Save Me ; Phan ~ completed

chapter 51

||Phil's POV||

"That was fucking sick. Alex you know I never meant to hurt you. I'm finally happy. I love him! I loved you too, but never this way. I'm in love with him. Please, you know. His bar is red. He's going to die. But I fucking love him!" I shout, tears streaming down my face in hot waterfalls.

"Well that's your problem, not mine." He laughs, shrugging.

"You didn't need to do this. I've said sorry."

"I'm not." He scoffs, turning around and walking off.

I run out of the shop and down the street. I catch up to Dan and grab him by the wrist. "Dan! You need to listen-"

"No I don't." He whips around, standing in front of me. "I fucking trusted you."

"Dan I promise I'm here." I choke out, nearly losing it. I can't imagine losing him. It's breaking my damn heart.

"Stop it with the bullshit promises! You know who else said they'd 'be here'? My fucking mom. You know what? She's dead. Do you think she stuck around? I need someone! Someone who cares!"

"I DO!"

"I fucking doubt it."

"Please Dan. Please. You really don't understand." I plead, so frustrated and wishing I could tell him.

"Well fucking enlighten me!"

"I can't!" I yell, so insanely annoyed that I can't tell him.

"WHY NOT!?"

"You'd hate me! You'd run off and give up and I can't let you do that!" I break down, sobbing into my hands.

"I need an explanation Phil! I've told you every-damn-thing! I need you to tell me the truth! What the hell is going on!?"

"D-Dan. Please. Trust me." I take a deep breath, trying to hold it together. "I love you. I swear on my damn life. I'd do anything for you. And I know it's looking like I don't care.. But I do. I promise, Alex is another story. I'm not trying to hide anything. I'm just trying to help you. I love you so much it physically hurts."

"Well you know what Phil? I'm done. I really fucking am. I can't do this. Maybe I don't love you.. I just can't do this."

"Dan." I plead, feeling like my chest is closing up. "Please don't-" He slaps me in the face, hard.

"Yeah, turns out I'm not too sure if I love you." He turns around, walking off in the other direction.

I stand there, stunned. Tears fall from my eyes freely as I choke back sobs.

'Maybe I don't love you.' The words ring in my ears, not helping how badly this hurts.

Then it hits me. We aren't in that town anymore. Dan doesn't even know where to go. In fact he has nowhere to go.

"Dan!" I call out, watching him turn around. "Where are you going?!"

"Wherever the hell I want!"

"Dan don't be like this."

"I'll be however I want to be. Haven't I made myself clear!? I want nothing to do with you!"

"Well.."

"Go back to your house Phil. Just go."

"You know I can't do that. And.. if you want to, you can always call me."

"Yeah. Bye." He says finally, walking off.

15 minutes later I find myself sitting in my car, at the same damn gas station. I decide to call someone, because I really don't know what to do.

"Hey Phil." I hear my brothers voice ring through the phone.

"Hi." I choke out, wiping my eyes.

"God what happened?"

I manage to tell him everything, leading up to where we sit now.

"How did- Wait but we had a damn funeral for Alex. How the hell..?"

"I know. I'm just as confused."

"What are you gonna do about Dan?"

"You heard what he said. He wants nothing to do with me and isn't sure if he even loved me."

"He's probably just upset. He loves you. That much is obvious."

"I know but Martyn, I'm finding it very difficult to believe that right now."

"Jesus Christ. How did you manage to fuck yourself over so badly."

"And I can't even come home! I mean, he doesn't even have a home to go to at all."

"Like I said, when this dies down, both of you can live here."

"If he'll ever speak to me again."

"He will."

"I hope so."

"Hey, I'll talk to you later, I've gotta do some stuff."

"Kay, bye." I hang up the phone and sit back in the car seat.

Memories flood through my head and I let myself cry.

That stupid school, full of drama and bullies. That little park that ended up being our hideaway.

The time spent at my house, sitting in my room for hours.

That night. A tainted memory by the pain of today. That night I was sure I loved him.

Now I don't know what to do because I still love him and apparently he doesn't love me.

~~820 words~~