My Ex's Best Friend / d.h.

Prologue

When I was a kid, I never pictured my "prince charming." Hell, Shayne Topp looks like a perfect Prince Charming when you look at him. Great hair, beautiful eyes, killer smile, a sexy body; could you say perfect? Perfect? What else would you call someone like him? He is an actor, he is apart of a terrific YouTube channel, and he is beyond gorgeous. Why would any girl give him up? A question I've been asked by plenty.

Because the so called perfect guy wasn't perfect at all. But hey, I'm not any better; in fact, I made him worse.

He hated how we ended things, but the choices I made gave him no choice. It was either live with the fact that I gave him a reason not to trust me anymore and still be with me, or for him to let me go and forget I had ever existed. That wasn't hard for him though which makes sense to why we broke up so easily.

Though my easy is different than Shayne's because I didn't realize it hurt him as bad as I thought it would.

Shayne kept me a secret from all his fans because he was afraid of how fans would react about him having a "fling" and he was also afraid that we wouldn't last. He was right about that one though, but it would've last if he only told the truth. Together for almost a year and nobody knew I existed. The Smosh crew didn't even know I existed. His own best friend who knows almost everything about him and they were even roommates for a while, he didn't know I existed.

But to think about his best friend now... who even knew this shit would happen between him and I?

That's not a topic I want to talk about just yet though. No, there is more to talk about before I bring him into this. I won't get into details on what happened between Shayne and I, but I will get into what started it.

Shayne and I met on the set of 'So Random!' which was a show on Disney channel that I didn't get the part for, but hey, I got to meet Shayne and we became friends. It wasn't anything serious at that time since that was 2011, but when I was struggling at home with my mother, being around Shayne was easier.

I met his best friend too, but again, that's not a topic I want to bring up just yet.

When my mom kicked me out of her house in 2015, I felt so alone and I didn't know what to do with my life at that point. I was on academic probation at college for what seem to be forever and ended up dropping out since my GPA was the lowest it ever was. It wasn't that I hated school or I was out partying and not giving a damn. It was the fact I wasn't meant for college and I couldn't do the work. I felt so out of place and I knew it was the right choice.

My mom thought otherwise.

When my father died, my mom was really struggling to get back on her feet. I was only ten at this time and she was having to take care of me and my younger brother, Austin, who was seven at the time. She was just a stay at home mom and with dad passing, we had barely any money, until she met Austin and I's now stepfather and he moved in after dating her for just one month.

Love at first sight? Well, I don't believe in that but if she does, congrats on her. That's not how I see love.

But how do I see love? Do I believe in it?

Maybe someone changed that, or maybe they didn't and I'm still the piece of shit I am today.

Even though I'm the only one that sees it, my mom is using my stepfather for his money so she doesn't have to get a job. Don't get me wrong, she wasn't using my dad when he was working; they both agreed that he would get a job while she stayed at home taking care of Austin and I, and there's no problem with that. The only problem is that my stepfather works his ass off while my mom just sits at home and takes it all in.

And she's the one who was pissed at me about leaving college since it was "a waste of money." Not her money though, right?

Something came out of being around my mother unfortunately. The way she uses people, well, I guess it'll be told sooner than later. It's not a quality I want to have; it just sort of happened and it wasn't suppose to happen that way. I don't expect pity though, no I expect the complete opposite. Everything that has happened to me, happened because I let it happen. Not because I couldn't stop it from happening.

When I was in college, I was still living with my mom and stepfather, which was completely fine with them because they wouldn't have to pay extra for a dorm room and plus, they got to keep me a little bit longer. After dropping out though, my mom kicked me out with no hesitation. She thought it would be better for me to be out in the real world and not take advantage of them anymore. Maybe because someone in the house was already taking advantage of it.

The only thing I hated about it was leaving Austin because he was the only true friend I had. Austin wasn't just a normal annoying brother; actually, he wasn't annoying at all. He looked out for me more than anybody, as a brother should. I just hate that I didn't keep in contact with him when I left but I was hurt.

That's until I got to see Shayne again.

No matter what, I did fall for Shayne but not the same way he fell for me. I treated him badly and I shouldn't have, but with the environment I lived in, I didn't even know how to love. My roommate Rebecca, told me what love is because she's been in love with the same girl since high school, but Ally (the girl she was in love with) unfortunately died in a car accident which sent Rebecca in a deep dark pit, but this dark pit was hidden away.

She explained to me that love was beautiful and it is kind of hard to find, but when you find it, you don't want to let it go. It wasn't like that with Shayne though. I loved Shayne, but it wasn't real love. Not the way I actually fell for Damien.

Oh yes, a new name has appeared and yes, Damien is Shayne's best friend.

Let's just make it known I'm a fucked up person who not only hurt Shayne Topp, but decided to fall for his best friend, Damien Haas.

If you thought this was just about Shayne, you clearly haven't been listening. But it might be confusing since Shayne and Damien act exactly the same. That's not exactly true. Damien was a completely different person when I met him and I didn't expect us to get along so well. With Shayne, I kind of forced myself on him so he had no choice to become friends with me or even date me.

Actually, he made that choice. The friends part though, yeah, I forced that on him...

Damien is an absolute sweetheart and to know how much he cares about his friends, it made me fall for him even more. He is an absolute dork but that's what makes him, him. I could go on about the littlest things that made Damien and I become friends and for us to even think about us being together, but there's just too much and this is only the beginning.

But did we get together?

Maybe.

Or maybe I just fucked it all up like I normally do.

I warned Damien from the beginning that I was a complete piece of shit and he would waste his time even being around me, but he insisted on being friends with me and wanting to know EVERYTHING about me. To know someone cared that much about me, that scared me more than anything. Even when Shayne let me in to his home, I was surprise he cared that much.

Makes sense why they are best friends though.

Damien cared more though. Damien made sure I kept a smile on my face and made sure I laughed whenever we were around each other, and since we were becoming really good friends, he made sure to let all his fans know that we were hanging out. All over his little Instagram story, on Twitter and even on his live streams. I'm not saying that's what I wanted when Shayne and I were together, but at least I felt like Damien was proud to have me as a friend.

Damien wasn't being my friend to hurt Shayne. That's his best friend and he isn't that type of person, and I wasn't becoming friends with Damien to hurt Shayne either. It just sort of happened. It killed me the way I hurt Shayne and I would never want to do that to anyone else, especially Damien, but with the outcome that happened, I guess I deserved it in the end.

Why should I be happy with someone who could've been the one when karma never got me for what happened with someone else?

Guess we will all find out together...