No love like hers (Jessie J)

Chapter 16: Never enough.

Chapter 16 - Jessie's POV

As soon as I returned to the bar I saw Holly coming my way. I knew there was something wrong, her face said enough. It was the thing she always did with her eyes when there was something to worry about that prepared me for problems. 'What is it?' I asked as soon as she was close enough so the girls couldn't hear it. 'You've got a text and...' I cut her off immediately by saying 'Are you checking my phone when I'm off? I still think that is kind of privacy.' Holly sighed, gripped my wrist and shook me up to get my attention. 'Jess, really, not the right timing to preach. You should be thankful, I saved you from trouble with Rose.' I frowned, not understanding what was going on. 'I've got nothing to hide from her...' I muttered. 'I'm not sure about that', Holly said. 'She texted you again...' My breath caught and I felt every healthy colour disappear out of my face. 'You mean... Emma?' I asked hoarsly, almost whispering. Holly nodded. 'I saw it, which by the way was totally coincidental, and could lock the screen just before Rose saw it. Not that she checkes your phone or something, but if my eyes caught it then hers could have too...' I nodded understandingly. 'It's alright, Hol. I'm sorry. But, what... Jeezz what does she want from me?' Holly bit her lip, then unlocked the phone and gave it to me. I took it from her with a shaky hand along with a deep breath. The text gave me the shivers:  I made a mistake. I'm sorry. I regret it deeply. Wish I could turn back time... 'Yeah, I made a mistake too...' I mumbled to the screen. 'A mistake named Emma.' I put my phone away and looked up to Holly. 'I don't know what she's thinking to achieve with all this, but I can tell you I ain't gonna make that mistake twice.' I slid off the bar stool and walked back to the table. I could feel the worried look of her eyes stinging in my back. 

I settled back next to Rose, trying to hide my devestated feelings. I was angry and hurt at the same time. Hurt because Emma had left me without a word. Angry because after a full year, at the moment when I finally got my life back on the rails and fell in love with someone else, she suddenly showed a sign of being alive and having regrets of what she had done to me. I had no idea of how to deal with that. Did I have to text her back? Maybe call her? But what if that would make her think that I wanted her back? I didn't want her back, did I? I was in love with Rose now. She made me feel happy and worth living again. And I wouldn't give that ghost of the past any chance to ruin that. Right?

I didn't get the chance to overthink too much, 'cause Rose immediately started asking questions. She must have been watching me and Holy, 'cause it felt like she knew something was going on. I couldn't do anything else than start a new conversation with the girls so she didn't have a chance to make me break. Somehow I wanted her to tell everything about it, but I just couldn't. I was afraid of her reaction, what if she would get all jealous and stuff. I didn't want to hurt her. I didn't want to hurt myself either. Bringing it all up again never was a good idea. But sooner or later she would find out anyway, wouldn't she?

Even though I knew there would come a moment where she would ask me about my former relationships, I still didn't find the power to start about it myself. Thinking about that, it actually surprised me she hadn't brought up that subject yet. It was like she could feel that was a weak place. As the night continued, I forgot about the whole Emma-case for a while. We laughed a lot and I was more than relieved the girls made Rose feel home. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she was happy. At half past twelve we all started to get tired and yawns were creeping in. 'Shall I bring you home, princess?' I asked while leaning over to her and kissing her nose. 'Great idea', she yawned. We said goodbye to the girls and after another few minutes of hugging and kissing cheeks we finally left the pub. 

'Here we are again', I said when stopping the car in front of her house. She leaned over to me and kissed me on the lips. 'Thank you, Jessie', she said quietly. 'For what?' I asked. 'For letting me get to know these wonderful people. For making me feel like having friends again for the first time in years.' The look in her eyes told me it really touched her heart. I stroked a lock of hair out of her face, put it behind her ear and then we kissed. It was passionate, sparkling and honest. It was the kind of kiss that caused fireworks in your stomach, jelly in your legs and drum solos in your heart. When we parted, our foreheads kept touching. 'You're beautiful', I whispered. She didn't say anything back. 

It stayed quiet for a while, just the two of us looking at each other. 'You can tell me everything', Rose suddenly said. 'You know that, right?' The look in her eyes was worried. I couldn't do anything else but nodd, afraid to say things I would regret later. She took my hand, touched the skin with her thumbs, rolled it over and back. 'Jess... I think honesty is one of the most important aspects in a relationship. Without honesty things go wrong... Keep that in mind, okay?' I nodded again, tried to bring something out but it was nothing more than a short hoarse groan. 'Okay...' Rose mumbled. 'Think I better go to bed then. Thanks again for the wonderful night.' Our lips attached one last time. She opened the car door and stepped out. Before closing it, she bend over and stuck her head back inside. 'You know I love you, right?' she asked. 'Ofcourse', I finally pushed out. 'I love you too.' I just sat there in the car, watching her walk to the front door and disappear inside the house. A few seconds later the light in her room on the first floor switched on. I could see the outline of her body through the curtains. 'You're fucking things up, Jessica', I mumbled to myself. 'You're fucking things up...' 

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A.N. : I dedicate this chapter to a dutch heartbeat who reads my fanfic and always votes which I'm very thankful for :) DUTCHIES UNITE!           Next chapter will be up in a few days!