Mercy was crying also. I carried Faith. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko, gusto kong magwala sa mga oras na iyon.
"Faith! Faith!" naiiyak na tawag ni Mercy sa kapatid niya.
Gusto kong tanongin si Mercy sa nangyari kay Faith pero hindi ko magawa. Ni pagbuka ng bibig ko, hindi ko kayang gawin. At kahit sa pag drive na lang ay hindi ko na alam kung papano! Lumilipad ang isip ko kay Faith na walang malay sa likod.
What happened to her? There are many questions in my head. Simula pa lang sa tanong na bakit niya ako iniwan hanggang sa kung ano ang nangyayari sa kanya? She became thin.
Kahit si Kayla ay umiiyak. Pareho sila ni Mercy na tinatawag si Faith.
I was the one who carried her again to the emergency room of the small hospital here. Ng na sa emergency room siya ay lumapit kaagad ako kay Mercy.
"What happened to her?" tanong ko. Masama ang tingin ni Mercy sa akin.
"What did you mother do to her, Brett. Ako dapat magtanong niyan!" tinulak niya naman ako.
"Walang awa ang nanay mo! Simula pa noon hanggang ngayon!" Mercy hit me many times while crying. Kayla stopping her but she was unstoppable. Gulong gulo ang isip ko sa mga oras na yun. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko, hindi ko man lang masagot ang mga tanong sa isip ko.
Pinaalis ako ni Mercy sa ospital. Galit siya, galit na galit siya. Isn't in unfair? I should be the one getting mad at Faith! At them! Even to Kayla! May alam ba siya? Sa loob ba ng apat na toan may alam siya?! Ba't hindi niya ako sinabihan kung ganoon?!
"WHERE'S MOM?!" damn it!
"Brett!" tawag ni daddy sa akin.
I saw my mother standing at the corner of our pad. No regrets written on her face. That made my heart break. She still hates Faith and I still don't know the fucking reason. I still can't figure it out.
"MOM! What did you do?!" sigaw ko. Tinutulak tulak naman ako ni daddy. I can't help myself. I am mad. Fucking mad! To my own mother, to this world, to Faith, to everyone! Para akong pinagkaisahan ng mundo.
Ano pa ba ang bagay na hindi ko alam?! Ano kailangan kong gawin para malaman ang kalagayan ni Faith?! May kinalaman ba si mommy bakit iniwan ako ni Faith?
Naging sarado ang pag-iisip ko. All I thought was Faith fell out of love and just leave me. I thought I am wasn't enough. Iyon ba talaga ang rason? I hope not! I will fucking die if she will give me that reason! Whatever reason it is, I will accept it! Basta wag lang ganoon!
Binasag ko naman ang vase. Hinawakan naman ako ni daddy.
"BRETT!" he shouted.
I am hurt. No. Hurt is an understatement.
"You know what I feel dad? Four years had passed yet I am still clueless!" I stared at my mother on the other side. Nakatingin lang siya sa akin. Kahit bakas ng awa ay wala sa kanyang mukha!
Our break up before built walls around me. Kahit mga relasyon ko sa ibang tao ay naapektuhan. I wasn't the son to my parents. The friend to my friends. Naging iba ang takbo ng mundo ko. I spent my time working my ass off. I spent my time figuring out what's wrong with me. Kung saan ako nag kulang bakit iniwan ako ni Faith. I tried finding her in Manila, pero wala talaga. Ganoon kagaling ang pagtago niya at hindi ko siya nahanap. Until the day came I got tired. Tired finding her, tired finding the reason, tired of everything. I wanted to die. For four years, I became lifeless.
"I swear mom. Kapag malaman ko na isa ka sa rason bakit iniwan ako ni Faith, hindi ako magdadalawang isip umalis sa buhay mo. Wala akong pakialam kahit umiyak ka sa harap ko at magmakaawa."
"Brett!" dad called me again.
"Brett..." mom called me almost whisper. I saw tears from her eyes.
"I am praying to God that you're not the reason mom."
