Save Me ; Phan ~ completed

chapter 27

||Dan's POV||

An hour later we're pulling up to my house. I lean over and hug him tightly. "Thanks Phil." I mumble, kissing his cheek. 

"No problem love.. I'll see you later."

"Bye." I say, a genuine smile crossing my lips. I climb out of the car and manage to crawl though my window without making much of a commotion. Finally, there isn't any yelling or people up so I'm assuming they're asleep. I get into my bed and sit there, thinking about all that Phil said. No matter how hard I try, I can't help but let my mind wander. 

Would he really drop everything for me? 

God there's no way. I'm just.. not worth the trouble. I shouldn't be dragging him down with me. He's thinking about leaving his good family and happy life, to run away with me. I'm just not worth it. 

He must be absolutely out of his mind. But I can see why. If he was in my position and I was in his, I'd do the same for him. My only issue is, he'd be worth the trouble. I wouldn't be. I'm just a constant pain in the ass. 

It's just so easy to be happy with him. Its too easy. He expects me to be happy without him, but that's simply not possible. He's the only reason for my happiness lately. I just.. sort of wish he never came into my life. Trust me, I like having him around. I just know it would've been easier on him if he never met me. 

But I can't just die now. It would've been so much easier that way.. But he's here now. I can't kill myself. I can't run away. I can't leave him. 

Leaving wouldn't make me happier. I don't even have anywhere to go. Where do people run away to anyways? 

So this leaves me with the only option I have, stay. My life gets a lot easier when I just stick with him. The longer I try to run from him, the worse my situation gets. 

I just find it extremely difficult to believe that the world is okay with this. I just can't help but think that suddenly it's all going to go wrong. My life never goes right. I'm never happy. 

So why are things okay now? At least with him.. 

--

I can't stop my racing thoughts as my heart beats out of my chest. I know I'm not going to sleep for whats left of the night. I look down at the clothes I've been wearing since six in the morning. I'm too lazy to change completely so I change the top and grab my phone. It's nearly 4 in the morning, and I'm way to anxious to go back to sleep. I need a way to get out and clear my head. 

After a bit I grab my backpack and rush out the door. I hop on my bike and speed down the street. I've got no destination in mind, so I'm just aimlessly rushing around, unable to hear anyone because of my headphones, blaring at max volume. 

I always did this, biking fast until I crash into a tree or something and curse myself for doing it to begin with. It's a good way to get out your frustrations though. It helps in a strange way. Most times I forget I'm in public and get a lot of weird looks. It's okay as long as I don't bump into anyone I know. 

In 20 minutes I find myself on the street leading to the park. My mind won't stop swirling with contradicting thoughts. I want to leave, but I don't. I fucking love him, but I just don't know. I want to be happy, but I can't be. I'm angry at myself. I hardly notice the tears in my eyes until it's hard to see from how blurry it is. 

I go to wipe my eyes with one hand, but I am going down hill, way too fucking fast. Before I know it there's a car right in front of me and my heart nearly stops. I swerve to the right, hitting a bump and flying off the bike. After practically flying through the damn sky I hit the pavement hard. "Fuck!" I yelp, landing on my arm. "Fucking wonderful." I huff, laying back on the hard ground. I lay there a bit, catching my breath, still crying. 

I sit up and asses my injuries. "Great." I mumble, looking down at my bleeding, scraped up knees through my ripped jeans. I look down at my hands, which have scuff marks. I try to stand up and ignore the stinging, failing. I flop down on the grass and let out a pathetic sob. 

Another five minutes later I manage to get up and stumble over to my bike. Luckily, theres no damage to that. I lean over the bike, sighing. Why must my life suck so fucking bad? 

I hop on the bike and push myself forwards, deciding to sit at the park until I feel a little better. 

~~855 words~~

A/N- ideas, ideas..