Save Me ; Phan ~ completed

chapter 20

||Dan's POV|| -An hour later-

I didn't think my day could take any more crazy turns, but I guess it can. Cause this boy just made out with Phil. I swear, I'm not acting like a middle school girl swooning over a crush. But here I am again, in my silly little happy bubble, wrapped up in Phil's arms.

After everything today has thrown at me, I'm glad to finally be okay. I snuggle into his chest, wrapping my arms tighter around him. He looks down at me and smiles. "Everything alright?"

"Hm? Yeah. Definitely okay now." I nod, nestling my face into his hoodie.

"Okay." He giggles, pulling me closer. Before I know it, I'm fast asleep.

~~6:00 pm~~

I'm woken up by my phone buzzing like crazy. "Ugh, turn it off." Phil mumbles tiredly, pulling me closer.

"I'm trying, you gotta let me get up and grab it." I say, only half awake at this point. He reluctantly pulls his arms off me and I grab my phone from the floor. I see it's my fathers contact, but deicide to ignore it. I can stay a day at Phil's house. I don't care what the consequences are at this point.

Me- im staying at a friends house for the night I'll be home tomorrow

I send the text and turn off my phone, crawling back under the covers. Blissful sleep doesn't last long because nearly an hour later, Phil's brother walks in. "Alright lovebirds, dinner's in 20." He barges in, knocking on the door making both of us groan.

"Whatever." Phil mumbles tiredly, lifting his head and glaring at him.

"You guys gonna eat or not?" He asks in an annoyed tone.

"Yeah, Yeah, we'll be there." I nods, sitting up with a yawn. Soon enough it's just the two of us in the room again and neither of us have moved since.

"You know we should probably get up."

"Five more minutes." He sighs dramatically, jumping half on top of me.

"Okay, but its not my fault if we get weird looks at the dinner table."

"We always get weird looks at the dinner table."

"You're right." I giggle, kissing his lips quickly.

"You're staying the night, right?"

"Mhm." I nod, waking up a little.

We end up sitting in the bed for another 10 minutes before eventually rolling out of the bed. We go out to the table, bruises and all, looking like we just got in some freak accident. May I also mention this is the first time his mother has seen us all day?

"Good Heavens, what happened to you two?" She asks as we sit down.

"School." Phil mumbles.

"Is that why you were home early?" She asks and we both nod silently. "Did you two get suspended?" We both shake our heads and she pauses before asking another question. "Are you two hurt?"

"I'm alright." Phil mumbles, embarrassed about this whole thing.

"Okay I guess." I agree, although everything on my body hurts from the past few days. Well its not like I was going to tell Phil's mom that I was in fact not okay and feeling like dying.

"Alright, well.. You two stay out of trouble and eat up." She smiles, making me wish I had a mom like that. One that didn't drink and was always gone.

I've only been around Phil for a little over a week now, but this feels more like home then my own house and family. I like being here. I wish I could stay here forever and not have to go back home where no one cares about me. I feel like if I stayed here, I could get better. But I can't.

Everyone eats and in twenty minutes Phil and I are back in his room. It's quite hot under those covers, but I can't bring myself to take my hoodie off. I don't want anyone to see my scars. I've learned thats one way to scare anyone away. Plus I hate myself for doing it. But I can't stop myself. I need to, I want to, but I can't. I curse myself for ever doing it to begin with.

We've just been talking for a while now, and the topic of my life came up. Of course I'm okay with telling Phil, but I can't help but get a bit anxious at the mention of it. I'm stumbling over my words and toying with the sleeves of my sweater. "Was your dad always like that?"

"No. There was a time when my mom was sober.. We were like a normal family. But when my dad would always be at 'work' he was really cheating. When my mom figured it out, she started drinking. It was around that time that my dad's true colors started showing. My mom stopped coming home after work and it was just me and my dad. He would drink and yell at me. I was only 7. Then it just progressed from there. Add the dysfunctional home to abuse, rape, self harm, depression, anxiety and there you have my life up until this point." I say, pinching at the cuts from yesterday. For some strange reason the sting helps a bit.

"Well when you hit rock bottom, theres only one way to go."

"That's such an overused statement." I roll my eyes, chuckling.

"Well it's true isn't it?"

"Not really. I haven't quite hit rock bottom yet. I'm close, but not there just yet. I haven't lost my mind completely, or seriously tried suicide. Well, I take that one back, I have."

"You have?"

"Phil, one of our first conversations was about me about to kill myself. Yes. I have."

"When?" He presses, not meaning to be rude, but making my stomach sink.

"A month ago. It was after that whole thing with my dad getting real mad at me over something stupid. He brought over 2 friends and they spent the whole weekend.." I bite my lip harshly, seeing blood seep through the fabric of my hoodie.

"I'm sorry angel." He mumbles, hugging me and kissing my cheek softly. He pulls away and sees my eyes trained on my wrists. He raises an eyebrow at the area before noticing the red tint on the black fabric. "Dan..?"

"I'm sorry." I pull my arms away, looking away from him.

"No, its okay.. What did you do?"

"Well its a bit obvious isn't it?" I snap, regretting that I did it to begin with as I fiddle with the sleeves. He doesn't push it and I realized I probably shouldn't have been so harsh if he was just asking a question. "Sorry." I mumble, looking down at my wrists.

"It's okay.. Just try not to do that anymore okay?"

"It's not that easy. I've tried. It's better then before but.."

"I know. Just try."

"I am."

"Okay.. I.. just don't want to see you hurting yourself. Plenty of people hurt you, you don't need to do it to yourself." He mutters, grabbing my hand. "Wanna change out of that?"

~~1177 words~~