Aba't! Ang impaktong to! Nakakainis! Muntik na akong kiligin sa sinabi niya tapos tutunganga lang siya sa akin? I could've just spent my time eating lunch happily with Kiyoshi!
I am watching him for complete goddamn 10 minutes! This is just a fucking waste of time.
I mean, okay lang naman na panoorin siya. Ang gwapo niya kasi. He's very beautiful even with just the wind slowly brushing on his messy hair. I could watch him all day kung wala lang sana kaming dapat asikasuhin! Damn! He's going to be my cause of death!
"This is a waste!" I said and stood up from my seat. I got my bag. I was about to walk out on him when he called me. There's something in the way he say my name.
"Bakit?" Medyo mahinahon kong sabi.
"Is that your boyfriend?" Then he directed his cold eyes on me. Napataas ang kilay ko.
"What if he is? Ano namang pakialam mo?" Sikmat ko. I don't freaking get him.
"Naaawa lang ako sa kanya. He looks like a good boy." Fuck! Anong ibig niyang sabihin? Na dehado sa akin si Kiyoshi?!
"I really hope you mean that differently." I shot him a serious look. Don't you dare say it Henry! I will fucking hate you!
"Well, what do think I mean? I say what's on my mind literally. The whole campus know that you're a-" I slapped him. I can't let him continue. Hindi ko kayang marinig mula sa kanya ang mga salitang iyon!
Not when he resembles my sunflower so much!
But it fucking hurts! Hindi man niya natuloy ang sinasabi ay alam ko ang punto niya. Everyone says I am a flirt, a slut or a fucking whore.
Naginit kaagad ang paligid ng mga mata ko. Tumingala ako para pigilin ang nagbabadyang luha. Nasasaktan ako sa panghuhusga ng mga tao. That's the reason I kept on hiding myself.
"What the fuck!" Sigaw niya! Tinignan niya ako at alam kong natigilan siya sa nakita niya.
"All my life, I had judgements from people I don't even know personally as my meal. They call me names. They made me feel like a complete trash. But who are they? Who are you to tell me that I am what you think I am?" Hindi ko napigilan ang pagtakas ng luha sa mga mata ko. Marahas kong inalis iyon at nagpatuloy sa paglabas sa bakanteng room.
"About our project I will try to ask Mrs. Romero to let us do it individually or if we could change partners. I don't want you to mingle with a lowly slut like me your highness." Mapait ang bawat sa salitang lumabas sa bibig ko. Hindi ko na kayang pumasok sa mga susunod kong klase.
I needed a breathe of fresh air. I need my sunflowers. Nagdesisyon akong bumisita sa lumang parke. Sobrang mahangin ngayon kaya naman humahalimuyak ang bango ng sunflower dito sa lumang swing. I walked over my flowers then I sat on the swing.
Mariin akong pumikit at dinama ang hangin sa balat ko.
"Always remember that every after the rain there's always a rainbow."
Lagi kong itinatatak sa isip ko ang sinabing iyan ni Ilustre. Alam ko kahit na bagyuhin ako ng panghuhusga ng mga tao. Makikita at makikita ko pa rin ang bahaghari pagkatapos. Rainbows made me feel better. It made me feel like for every downs I will still get an up. It represents hope for me. That one day.. People will just stop with these painful judgements.
I want to stop hiding. I want to build my broke confidence. I want to build myself. Find me. Because with every painful words they threw I lose myself a bit.
I cried myself in pity while my eyes are closed. Sobrang sakit pala na marinig ng harapan ang mga salitang iyon. Mas lalong masakit dahil may nararamdaman akong atraksyon sa taong nagsabi sa akin nun.
"Why the hell does it hurt like this?!" Sigaw ko. "Why in the fucking hell should I be like this!" I cried harder. This place had become my sanctuary. I let my feeling out in here without worries of being judged dahil wala ng tumatambay sa parkeng ito.
Bumuhos ang may kalakasang ulan. Nakakapagtaka! Mataas ang sikat ng araw tapos umuulan? Nakikidalamhati ang langit sa akin.
The wind blew a little harder then I smelled a very familiar smell.
Sunflower..
Mabilis akong dumilat at tumingin sa paligid. Sa dulo ng swing ay may nakaupong lalaki. His back is facing me. His hair is messy but it looked soft to touch.
He looked awfully familiar but his smell tells me he's my sunflower! This is Ilustre!
Mabilis akong lumapit sa kanya. I held his shoulder.
"Ilustre!" Hindi siya agad kumilos. Pero naramdaman ko ang tensyon sa kanyang mga balikat.
Dahan dahan niya akong nilingon. His cold eyes looked straight into mine. Nanginig ako. Akala ko..
"May.." His low baritone voice sent chills into my bones.
"I am sorry. Akala ko ikaw y-yung kaibigan ko." Mabilis na hinawi ko ang buhok kong hinahangin at tumalikod na. Medyo may kalakasan talaga yung ulan. Sisilong muna ako kasi mahina ang resistensya ko. Konting ulan trangkaso agad.
Patay na naman ako!
"Ang weird. Maulan pero umaaraw. Strange." I felt him move closer as he talk. Ang malamig niyang boses ay sumisigid sa aking kalamnan. Nanginig ako sa lamig hindi lang sa pisikal kong katawan. Maging sa kalooban ko.
No.. He couldn't be! Hindi! Please don't!
"Baka may gustong tulungan ang langit." Pagpatuloy niya. Ramdam ko na nasa likod ko na siya.
Please! Make him stop! Hindi! Ayokong tanggapin na siya na nga ang lalaking ilang taon ko ng hinintay! Sinaktan niya ako kanina sa matatalas niyang salita. My sunflower won't do that!
But his words slaps the hard truth on my face.
"Maybe God doesn't want to see the tears of his beautiful angel." Bumagsak ang mga tuhod ko sa sobrang panlalambot. Nararamdaman ko na ang sakit sa buto ko.
His words. He's saying the same exact words that Ilustre told me before. God! This breaks my heart so much! What happened to him? Pano siya naging ganito kalamig? Napaluhod ako sa maputik na sahig sa gitna ng aking mga bulaklak.
He was my happy sunflower 4 years ago. But now? He turned into a fucking jerk and a cold bastard. Kahit malakas ang buhos ng ulan ay hindi iyon nagin rason para lisanin namin ang lugar na iyon.
Lumuhod siya sa harap ko. Hinawi ang buhok ko na tumakip na sa aking mukha.
I see his face in a blur. Hindi ko alam kung dahil sa ulan o dahil sa luha ko.
He resembled the young boy who captured my heart. The only boy that I wanted to give my heart to. But he looked so damn different. His eyes were cold, void of emotions. The happy glint on those eyes are gone. It's almost like he's lifeless.
"May.. I am sorry for what I said earlier. I didn't mean those words. I don't really plan to throw a shade on you. I was just pissed-" hindi ko na narinig ang iba niyang sinabi. Everything turned black.
BINABASA MO ANG
Chasing Love. [Fin]
RomanceSuplado, tamad mag-aral at tila wala ng rason para sa buhay ang transfer student na si Henry Alonzo. Nakikita ko sa kanya ang unang lalaking nakakuha ng atensyon ko nung 12 years old pa lang ako. Kaya lang kabaliktaran niya si Ilustre. Pero bakit h...