Save Me ; Phan ~ completed

chapter 28

||Phil's POV||

After dropping Dan off I decided I really didn't want to go home. I simply had too much on my mind. I went to one of the only places I knew that no one else would be at. 

When I got to the park, it was empty, as expected. The park was quite big, with 3 separate areas. I made my way over to the little kids play set and sat down on the top of it. It was quiet for a good 45 minutes and I had enough time to clear my head. 

I went to get up and go somewhere else, when I heard a car horn beep and a yell. It sounded familiar, but I brushed it off. I walked over to the bench and laid down on it, going on my phone. 

In a matter of five minutes, someone rides up on a bike. I sit up and try to see who it is, but because of all the trees, and how dark it is, I can't see a thing. "Fucking- fuck fuck!" I hear a familiar voice shout. And I slowly realize, Oh.. That's Dan. 

At first I almost laugh at the use of the word. But then theres a continuing of curse words and shouting. I want to go over there and make sure he's okay, but maybe its not a good idea. I don't want it to seem like I just follow him around everywhere. 

I move over to where he wouldn't be able to see me, but I can see him. He looks clearly upset, and like he fell off his bike again. He's crying and angry about something, but is speaking too low for me to hear. He kicks the tree, slumping against it soon after. "God-fucking-damn it." He shouts, sinking to his knees and letting out a sob. 

It practically breaks my heart to see him like this.. But I don't know if its a good idea to make my presence known. But then again, I can't just do nothing.. Well this is a bad situation to be in.  Well fuck it. I think, already walking over to him. 

His eyes widen as he looks up, noticing me. "How long have you been here?"

"Since I dropped you off."

"Lovely. So you heard all that? And saw it?"

"Yeah."

"Great." He huffs, clearly mad at me over it. "Maybe next time don't sit behind a damn tree and watch me break down, yeah?"

"I.. Uh.. Sorry." I stutter, feeling bad about it. "Hey uh-"

"Listen, maybe I don't need you around to fix all my problems. I don't know why the hell you think you can just barge in and try to fix everything. You're only a year older then me, I can figure out my own problems sometimes. Why the hell are you even around me? The point is, I don't need your help. Some problems you just can't fix." He stops, wiping his eyes. "Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, you're the problem for once?" He snaps, leaving me speechless. 

"I.."

"No, you know what? I don't need you. Why don't you just leave me alone? This was never going to work anyway."

"I.. I'm.. sorry." I manage to choke out, biting back tears. "Um.. I'll.. go. Uh, see you.. tomorrow.." I stutter, my eyes filling with tears as I rush to my car. 

God damn it. All I wanted to do was help him. I never wanted to smother him, or be a pain. So maybe he's better off without me. Maybe I just, care too much? Maybe, I love him more then he loves me.. or maybe this is just a big misunderstanding. 

What if I am the problem? If so, what did I do? How can I fix it? 

I never wanted to hurt him. I wanted to take the hurt away. What the hell was I thinking? 

--

I drive home, trying to hold back tears. I barge through the front door, dropping my backpack on the ground. "God.." I choke out, letting the tears fall. In a matter of minutes I'm face first on my bed, crying my eyes out. 

I've never really been in love with someone, but I think Dan was the closest I've ever gotten. I don't want to lose him, but if he doesn't need me, what's the point? Why does my heart hurt so bad? 

Theres a knock at my door and my brother opens it, smiling sadly at me. "What are you doing up?" I mumble, just barely looking up from my pillow. 

"It's a little hard when it sounds like a dying whale is coming from the next room." He jokes, making me roll my eyes and sit up, hugging the pillow. 

"You're really good at making me feel better, you know?" I sigh sarcastically, wiping my eyes. 

"No problem." He chuckles, walking over and sitting at the edge of the bed. "Really though, what is it?"

"A lot." I mutter, looking down and trying to hold back tears again. 

"I can't give you any super cool brotherly advice if you don't tell me what's wrong."

"I just.. I don't think Dan- well I.. I don't know.. He uh.." I stammer, unsure how to put it. 

"Just say it."

"I'm not quite sure really."

"Just explain what happened." He says, sitting cross legged on my bed, ready to listen. I end up spilling everything and breaking down crying yet again. 

"And I just, don't know what to do." I finish, looking to him for some help. 

"Well, you don't really know what was going on in his head before you went up to him. He could've just been overthinking stuff, like you tend to do. Plus he probably wasn't really thinking about what he was saying. It probably just came out and he feels just as bad. Don't overthink it Phil." He says, making me feel a little better. It's always nice to talk to someone outside of the situation because they have a clear head about it. 

"I'm trying not to, but I don't wanna lose him. He was my one good chance at a friend." I mumble, my voice muffled by the pillow. 

"Lets be honest here, that would be boyfriend." He says knowingly. 

"And friend!" I yelp defensively. 

"Yeah okay. But really, knowing the two of you, Dan is just as worried about this as you. You both are in pretty frustrating situations right now. I heard you two talking about running away."

"I just think that-"

"Listen, I get it if you run off with him. It makes sense. You two are already so close. Just know you two can always come back here. Just.. make sure you're happy, whatever you do."

"Thanks." I mumble, hugging him tightly. "Now I just gotta find a way to talk to him again."

"Let him talk to you. See how it goes in the morning. Try to get some rest now before I drag you out of bed for school."

"Fine mom." I say, rolling my eyes and laying down. 

"Night." He smiles, leaving my room. 

~~1193 words~~

A/N - I apologize for this sad ass chapter.. I promise it gets happier!