Save Me ; Phan ~ completed

chapter 34

A/N- the format of the beginning of this chapter is a lil weird and I don't normally do this, but imma try it. Also the time is around December but I'm probably not going to make much about snow or whatever.. cuz I live in Florida and have never experienced snow. k? k.

Also TW about rape/abuse-ish stuff

||Dan's POV||

I've been ignoring him all week. I'm sure he hates me. He must.

No. I'm not sure he hates me.

In fact, I think he still likes me.

Maybe even loves me.

I'm just telling myself he hates me.

The truth is, I'm in love with him. But I'm scared. I'm scared to fall for him.

I'm scared to be in love.

I know that he cares. I know he'd treat me well.

I just don't want it.

Thats a lie. I do want it. Badly.

I just refuse to believe I can be happy. I don't deserve to be happy.

I deserve the pain that this brings. I deserve the heartbreak.

Maybe I don't. Maybe I'm just so used to it, that I'm okay with it.

Maybe I even like it.

No. There's another lie.

Lies that come from the mouth of my father.

Lies that will be repeated to me until I believe them.

But maybe I just enjoy lying to myself.

My father has told me, I'll never be loved.

I thought I felt it once. Love.

I did. It came from a boy who cared a little too much.

It flooded my heart and soul. It made me think that I could be happy.

Happy. I was happy once.

It happened when I was with him.

When he'd make some cheesy joke, or some cliche pick up line.

I'd roll my eyes and he'd just wrap an arm around me.

It was a giggly feeling that rose in my chest, causing a smile to form on my lips.

He was beautiful. So insanely gorgeous it'd knock the wind out of me.

He was too sweet for his own good. He loved me when I was unloveable.

But I've stopped speaking to him.

I miss him.

I want to kiss him.

I want him to wrap his arms around me, and tell me everything's fine.

But its not going to happen, because I'm falling apart again.

I'm cutting again. I'm not eating.

Since I'm home a lot more, my dad has picked up the abuse.

It's daily. Multiple times a day.

Maybe I deserve it.

I cry a lot more. I hate myself more.

I want to die a lot more.

I miss him.

Have I said that already?

---

It's currently Friday and after a week of ignoring Phil, I officially hate myself. I'm back to doing everything Phil's told me not to. But I'm horny as hell and I miss him.

It's nearly 8pm and my mother has left yet again. My father is drinking and screaming downstairs. Tonight would be one of those nights where I call Phil, or stay the night at his place. I know that at some point my father will come in here, or order me down the stairs for something.

For the past 5 minutes I've been staring at my phone, my earbuds in so I can't hear the loud noises from downstairs. I've got my eyes glued to the contact on the top of my screen.

~ Phil <3 ~

I begin to write some sort of long ass text to him.

'Hey Phil. I know it's been a week. But I'm really starting to hate myself over this. I'm sorry and I love you. So fucking much. I'd do anything just to

I stop as my father bursts into my room, shouting something that comes off muffled because of the music blaring in my ears. My eyes widen and I drop my phone, pulling out my earbuds. "You little fucking-" He swears, stumbling over and grabbing me by the hair. I'm lazily dragged out of my room and tossed down the stairs, earning a few bruises on the way down.

"I-I'm sorry." I whimper, knowing there's no way to stop him once he's started.

"Do you listen to a damn thing I ever say?" He scolds, kicking me. "Get up." He snaps and I stumble to my feet, muttering another apology. "How f-fucking stupid can you be?" He snaps, pushing me back against the wall. My head hits the hard surface with a loud bang, blurring my vision. "What were you doing? Trying to get your fucking boyfriend to care? No one will ever love you." He shouts, hitting me in various places as he screams. "Do you hear me!?"

"Y-Yes." I stutter, holding in tears.

"You know what, you're going to do what I want you to." He says, getting a wickedly terrifying look in his eyes. I know where this is going and all the color drains from my face. Not again. He grabs me by the hair, making me look him in the eyes.

"On your knees. Now." He orders and I stand there frozen for a second. My eyes fill with tears as I grow sick to my stomach. "Now!" He shouts and I jump, before hesitantly sinking to my knees. He soon pulls down his clothing, and I let out a silent sob. "Go ahead you little slut." He huffs, gripping my hair tightly and urging me forwards.

I take him in my mouth, fighting the urge to bite. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to put myself in another situation, where this isn't happening. I let the tears silently fall, allowing him to use my mouth as he pleases. I try to think of anything else, a song, a show, a conversation. Anything to get me out of this place. I can't stand the sounds coming from above me. He doesn't bother to stop as I gag, desperately wanting this to end. Without warning, he finishes, letting go of my hair and pulling up his pants. "Fucking whore." He scoffs, stumbling up the stairs to his room.

I curl up in a ball, bawling my eyes out. I need to leave..

I run up the stairs, grabbing my phone and headphones. I rush back down the stairs, and hop on my bike. I don't stop until I get to the park. I jump off the bike and run to the swings.

I'm shaking and on the verge of an actual breakdown. I can't function and it feels like I've lost the ability to breathe. I open my phone and type out a message with shaky fingers.

Me- Help.

~~1098 words~~

A/N- I'm in a decent homeroom for school but I have no friends in my classes. Kill me now. I got no sleep cuz I was up worrying about school and writing this fic. Oh well it was worth it.