Chasing Love. [Fin]

Page 14.

"I was an Ilustre because I was adopted by Mr. and Mrs. Ilustre. They raised me like their own. I had an older brother. We were perfect. My parents are the best they supported me in everything I wanted. But then one cannot keep a secret forever. One day, I was happily playing ball with my dad and brother. She came." His breathing hitched. It was almost like he lost air to breathe.

"She was so thin, so beautifully fragile. Imagine my shock when I saw her. Her eyes.. They look exactly like mine. As if I was looking at a mirror. Renia Alonzo came and asked for me. She said I am her child. That she lost me and for years she had been struggling to see me again. Hindi siya tumigil kahit na may sakit na siya dahil buong buhay niya matapos niya akong ipanganak ay hinanap lang niya ako." His eyes glistened with tears.

My heart constricted in pain. I hate that I see him like this. I hate that this had to happened to him. Bakit siya pa? Naginit ang mata ko.

"Sabi niya, my nanny took me with her. Nagkaroon ng lamat ang relasyon ng mga tunay kong magulang dahil sa babaeng iyon. She was my papa's mistress. When papa decided to leave her and fix his relationship with my mom, she got fucking angry. She took me and sold me to my adoptive parents. The Ilustre's are too nice to turn her down. They took me in and paid that bitch!" Kumuyom ang kamao niya at tumulo ang luha sa mga mata niya.

"My Mama Ren knelt in front of my parents and begged for me." Hindi ko na kaya! Sobrang sakit na ng puso ko sa mga nararamdaman ko. I stood up in front of him. He's crying just like me but the pain I see in his face is too much to handle.

"She said she has breast cancer and she only have years left to be with me. She.. She was crying.. My heart.. M-My heart broke for the woman. Yes, I didn't know her while growing up. But I knew.. Deep in me.. T-That she's telling me the truth. She's my m-mother. I decided to come with her. We lived in Pampanga for a year. I took care of her. She was always in the hospital. Until now just the smell of disinfectant can kill me inside." Mariin niyang ipinikit ang mga mata. Patuloy ang pag-agos ng luha. Patuloy ang sakit.

"Henry.. Kung hindi mo na kayag ituloy then you can stop. May ibang araw pa naman." Lumapit ako sa kanya at hinawakan siya sa balikat. Tinignan niya ako at umiling. I gave him a sad smile and a nod, urging him to continue.

"After a year of being with my mama, Kuya Davin called me. He said I need to drop by at home. There's something that they need to tell me. Hindi ko alam pero sa ospital ako pinadiretso ni Kuya. I was so fucking scared of that place. It reminds me of fucking deaths. I felt everything in me shatter when I saw Mom inside. She's sick too. She also has breast cancer. How sick was that? Both my Moms has the same sickness? The same stage? And she's also just counting the days. Hindi ko na kinaya." Niyakap niya ang bewang ko habang malakas ng humihikbi.

"I stopped studying for a year para mapuntahan ko sila parehas sa ospital. Then almost two years ago. They died. At the same year May! Bakit? Anong kasalanan nila? Parehas silang naging mabuting ina sa akin! When they died they brought a part of me with them. I stopped caring for people. I can't be happy. I don't have the right to. I don't deserve it. I can't care, I can't feel. May, there's nothing here. What should I do?" He punched his chest hard. Natigalgal ako pero hindi ko kayang makita siyang ganito.

Pinigilan ko ang kamay niya.

"Henry, wala kang kasalanan sa nangyari. Everything happens for a reason. Hindi mo dapat pigilan ang sarili mong makaramdam." He looked at me wide eyes as if he doesn't understand what I said.

"Kung hindi mo kayang palitan ng buo ang nawala sayo, bakit hindi mo subukang kumuha ng maliliit na rason at pagsama samahin mo iyon? Magiging sapat pa rin iyon para makausad ka." Nanlaki ang mga mata niya na tila may narealize siya sa sinabi ko.

"Wag mong pigilan Henry. Dahil tao ka. May karapatan kang makaramdam. May karapatan kang sumaya." Hinawakan ko ang magkabilang pisngi niya. Malabo man ang mukha niya sa paningin ko dahil sa luha ay nakikita kong nagkakareaksyon siya.

"Ngumiti o tumawa ka kung masaya ka. Ikunot mo ang noo mo o sumimangot ka kung naiinis o nagagalit ka. Umiyak ka kung nalulungkot ka. Dahil may karapatan ka." Naramdaman ko ang biglang paghapit niya sa bewang ko at pagyakap sa akin ng mahigpit. Niyakap ko ang ulo niya habag hinahaplos ang buhok niya.

"Henry, walang masama sa pagiging masaya. Hindi ibig sabihin nun ay kinakalimutan mo na ang mga nangyari. Maaaring nasaktan ka at namatay ang kakayahan mong makaramdam kasabay ng pagkawala ng dalawang mahalagang babae sa buhay mo pero hindi masamag umusad. Kapag nadapa di ba dapat tumayo? Iyon ang sabi mo sa akin. Hindi magiging maligaya at tahimik sa piling Niya ang mga nanay mo kung nakikita ka nilang ganito."

"Mahal ka nila Henry. Anak ka nila. At kahit sinong ina ay magiging maligaya kung makikita nilang masaya ang anak nila. So Henry. Try to be happy. Try to feel and hold it. Embrace it. Nandito ako para sayo Henry. I will help you through it. I will stay by your side. I will keep on moving forward with you."

He looked up at me. Sa liwanag ng kakaangat lamang na buwan na humahaplos sa pisngi niya ay nakita ko sa mga mata niya ang pag-asa. Na maakabangon at muling magiging masaya.

Sa kabila ng gwapo niyang mukha ay nagtatago ang isang batang takot nang sumugal. Takot makaramdam dahil baka mawala itong muli sa kanya. Takot nang magmahal.

Alam kong ako rin ay may sariling hirap. Ramdam ko rin ang struggle para lumigaya ng tuluyan. Pero tutulungan ko siya. Dahil ang kaligayahan niya ay kaligayahan ko rin.

Oo, dahil mahal ko siya. Mahal na mahal ko siya. Siya man ay maging si Ilustre o si Henry Alonzo. Dahil mahal ko ang dalawang mukha ng pagkatao niyang ipinakita sa akin.

Mahal ko siya.