Anything Can Happen/ Merlex

Just When Things Are Getting Better

Mer's pov

   A month later, my leg completely healed and i'm back at work at the hospital. Alex is still​ having nightmares. He keeps putting it off saying it will go away. But know from experience that they never do. I mean they disappear but they are always in the back of your mind. They come up when you are finally ready to move on. They hold you down in the same spot you keep getting suck at. Unfortunately , That's unforgettable cycle of healing. The pain never goes away. It does fade overtime, but never completely disappears.

   I tried suggesting therapy. But every time I bring up the subject. He says he's fine. But I know for a fact that doesn't mean shit. I invented " I'm fine".  I use
it all the time. I had a shitty childhood. Like I said before. That he has had a more shitty, damaged childhood.

    After long night of work. I finally get home. "Alex", I call from the dining room. "Yes Mer"? He calls from the other room. "I know you keep telling me drop the therapy. But i think it will help you. I know you keep saying your fine. But I know you. You're not fine. I love you Alex, im just concerned about you", I smile at alex.
"No!, Mer, How many times do i have to tell you. No! I'm fine. I really am fine. I don't fucken need to talk a therapist about my fucken problems in my life. I'm not having nightmares anymore. "I'M FINE!" Alex snaps.

    He storms off back the living room. I tried so hard not to fall apart at that exact moment. I go to our room. As i shut the door. My eyes start to burn. From the unwanted tears. I know he is just not wanting to admit. That he needs therapy.

   At first, when I had my first therapy session. I told the therapist I was fine. But she saw right through. That thick wall. The one I put up to protect my life. The one I put up from damages my childhood caused me. My mother, father. All my abandonment issues. She saw right through that wall. As much as I wanted to deny that therapy didn't helped. It actually made me more willing to let people in.

    When I first met Alex or derek and lexie. I was scared to let them in. Therapy helped me do that. Before it i was scary and damaged. What me and Cristina always say we are dark and twisty. I think Alex is too now. Im trying to be there for him. But it's not easy. I know how he feels. He doesn't want to admit that therapy will help him. He trying to be strong. Like he always had to be. He had to a grown up at the age six. I know he's going to have a long recovery process. Believe me I do know exactly how he feels.

Alex's pov
Lately i haven't been feeling myself. Mer keeps asking and telling me to go to therapy. I know its not going to happen. Its not going to work. I know mer keeps telling me it help her let people in. But I'm scared. Shes going to leave me just like the others. My mother, father and izzie. There's always that fear that she get up and walk away from me. Just like the others.

    As I pass by our room. I hear quiet sounds of crying come from behind the door. I open the door a creak. I see Mer sitting on the bed with her knees tucked into her body while her face couldn't be seen. I could hear crying. I decided to open the door more. Mer looks up from where she handle her head to her knees. Her eyes were bloodshot and redness was in her cheeks.

   "Alex" she croaked out.

  "Mer, im so sorry. I shouldn't of snapped at you were just trying to help. Instead i should spoken and tell you the reason why i didn't want to do therapy. I'm afraid that you will get sick of me and leave like everyone else in my life. My mother, father and izzie. They all left me" i choke out into sobs.

   Tears were running down my face. My breathing quickened. "Hey, hey Alex, I'm not going to get sick of you and leave. Alex i have the same abandonment issues as you. Why would i want to leave you. You make me enjoy life. Like it has a purpose. Alex I'm not that type of person to do that" she calmly talks as she rubs my back in a soothing motion. I start to calm down. " what would i do without you mer". She just smiles and leans forward to give me a kiss on my lips.