Ask or Dare the Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman

JAYDEN'S HOME AND SHE'S P*SSED

Me: *At grandma's.*

Phone: *Dings.*

Me: *Checks phone* . . .JD sent me pictures? I swear JD, if this is something no one wants to see- *Opens pictures.*

First picture: Hercules Mulligan broke the pool table I didn't even know I had.

Second picture: Actually a video of the fight.

Third picture: JD's painting. The picture has a caption that reads "My masterpiece~"

Fourth picture: Veronica puking on the carpet. in the background there's a huge lump under the covers of the bed. It's obviously two people.

Fifth picture: The bathroom fire.

Sixth picture: Kurt shoving half of the silverware into his pockets. Ram's hiding behind him, holding an axe.

Last picture: Heather Duke hugging Jared. There's a pink filter to the picture, there's hearts scattered everywhere. There's a caption that says, "OTP"

Me: . . . . . MOM. WE ARE GOING HOME RIGHT NOW!  *Text JD.* I'LL BE HOME IN TWO HOURS. MAKE SURE THESE LOW LIFES DON'T GO ANYWHERE!

JD: Yes ma'am!

~Timeskip!~

Youngblood: MOVE, MOVE, MOVE! JAYDEN'S COMING HOME TONIGHT, IF WE WANT TO KEEP OUR HEAD WE-

Me: *Slow claps.* Heard about the party. I'm sooo disappointed I wasn't invited!

Youngblood: JAYDEN!!?! What are you doing heerre?

Me: A murderous little birdie told me about this destructive event happening in my house.

Everyone: *Looks at JD.*

JD: *Evil laugh.* Yeah, I totally did that!

Heather D: I told you to delete those pictures!

JD: You didn't say I couldn't send them to Jay first!

Me: *Nods.* And since you ratted them out- *Steps out of the way of the door.* You're free to go.

JD: Nah, I want to watch you murder them.

Me:  *Shrugs. Clears throat and stomps towards Heather D.* Firstly- *Shoves her.* YOU STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM JARED. HE MIGHT NOT DESERVE THE NICEST PERSON IN THE WORLD, BUT HE DOES DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU!

Heather D: YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO-

Me: *Presses hard on a pressure point on her neck. Jake taught me that.*

Heather D: GAH- F-FINE.

Me: Great. Next!~ Vivi.

Vivi: Oh HECK no. *tries to climb out a window.*

Me: *Grabs her foot.* I won't hurt you! But I will tell you this. I will keep the hole in the wall. I'll keep it to remind you what happens when you anger me. As for the TV, you're paying for a new one.

Me: BACK TO HEATHER! *Turns back to Heather D.* I heard you bought me a pool table. Then Hercules broke it. So- *Handcuffs them together.* You two are gonna buy me a new one!

Heather D: Actually! Heather M-

Heather M: It doesn't matter, Heather!

Me: *Mumbles.* What else, what else. . .  OH! VERONICA!

Veronica: *Hides her face in her diary.* Oh god, don't hurt me!

Me: *Rips her diary away from her.* I won't. But one way or another, you're getting that puke out of the carpet. And if you don't manage to, I will make a smoothie with the grossest ingredients I can find and force you to drink it. Speaking of which- *Snaps fingers* HEATHER!

Heather M and C: Yes?

Me: Both of you, go get me a blue raspberry slushie!

Both: *Runs off*

Me: Kurt. Empty your pockets.

Kurt: I-I- Fiiinne! *Empties pockets. The silverwere falls out.*

Me: *Hugs him.* Thank you sweetie. You can leave. You too, Ram

Ram and Kurt: *Runs out of house.*

Me: Last thing. *Walks over to Jared.* Who helped you plan this?

Jared: The Heathers, Martha, and Veronica! Don't hurt me!!

Me: I won't. But here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna throw my own party. You, the Heathers, Martha, and Veronica are gonna help plain and pay for it. It'll be at your house. I won't spend a dime on this. Got it?

Jared: YES MA'AM!

Heathers: *Comes back with my slushies.*

Me: *Takes them. Pours one on top of Jared's head. Sips the other one.* Thank you.

Jared: I-I GAH! *Screeches.*