Save Me ; Phan ~ completed

chapter 29

||Dan's POV||

I watch him walk away and instantly regret everything I said. I did need him to fix my problems. He isn't the issue. I am.

I let the tears fall from my eyes as I watch his car drive down the street. I don't know what I just did. Did I really just break up with him? What was that? What was I fucking thinking!? I just ruined everything.

I run my hands through my hair, tugging at the ends. I'm crying hard and genuinely pissed at myself. You had something really good going for you. Why did you just ruin the entire thing you idiot!

After a long hour of mentally scolding myself and crying my eyes out, I fall asleep on top of the play set.

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I wake up at noon, missing the majority of the school day. "Fucking wonderful." I huff, checking the time. I rush to grab my bike, riding to the school. By the time I get there I'm in my writing class. I run to grab my stuff from my locker and walk into the class.

"You are quite late Mr. Howell." My teacher states, crossing her arms.

"Sorry Mrs. P, I slept in a little too late." I mumble, looking up to see the entire class staring at me.

"Well, it's noon, so a little would be an understatement." She frowns at me, shaking her head.

"Yeah, sorry."

"Alright, have a seat, we're working on our free choice paper." She smiles, and I nod, trudging over to my desk, which is right next to Phil. I keep my head down and get my stuff out, knowing I still have eyes on me and people whispering.

[A/N- the writing he's talking about is in chapter 12 if u wanna re-read it.]

I glance to my left, noticing Phil staring my way. I immediately turn the other way, not wanting to even make conversation. I can tell he's worried about me, but I simply don't know why. I pull out my papers and stare down at the writing, re-reading it. My eyes flicker over a line, making tears build in my eyes.

It'll be alright one day, I promise.

I wrote it. But I hardly believe it. The thing that hurts even more is that, that entire paragraph was about things Phil has said. The paper was going to be about how someone can help, although the world may be falling apart. The only problem is, I just dumped the one person willing to help. I've got nothing to write about now. It hurts to read this. And just seeing this makes me remember the past few weeks.

Before I know it I'm silently sobbing into my jacket sleeve, trying not to make a scene. I look up at the ceiling and attempt to pull it together. I am battling myself in my head, and I can't seem to get a complete thought across. What a lovely thing. It definitely won't help for this class.

I calm down enough to pick up a damn pencil. I grab a new piece of paper. At this point, I'm not going to write anything for this class, I just feel like getting all this out.

Do you ever feel like you did something so insanely stupid, that there is no way you could have rationally thought of it? No? Just me? Well, I think I just ruined my life for, well, forever.

As some may know, everything about my existence sucks. I finally had one good thing though, a friend.. A boyfriend. But I was so mad at myself, I didn't realize what I was doing.

I'm positive he'll never want to speak to me again. And now I'm back where we were at the beginning. I want to kill myself. I really do.

Now I don't have a reason to hold on. I'm not sure if I'll even let him in again.. If he wants to.