Life, Love, and other misunderstandings [Camren fanfic]

Chapter 13

A/N: Sorry for the mistakes, I'm really fucked up.

– Have you ever thought about it?

– Thought about what?

– Getting married...

Camila and I are watching some random chick flick while Zach is peacefully sleeping, cuddled up with me. His little hands are grabbing my t-shirt as if he was afraid to let me go. I'm holding him against my body with one arm while using my free hand to gently caress his little face and I can't help but watch in awe how cute he is. I can see some of Camila's features on him, his cute nose, his smile and his silky brunette hair.

I look up and see Camila staring at him as well, I can see all the love she's got for him by the way she looks at him with pure adoration. Sometimes I wonder if he reminds her of that douche that left her. I wonder if she regrets having him and I wonder if there's anything I could do to help her deal with her struggles as a single mom.

My head is lying on her lap and I slightly move it so it's easier for me to look at her and she smiles while randomly playing with my hair.

– Why do you ask?

– Well after the whole grocery store misunderstanding I guess I'm just curious to know if you see yourself living that kind of life. Having kids of your own, a house and stuff? I don't know.

I sigh. Camila and I always talk about everything, but I don't think we ever talked about our thoughts on family and marriage. I guess it makes sense she'd wonder, as a matter of fact I was ready to pop the question to Lucy even when she said we didn't need to be married to confirm our love to others.

– Yes, I thought about it. How could I not? I never told you this but I was planning on marrying Lucy before...you know, – I swallow hard. Sometimes it still hurts thinking about it because I'll never know what would've happened if I asked. I wonder if that would've made you happy Luce.

Camila gasps at my statement and she looks at me with soft eyes, a little smile making its way on her lips. Suddenly I feel my pain going away. I lost Lucy but I'm still surrounded by love and support from my family and friends and it's in this moment that I understand that's all I need to keep going.

– You'd be the best wife Lauren. And don't worry, I know Lucy would've been the happiest girl if you asked, don't ever doubt it. I saw the way she looked at you and even if she used to say marriage was just an institution and that you didn't need some lifeless paper to prove your love for each other, I could tell deep down she was dying to tie the knot with you.

– You think so? – I say with a shaky voice. There's a knot in my throat and my chest feels warm. My lips curve into a smile when I feel a lonely tear making its way down my cheek. It's a happy tear. Somehow knowing that others could sense our love makes me happy, it makes me feel proud.

– Of course. You guys were my golden couple, I wish I could find someone to share something like what you had, – Camila says softly, and uses her thumb to wipe my tear away.

– Yeah....me too, – I deadpan. These last few weeks, after that dream about Lucy I've been thinking about what she said in that dream and what Camila said to me after that about not feeling guilty if I catch feelings again. It made sense, life goes on for me. It's hard because the next person will have to accept that part of me too, but it's not too different from being with a person who was involved with someone else, I figured. Exes, they come in different shapes and forms, I guess.

– Did Annie make you change your mind? – she teases, changing the mood of the whole conversation.

– Nah, – oh I didn't tell Camila about her calling it quits the other day, – she decided it's best if we don't see each other anymore.