I went back to the hospital. Wala na akong pakialam kung bakit iniwan ako ni Faith! Damn it! Wala akong pakialam sa galit at inis ko sa kanya! What matters the most is now that she is back! And I will not let her go again. Whatever happens. Come hell or high water.
Nasalubong ko si Kayla ng papasok ako. Namamaga ang mga mata nito.
"Brett."
"You knew it, Kayla." umiling naman siya.
"Hindi Brett!"
I think what hurts the most is when you give your all to someone. Through thick and thin, you're there for them. You stick with them, no matter what. Then one day, they just give up. They won't ever fight for you. The one thing you would never have done, they did with no hesitation.
When I opened the room where Faith was confined, the pain in my heart started to grow. No more hatred, no more anger. Purely pain seeing her lying in bed.
Napatingin ang mga magulang ni Faith sa akin. Wala na rin doon si Mercy.
"Brett!" namilog ang mga mata ni tita Lucia ng nakita ako. Dali dali siyang tumayo at lumapit sa akin.
"A-Anong gi-ginagawa mo dito? P-Paano mo nalaman na andito si Faith? Na sa Maynila ka hindi ba? Bakit andito ka?" dire-diretsong tanong nito. My eyes were still fixed to Faith. Silently sleeping.
"I'm sorry for what my mother did to Faith earlier." hindi ko ma tingnan ang mga magulang ni Faith sa mga mata.
I told them before that I will stand with Faith until my very last page. At tutuparin ko naman talaga iyon, kung hindi umalis si Faith, siguro kasal na kami at may mga anak!
Tito Philip left us in the room. May sinabi si tita Lucia sa kanya kanina at umalis ito. Nagtalo pa sila sandali pero hindi ko iyon narinig at inintindi pa. I was just sitting beside Faith, holding her hand, hugging her, kissing her. Damn it. I missed her so much.
She is still unconscious. Hinawakan ko naman ang kamay niya at hinalikan ito. I held her hand using my both hands. Nilapit ko iyon sa mukha ko at pinikit ang mga mata ko.
I believe in the kind of love that doesn't demand me to prove my worth and sit in anxiety. I carve a natural connection, where my soul is able to recognize a feeling of home in another. Something free-flowing, something simple. Something that allows me to be me without question. And that kind of love I found only in Faith.
"Brett..." tita Lucia held my shoulder. I sighed and placed Faith's hand back.
Bumaling naman ako kay tita Lucia. Ngumiti ito sa akin pero may luha sa kanyang mga mata.
"K-Kamusta ka?" tanong nito.
"Now that Faith's back, I am fine." sagot ko. Tumango naman siya.
"May pakiusap ako sa'yo, Brett...." napatingin naman ako kay tita Lucia, pero ang mga mata niya ay na sa kay Faith.
"Bilang ina, ayaw kong mawala ang anak ko sa akin. Alam kong dapat hindi ko sinasabi sa'yo 'to pero natatakot ako para sa anak ko." hindi ako sumagot. What is she talking about?
"Itong taon lang, nalaman namin may brain tumor si Faith... A-Ayaw niyang magpagamot. Ayaw niyang mabuhay. Gusto niya ibigay ang mga mata niya sa taong mahal na mahal niya." taong mahal na mahal niya? Does that mean it's not me anymore she loves the most?
Ngumiti si tita Lucia sa akin. "Pinakuha ko na siya kay Philip... Pero ngayon, ang gusto ko lang tulungan mo sana ako kumbinsihin si Faith... Wala akong karapatan sabihin sa'yo to Brett, pero bilang ina, nagmamakaawa ako sa'yo... Mahal na mahal ko si Faith, ayaw kong mawala ang anak ko...."
Brain tumor. She decided not to take medication, she decided not to go on a operation and her decision breaks my heart. How can she be selfish? I know she can live without me, but I can't live without her. She is my life and my everything.
She been through a lot. She been through worst.
I stared at Faith. My heart crumpled.
No. I can't lose you this time. Not now, not ever because I will stand with you forever.
