N I N E
3 weeks later
A L E X A
Eugene was one of us now. Things were falling apart.
I was falling apart. Carl and I haven't spoken to each other in weeks. We couldn't. With his dad trying to kill mine, Eugene watching my every waking move, there was nothing we could do.
Eugene was ordered by Dwight to keep his eye on me so I wouldn't sneak out. It was annoying. I couldn't go see him.
I worried about carl. I knew he worried about me. But it was wrong. He loved me and he shouldn't.
I sat on the roof of the sanctuary, peering out at the sunset.
"What are you thinking about?" Dad caught me staring off. I blinked and snapped out of my gaze.
"Oh- nothing." I shook my head, not making eye contact.
"It's the boy, isn't it?" He sighed. I perked up and turned my head to him.
"No-"
"Don't lie to me, Alexa." Dad warned. I sighed, pursing my lips.
"He's broken... all because of me." I whispered, looking back out to the woods.
"He was going to kill me. He could've. I gave him the opportunity... but he didn't. He just cried into my arms, but I was the reason he was sobbing." I added on.
"Well lucky for him, I didn't see him try to hurt you." Dad sat next to me.
The wind blew my hair lightly. I sat quiet for a few moments.
"I got weak." I looked down at my legs as they hung off the edge.
"You didn't get weak, Alexa. You had humanity." Dad was being weirdly understandable.
"Is that how you felt with mom?" I questioned. He took a second to reply, because I knew mom was a tough topic.
"Yeah, it was." He nodded.
"They're our worst enemy. I let myself get stupid. I let myself care. It was my fault that I feel this way." I scoffed at how ridiculous I was. I put my face in my hands, feeling upset with myself.
"You let yourself be 15 again. You just did it with an alexandrian... but I understand. You have no one here. He was your friend." Dads voice said.
I sat silently, moving my hands away from my face, staring down at the trees.
"You miss him?" Dad nudged me.
"Yeah." I mumbled, my gaze still on the woods.
"I miss the world. I miss mom. I miss humanity-" I took a deep breath before I spoke again.
"I wish the world never gave up on us."
"This isn't just about the boy, is it?" Dads tone was soft. I shook my head lightly, my head lowering to look at my legs.
"I don't want to be like this anymore, dad. I don't want to keep- keep worrying if you someday won't come back from a run. I don't want to run into a walker every time I leave. I don't want to have to keep reminding myself that mom is dead and that she's- she's never coming back... that no one that we knew is never coming back. I don't want these scars, I don't want to know that I've killed people..." I trailed off.
"I don't want to keep fighting." I muttered lightly.
"I know, sweetheart, I know. But we have to. We have to survive. I wish that I could give you the childhood you deserved, but I can't. All I can do is keep you safe. All I want to do is make you proud. Make your mother proud." Dad placed a hand on my shoulder.
One single tear slipped down my right cheek.
"We lost so many people in the beginning. We lost everyone, dad... how did we do it? How do we survive in a world that wants to kill us?" I sniffled.
"We have each other. We have each other's back. Every one that we lost- all those people, all of our family, all the ones that became family... they kept us going. We do it for them." This reminded me of something Glenn had said...
"They're still here... because we're still here. Because we're still fighting." My voice never left a whisper.
"Where'd you hear that from? That's really... real."
"Someone I knew." I turned my head to him. Dad gave me a face that I knew very well.
The 'everything will turn out' look.
"Go see him." Dad pursed his lips. My brows furrowed and he nodded.
"All I want is for my little girl to be happy. That's very hard to find in this world and I know he makes you happy. Go see him." Dad explained himself. A very small but genuine smile came to my lips.
"They'll never let me near him again, it's been weeks." My small smile faded.
"We're going there tomorrow anyway." Dad shrugged.
[ C A R L ]
"You can't trust her. Maybe she doesn't even really love you-"
"No, don't say that. I know she does. She saved me when I went over there." I cut michonne off.
"She betrayed you." She reminded me.
"Those weren't her intentions. Unlike you, I know who she really is. If she was with us, and she did it to the saviors, you would be congratulating her." I turned the topic around.
"But she's not. It didn't work like that." Michonne shook her head.
"She did what she had to do to save her family. We antagonized them first! She's like her dad but she isn't. She loves her dad and won't ever turn on him but I know deep down inside me she wanted to stop what happened. She wanted to fix it." I tried to talk some sense into michonne.
"Carl I know you think you know these things, but she lied to you once, she'll lie to you again." I knew that wasn't true.
"You don't know her like I do!" I raised my voice.
"You think I don't know how it works?"
"That's because you don't! Alexa is smart. She's unpredictable. She's dangerous. When she wants to do something, she'll do it. She wanted to keep me safe, and she did. She wanted to keep this community standing and she did. She wanted to keep me alive in her sanctuary and she fucking did. You don't know one god damn thing about her. She is not a monster." I growled.
Michonne seemed shocked at my words.
"She is just a survivor, she is like the rest of us."
Deep
