No love like hers (Jessie J)

Chapter 17: Just tell me it's okay.

Chapter 17 - Rose's POV 

During the weekend I hardly found the power to come out of bed. On Saturday, the day after I had met Jessie's friends, I spent my day watching movies on my laptop under my blanket. I only moved out to get some food and went right back after that. On Sunday I finally found some strength to crawl out and go downstairs. I was extremely tired, because the only thing I hadn't done in bed was sleeping, so the couch became my new place to be right away. Matt brought me some cereals and we ate together while watching one of his favorite tv-shows. The story didn't even reach my brains, I was just staring at the screen, my vision getting blury from time to time when I forgot to blink. After an hour Matt ran away and started playing somewhere else in the room. I just kept on sitting there like I was numb, isolated from everything around me. 

Another hour later the isolationbubble I was sitting in finally got pricked by Cat. 'Hey, Rose', she said when she walked in. 'Have you actually already planned something for your birthday?' I looked up to her, blinked a few times and kept staring at her face. 'Rose?' she repeated. 'Your birthday?' I eventually shrugged my shoulders. 'Well, you've still got a week left but I think you better start planning then.' She was waiting for a reply, looking at me with her hands on her hips. She didn't get any. I just turned my head back to the screen. 

After a few seconds Cat snatched the remote from the table, pressed the button and the screen got black. I didn't do anything, just kept on staring. She sighed, shuffled closer,  finally sat down next to me and laid her hand on my arm. 'Rose?' she asked in a soft and quiet voice. 'What's wrong?' That's where the bubble burst apart. 

'I think she's hiding something for me, Cat', I squeeked. I didn't want to squeek, but that was the only sound that I could force out of my throath. 'You mean Jessie?' she askes confused. I nodded. 'Why'd you think that?' I couldn't do anything but shrugg. 'I don't know', I finally squeeked again. 'It's just... Then Holly... And the screen... And I know there was a text... And she locked... And what if... But then they talked... And her face... So pale... But I don't know... But just what if...' My mumbling didn't make any sence, it just all came out at once. The only thing Cat could do was to pull me in her arms and sush me by padding my hair, probably not knowing what she had to say. 'Tell me it's nothing, Cat', I sobbed. 'Just tell me it's okay.' She stroked some hair out of my face and wiped tears from my cheeks. 'Rose, look at me.' she said and I did what she asked. 'It's gonna be fine. If there was something to worry about then she would tell you. You're just worried about nothing. Okay?' 

When I had calmed down again, Cat took me to the kitchen and made some milkshakes. When they were ready we sat down at the kitchen table and sipped from our glasses in silence. 'Why are you so paranoid all of a sudden?' Cat asked after a while. I stared at my milkshake like it would give me the right answer to her question. 'I think I'm just afraid', I eventually said. 'Why?' she asked. My head dropped desperately. 'Because I'm afraid of losing her Cat', I replied half whispering to the table. 'I always lose the ones I love.' There I said it. And I wasn't sure if this had anything to do with my family situation, but I think Cat knew that was sort of what I was meaning. My dad had left us and the mum that I used to know had sort of left us too and got replaced by someone I hardly knew anymore. I would never admit it, but I missed how things used to be. Cat laid her hand on mine and I looked up to her. Her eyes were filled with tears and I could see she was trying so hard to hold them back. 'She ain't like them', she said quietly. 'She will stay.'

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Back in my room I was thinking about what Cat had mentioned earlier. My birthday. I had kind of forgotten about the existence of that. Not that I didn't like to celebrate my birthday though. To be honest I loved it, but lately I had so many other things on my mind that there hadn't been room for it. Now I realised that I had someone new in my life to celebrate it with and that the time of spending my birthday at home would maybe be finally over. Don't get me wrong, the traditional familyparty with cake and soda had its charmes too, but I think I had slightly grown out of not wanting anything more than that. Maybe I could ask Jessie to come over and order us something nice for dinner. Or maybe we could go to the movies and go out somewhere after that. But was that all special enough? Becoming eighteen wasn't just something. It had to become a special memory... I sighed deeply while overthinking it all. With all those doubts I already wasn't in the mood anymore for celebrating anything.

I must have fell asleep 'cause when I woke up it was 3 o'clock in the morning and my curtains weren't closed. I had been dreaming bad. About what had happened in the pub that night. In my dream I had walked towards Jessie and Holly at the bar and heard their conversation. They were talking about Jessie having an affair and if she should tell me about it or not. Apparently all her friends knew what was going on and they were all laughing at me behind my back. I felt nauseous because of the dream. I slowly moved out of bed, walked to the window and stared outside. Nothing but an empty dark street. I closed the curtains and went back to bed. Trying to catch the sleep, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I trusted Jessie with my life, so why did I feel like she was cheating on me? How could I even think that? Just because of that one text that I didn't even see? It was all just stuck in my head. I should stop beating myself up like that. I was acting pathetic. When I thought back about Jessie's reaction at the bar, I realised she had been shocked. Her face got pale and she got angry. Maybe it had something to do with her parents or her music? Or maybe something with an old friend? Eventually I told myself that if it would be something very bad or important she would tell me and otherwise it was something not worth worrying about. I just had to trust her more. She wasn't like the rest that had let me down. She was my Jessie and I loved her with all my heart. I had to get my confidence back together. With that thought I fell asleep and dreamed about her. Only this time it was a good one.

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A.N. : I know this chapter wasn't that great... I've got some drama planned to come up but I just need some chapters to get there. I promis it will be worth it though :) Keep reading, you'll find out in a few...