No love like hers (Jessie J)

Chapter 49: Follow your heart.

Rose's POV

You know those moments where your life doesn't seem to make sence anymore? Those moments where literally everything is fucked up and weird things are happening all over the place? When I returned home I had put my hopes on the fact that everything would go back to normal as soon as I'd walk through that front door. But I guess I was totally wrong. Nothing had gone back to normal, instead things had only gotten weirder and more fucked up with every day.

First of all, that strange guy that didn't wanna let me in? Apparently he was Cat's new boyfriend. I was seriously asking myself what's wrong with her to start something with such a weird jerk. Since I was back home he didn't came by that frequently anymore. I didn't know if Cat had asked him so, or if he just didn't like me around. But I didn't care about the reason. As long as he'd stay away it was fine, 'cause I didn't like seeing his face either.

You know that part I could still handle, but when it came to myself... I had been home for a few weeks now and I couldn't even remember the last time I smiled. All I did all day long was lying awake in my bed or trying to watch some tv. I didn't come out of the house and didn't give a damn about how horrible I must look. Cat had once mentioned the terrible bags under my eyes from the lack of sleep, which had caused her to get a bunge of abuse thrown in the face and hearing the door almost break out of its hangings right after. That was the last time she tried to talk to me about it. And that also was the last time I came down to have breakfast or lunch or dinner. Since then I had locked myself up in my room, which gave the thoughts in my head even more space to ruin me. The broken pieces in my chest hadn't healed yet. And neither had the broken trust in life.

Over those weeks my phone had kept on ringing every day. It was Holly who didn't seem to be planning on giving up. I didn't even know what she wanted from me, 'cause I never answered the phone. She left voicemails and texts but I didn't pay attention to those either. Another number had called once too, but I assumed it was just her trying to reach me in another way. The unknown number had left a text, which was the only one I had read, but I didn't understand it. It were a bunge of figures and some letters but it didn't seem to make any sence in my head. If she wanted to talk to me then she should come up with a less mysterious attempt. It's not that I didn't wonder why she kept on trying to contact me. But I didn't have the power to hear her voice, as it would remind me too much of someone else. Someone who I was desperately trying to forget about.

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I knew it was just going to be another horrible day when the light creeping through the blinds forced me to open my eyes. It had been another night of not sleeping, getting wrecked by thoughts and images flashing trough my head. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I was pretty convinced it was the loneliness in the bed that caused some terrible insomnia. I wasn't used to sleeping alone anymore, that was the hard truth. When I reached for my phone, I was slightly surprised there weren't any missed calls from Holly. Had she finally given up on trying? I hoped so... Then maybe I could finally find a way to move on.

I somehow must have fallen asleep after putting my phone away, 'cause suddenly I woke up by a little body jumping up and down on me. When I finally managed to open my eyes properly, I saw Matt's tiny face hovering above me. When he saw I was awake, he stopped jumping and took my face in his little hands. He somehow found it very funny to squeeze my cheeks and started giggling like crazy. I tried to push him off of me, but he had gotten strong over the time I had been away.

"Wake uuupppp!" he shouted in his singsong voice. I groaned protestingly and tried to turn on my side. But because Matt was seated on my, that didn't work out fine.

"No", I muttered. "Go play downstairs." The little bunge of activity sighed disappointed and finally crawled off of me.

"Fine..." he mumbled in a sad tone. I could feel something break inside of me, but I just couldn't put myself to playing the happy sister for him right now. I saw him shuffle to the door and turn around once again before opening it.