't let them win this time. 'Maybe I'm just not made for it after all', she said with a crack in her voice. I shook my head and took her hand in mine. I searched eyecontact and looked deep into her beautiful green eyes. 'Don't ever say that again, Jess. You are born for this and I believe for the full 200% that you're gonna make it. You just need to go back into that studio and show them what you got.' Jessie bit her lip, I could see she was trying so hard not to cry another time. 'But what if...' she started. I cut her off immediately. 'You are Jessica Cornish. My Jessica Cornish. "What if" is not defined in your dictionary of life.' And there I saw I smile tackling the sadness. 'You're right', she said. 'You're damn right.' Her lips tasted sweeter than ever when she pulled me back on top of her. As I told you, in the end our way of making things up was always pleasuring.

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A.N. : (: