T H I R T Y T W O
2 days later
A L E X A
I felt a little better. Carl, rick and, Michonne have been helping me out at the sanctuary, helping me run things.
I was still incredibly sad my father was gone. I'd never not be sad about it, but I realized I still had people there.
Thanks to Carl nearly dying, it made me realize he is all I need. Him, rick, Michonne, and everyone else.
I had them.
I had just walked into my room, checking in on Carl for the 37th time. I was just scared if I left him alone for too long he'd just slowly slip away or maybe he'd just be gone.
Recently I have been scared of everything. I was scared of walkers, I was scared of people, I was scared of the thought of the people who I might lose.
I closed my door quietly and walked towards the bed with caution.
I stood by the bed, looking down at Carl as he slept. I could hear his breathing, so I knew he was still alive.
I crouched down, my face leveling with his. I laid my cheek on my forearm, my face turning sideways as I looked at him. My eyes scanned his face, noticing every single detail.
I noticed the pores in his face, how small they actually were. I noticed the small beads of sweat that were barely there, that made his skin glow so beautifully. I noticed all the details in his lips. I noticed all the torn skin and the shattered socket in his face where his eye used to be.
When I looked at him, I felt at home. As cheesy as that is, I feel safe with him. I've only truly felt safe with my father.
Carl was my motivation. I will never be able to live / cope with my fathers death, but I had Carl to help me.
I needed Carl much more than he needed me. I loved Carl so much. I needed to keep him with me for as long as possible.
"Alexa... I'm okay." Carl mumbled, his lips barely moving, his voice deep, raspy, and almost inaudible.
He had woken up, probably from the feeling of me staring at him.
"I know... I'm sorry." I whispered. He knew how terrified I was. He knew how much I really needed him.
"Don't be sorry." He muttered, his eye opening.
The beautiful blue eye I fell in love with. The crystal blue eye with the hint of navy blue.
"Everything is okay now, you don't have to worry anymore. I'm staying by your side." Carl added.
"Staying by my side is what almost got you killed last time." I reached my hand up, laying it down on his cheek softly.
"If I died for you, I'd die happy, you know that." Carl squinted his eye, nuzzling into my hand.
"The guilt- I knew it was my fault, I knew I should've made you go first." As I spoke to him, my eyes still admired every inch of his face.
"Well then you would've almost died-"
"As long as you lived." I cut him off.
"But I did live. I always cheat death, remember?" Carl chuckled with a smile. Stop okay ):
This made my lips curl slightly, a smile cracking up.
"Yeah, yeah you do." I chuckled as well.
It then went silent, our eyes locked on each other's.
I just remembered the first moment I laid my eyes on Carl Grimes.
I was planning on killing him. We had a gun pointed at each other's head, but I knew from the second I saw his eye, we both were too caught up in each other's looks to pull the trigger.
He was interesting from the moment I heard his footsteps.
My plan was to kill him. To kill all of them.
But I fell in love with him all too quickly. But I couldn't have been luckier for that.
"What's going on in that pretty head of yours." Carl asked.
"Memories." I simply stated with a small smile.
"Like what?" Carl propped up on his elbow, looking down at me.
"When we first met." I confessed, my fingertips grazing along his cheek.
"I remember that... I remember thinking how beautiful you looked. You were so mysterious. I had to know you." Carl reminisced.
"You were coming to check out Alexandria, weren't you?" Carl questioned.
"Yeah, I was." I nodded.
"But I caught you. Haha." Carl teased me.
"Yeah, you did, but I'm glad you did because if you didn't... everything would be different." I crawled up into the bed with him, sitting right beside him.
Carl immediately laid his head on my legs, looking up at me.
"I don't want things to be different.... I mean I do in some ways but- but not between us." I added.
"Me either... I love you. I love you so so much." Carl softly said.
I put my left hand on his right cheek, my thumb grazing back and forth on his cheekbone.
"I love you."
It was then quiet, our eyes stuck on each other. He was my anchor. He is my sanity.
"Remember the time when we were running through the woods, throwing and kicking leafs at each other?" I spoke again after the brief silence.
"Yeah. I remember that perfectly." A small smile appeared on his face.
"I want to go back to that day. That was one of the best days I've had in my entire life I-... I got in trouble that day... Dad caught me coming back but he didn't know from where just yet." My heart fluttered at the beautiful memory.
"That beautiful smile that you had while you were running. How your hair blew back in the wind... I miss that day, too." Carl admitted.
I sighed deeply, moving his hair back away from his beautiful face.
"Things are falling apart and I'm scared. I have no idea what the hell I'm doing." I said.
"I'm scared I'm gonna lead them the wrong way. I'm scared that everyone is just going to die... I can't let that happen, Carl."
"We don't let it happen. We fight. Together."
Honestly I'm not killing Carl Idc I absolutely ducking REFUSE
this was made 2.21.18 and not ready for 2.25.18 I'm not ready to let my baby go.
