Save Me ; Phan ~ completed

chapter 12

||Dan's POV||

"Holy shit, that was awesome." A kid named Pj says, smiling at me.

"T-Thanks." I mumble back, looking down and back up at Phil. "Sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Don't apologize. It's cool that you stood up for yourself. If you didn't I was going to anyways." He smiles, making me actually feel quite proud of myself. At least I didn't sit there and get humiliated in front of everyone.. Sort of.

"Yeah." I say, as the teacher walks into the classroom and starts getting ready for her class. The bell rings and I walk with Phil to our first class.

I get through most of the day without anyone doing too much damage. I've only got one class before lunch, when I can finally get away from these people for a while. Luckily, it's a writing class, with the only teacher that likes me. Phil and I walk to the back and sit down quietly.

"Alright class, today we're continuing our writing papers. I'll put the prompt back up, although you're free to expand on it, as its a free choice for the most part. Keep it school appropriate and at least 1 page." She says, writing on the whiteboard.

Everyone shuffles in their bags for their notebooks and pencils. Personally, given the freedom to write about anything I'd like, chose to write a quite depressing piece. I've always been able to open up through things like music and writing. We only started brainstorming last class and hopefully I can get a first draft started soon. I'm still not 100% on what I'm writing yet, but its going to be quite personal. Hopefully we don't have to read this to anyone else, let alone the whole god damn class.

"Alright, there it is. Please try to write about something that interests you, or you have a passion for. Don't give me a page of you talking about your love for hot dogs okay? You won't be presenting this, so you can get deep if you'd like. I'm giving you freedom this time so please don't make me regret it." She instructs, shaking her head at the class and walking to her desk.

I look down at my blank paper and frown, thinking of where to begin. Suddenly my phone buzzes silently in my pocket. We're allowed to have our phones in class, as long as we aren't using them the entire time. I shuffle it from my back pocket, turning it on and finding why it vibrated.

Unknown number - After school, you're dead Danielle.

At first I wonder who the hell could be texting me something like that, but after the name at the end, I know it must be Sam. My heart instantly picks up because I know I can't escape this. I think about ditching after lunch, but he'll get to me tomorrow before school anyways. I turn my phone off, stuffing it back in my pocket and looking around the room. I can't help but get anxious and in my head. I already get so much from my dad, I don't need Sam too. What was I thinking, yelling at him?

"Daniel? Is everything alright?" The teacher calls, catching my eyes and breaking me from my thoughts.

"Uh- Yes, Mrs. P." I say softly, slumping in my seat and grabbing my pencil.

I lean on the desk, raking a hand through my messy hair. I take a deep breath, clearing my head and trying hard to think about writing. I'm not the best at writing, or words in general. I try though, plus this class has helped me improve quite a bit. 'Starting is always the worst part, but after that the words will flow like water from a faucet.' My teacher's words ring in my head and I know all I have to do is get a solid idea.

But thats not the issue, I have plenty of ideas, I'd just be spilling the truth to my teacher, who might bring it to the principle, who will bring it to my dad. Therefore, I'd rather not send it in. Regardless, I begin to write.

I like guys. I'm depressed. I've got anxiety. I'm being abused. I'm bullied. I'm suicidal.

You're okay. It's not a big deal. We've all been depressed before. You're being dramatic. I get that way too. Stop over exaggerating. Just stop acting that way. Stop the feelings. Don't live that lifestyle. No you aren't. no one would do that to you. But he's such a good person. I don't believe you.

These are the reactions you get when you try to get some help. Then people tell you, 'why don't you get some help?'

Well, I tried. But that never works does it?

It's lovely when you're the perfect storm of disaster. I've got everything that can be wrong with a person, wrong with me. But then theres that one person who tells me..

I know its not okay, but I'll try to make it okay. I know its a big deal, and I'll help if I can. Depression sucks, but I'll be here for you. You're not being over dramatic. I know how you feel. You aren't over exaggerating. I know you can't stop it. I'm that way too sometimes. I know you are. How could anyone hurt a beautiful creature like you? What a monster. I believe you. It'll be alright one day. I promise.

Although that person thinks its just a fact, and that everyone should be that way.. No one else is like that. They don't know it, but they saved my life, at least for a little while. They make me smile, and think that everything will be okay. Even if its lies. I know that in reality..

I'm not okay. All those things, might just be the death of me. I know you might think, you're so young, who would be that unhappy? And why?

I wish I could tell you the extent of the demons in my head, and the ones in the real world. I wish I could say who refuses to give me a break when I'm about to fall apart. I wish I could tell you who makes me smile so wide I almost forget about the bad stuff.

But I'm not here to snitch, or ruin anyone else's day. I've already done that for myself. It's alright though, or at least thats what I'll say to continue living like this.

I stop, looking up as people start getting talkative. "Alright class, pack up, bell rings in 5." Mrs. P says making everyone start to gather their things. I look down at the page as I've spent the past 30 minutes spilling my thoughts onto a page. I hardly notice I'm crying until a teardrop hits the page, smudging the writing a little. I wipe my eyes, shaking my head and packing up.

Soon enough the bell rings and I'm at Phil's side, walking out of the classroom.

~~1166 words~~