Orphan

Chapter 3 (still continued)

“That’s not funny,” he added as I shook my head, “But this is,” he smirked and the next thing I knew a blob of clay ended up on my forehead, his laughter filling my room as I chuckled. It was the first time I had heard him laugh, ever. It was quite surprising to say the least. “You ass,” I chuckled throwing a handful his way as he ducked and it hit my wall. Both our mouths falling into an ‘O’ as we looked to each other, then back at the wall. “Babygirl you’re in trouble for dirtying your wall,” he chuckled and I rolled my eyes with a smile, finishing up the first part of the project as he did the same. After we had completed two organs… sort of, we had decided it was getting late and I still had a house to clean before my parents got home. “I have to go clean up, you have everything?” I asked as he nodded, examining my room once again, seemed to be his habit. I shrugged walking down, doing the dishes, a few minutes later I heard his footsteps come down and a door shut. “This all you have to do?” he asked as I nodded, “Okay.” He stated plainly as he took a dishcloth and started drying off the wet plates, stacking them neatly on the counter. I was taken aback by the gesture, but it was help nevertheless. I finished up, packing the dishes away as he gave the counters a final wipe.
“Thank you for the help, you didn’t have to but I appreciate it.” I mumbled cautiously, his moods literally changed every minute so I didn’t know what would set him off. “S’okay…” he answered with a shrug as I nodded, “You tell your parents a specific time you were going to be home?” I asked in need of something to say as he shook his head, Of course he didn’t, why would someone like him do that. Stupid.

Harry swiftly stood up from where he was sitting and went up to my room again, I followed him there only to see him inspecting my walls again. He was fixated on one picture though. “That’s my parents and me at a theme park with my late brother,” I answered the unasked question hanging in the air as he nodded at the realization, “what happened to him?”

“Died in a fight, gang fight.” I muttered as his cheeks flushed slightly, but once again reverting to its natural tone soon enough. “That’s unfortunate… ‘M Sorry.” He mumbled, compassion clear in his voice. “Me too. You have siblings?” I asked as he continued to stare at the picture, he shrugged in response. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.”

“Your mum have a lot of…y’know, lovers?” I asked cautiously, I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries. “No, then again I wouldn’t know. I don’t know her, I’m an orphan. I’d like to think I don’t have any siblings because if I did either they’re dead or someone decided they were worth more than me to look after…Those are the scenarios; none of which make it hurt any less.” He spoke so clearly, so plainly as if the words didn’t hurt him. As if he had become so distant to his emotions, they didn’t even affect him anymore. “…Oh,” I frowned slightly, “I didn’t know,”

“No one did, besides the lads. There’s a lot you don’t know.” He mumbled, now looking over at me. It was like he was a different man. “You know…You’re not as horrible as everyone says you are, except when you’re with them. You’re nothing like they make you out to be.” I said sitting down on my bed as he turned to me seriously. “They’re the reason I am the way I am, it’s only natural for them to discard their own creation. At least that’s what my parents thought. Guess that’s everyone’s mindset in this fucked up place.” Harry sighed with a shrug. There was a long pause of silence before he spoke up again, “What’s it like to have a family?”

“How about you find out tonight? Stay for supper. We can finish the rest of the project too,” he seemed hesitant to accept the offer. “Harry, please. C’mon…” I pleaded, I actually had some respect for the guy. He nodded slowly, as a smile crept onto my lips, the door downstairs opened and the welcoming sound of my parents flooded the kitchen. “Let’s go,” I smiled putting out my hand for him as he ignored the gesture walking through the door, I sighed going down greeting my parents as I introduced them to Harry. “Hi, you look familiar…” my mother smiled as I felt my heart jump, hopefully she wouldn’t recognize him from anything in the papers or the news. “Yeah, he was around here a few times. Moved here short while back. Is it okay if he stays for supper?”

“Of course baby, you two can go set the table, food is going to be done soon,” she smiled as I nodded, Harry following closely behind me as we set the table. He seemed good at this. “You know how to do this better than me,” I chuckled as he shrugged, “I set the tables at the orphanage, I should be a pro by now,” he smiled slightly, “You have fond memories there?”

“It was nice at times, besides the obvious. I visit it sometimes… say hi to Nan…take her to see papa whenever we had the time,”
“You have grandparents?”

“…No not technically, they were my caretakers and I called them that, until my papa passed when I was 14, now I try and take nan to visit his grave whenever we can, we make it look nice.” He spoke proudly, it broke my heart to hear it, but these were fond memories he had, his smile proved it. “Food’s done, you may eat kids.” My dad smiled putting the food down as we sat down at the table, having conversations and enjoying the nicely cooked meal. “…she dropped everything on the floor like it was a disease,” my dad chuckled as everyone laughed while he told his story about some weird happenings at work. I smiled as everyone seemed content, glancing over at Harry whose smile slowly dropped as he excused himself from the table. I got up and followed him outside as he stood against the wall holding his arms tightly, his jaw clenched. “What’s wrong? Why did you walk out?”

“This was a mistake, I can’t pretend to have a family. I shouldn’t have done this, it’s the most beautifully created façade of what I will never have. You’re all happy and for the first time ever I have experienced what it might have felt like, but this is not my family. This is not where I belong. This isn’t my reality, I belong in the gutters, where I’ve always been. Because see if I deserved better my parents wouldn’t have decided to give me away and if they had died, then no one else wanted me anyway.

I’m nothing but bad news, I’m a wreck and I don’t deserve the grain of happiness you’ve shown me right now. It gives me hope for what will never come, shows me a future I’ll never achieve and a past I was too unloved to get. So do you see why I couldn’t just sit there and be happy? I pretend. It’s what I do, I’ve never actually been happy, never truly felt the emotion; except for rare occasions and when those occasions came I loved it but dreaded it at the same time because being happy now means I’ll have a relapse later, worse than the sadness I’m used to, more broken than before… all because of this beautifully created illusion that I could be important. I won’t have that.” He sighed walking off as my heart dropped and I walked inside. What had just happened…