Orphan

Chapter 69

The light on my face was almost blinding, my vision came back slowly as I tried to open my eyes as best as possible. The taste of blood was still in my mouth, my face felt swollen, in general I felt shit. I opened my mouth, but the smallest movement hurt me, my lip was burning. In fact, my whole body was. I saw the white ceiling of a hospital room, a doctor above me with a small torch. "There she is." He smiled softly at me fixing the drip beside me, I furrowed my eyebrows looking down at the needle in my arm.

Suddenly my heart rate picked up on the monitor as the memory of what had happened flooded my thoughts. Had I been successful, how long had I been unconscious? "Calm down, everything is better now...She's gonna be fine, just give her a few minutes to come to." The doctor nodded at someone on my right, I swallowed down the lump in my throat as I painfully turned my neck only to find Harry sat there with a finger on his lip, deep in concentration as he stared at me. He bit his lip and stood up from his seat walking next to my bed, leaning on the bed rail. "Pretty stupid of you to jump like that." He muttered looking me over head to toe, until our eyes met again. "What are you trying to do? Worry me? You were so damn irresponsible." He sighed shaking his head in disappointment. I frowned, shaking my head to my own regret, my head started spinning at the movement. "H-g..." I choked on my words, my throat suddenly dry and hoarse. "P-Plea-"
"Shh, shh, shh... No talking now, sweetheart. It's best you and the baby recover." Harry was strained and I knew it, I could see it in his eyes. His demeanour was calm, but his eyes, oh his eyes... they were wild. They were a warning, a threat, and both he and I were fully aware of it.

The doctor however, wasn't. "You are lucky you're both still alive, that jump could have been fatal considering the amount of damage to the head you've sustained. "What...what do you mean?"
"Just that everything is starting to look up, the baby was unaffected by the fall, what's important to the baby's recovery is yours as of now, your arms and head took most of the blow. Do you remember what happened?" My eyes had begun to slowly brim with tears, the very mention of the word...baby? What the hell did I do, I couldn't fake a thing now. "Yeah, I remember...did...are you sure the b-aby is okay, have you checked?"
"I have ma'am, everything seems to be okay, don't worry." I shut my eyes tightly at the realisation of just what I had managed to do, and what I had almost done...pretended to do. Uncontrollable sobs broke from my lips, the pain and pressure of the situation too much to bear all at once. "It's okay, I will deal with her. She just needs some space, please." Harry muttered to the doctor, who only gave a polite smile and nodded making his way out of the room. I wish I had had the strength in me to call him back and ask him to never leave my side, but I was afraid. More afraid than ever, of not only being alone with Harry, but of Harry.

As soon as the door shut, Harry's face contorted into something I hadn't recognised, but it was unsettling. It was a cold, blank stare. But his body language was tense, shaking, mad. "Are you feeling okay?"
His question took me by surprise, couldn't say I saw it coming, I was way too fixated on his attitude towards me to think. "I've felt better, but I... I guess I'm fine." It seemed it was more than just the raw, swelling in my throat which got in my way of speaking now. I was strained and I needed some way to apologise and make him see why I did what I did, but I knew he wouldn't understand, he wouldn't want to. "You almost killed our child." His words cut through me in a way only he was capable of. My eyes shut tightly as I bit the inside of my cheek, my best shot at withholding tears. "Say something." He urged, his eyes focused on my face, I was as helpless as anyone could possibly be, emotionally, mentally and physically helpless. I opened my lips but all I could do was croak back inaudible confusing sounds which were somehow supposed to substitute words. "Say something dammit!" his body was still, tense, as his head bopped forward with such force his hair fell into his forehead, just barely covering his eyes and shielding me from their fixated gaze. "H-arry I don't know what y-you want me to say-"
"How about why! How about you explain to me why it was ever a thought to take that jump!" Harry walked away from my bedside briefly, running his hand through his hair and pushing it away from his face once more before turning back around and taking a few steps towards me clicking the button to raise the bed and leaning on the bedrails. I swallowed down the rest of the fear which slowly turned into guilt as the bed raised, moving me closer to his body hovering over me. "Y-ou were scaring me." I mumbled quietly withholding tears as the bed came to a hault and he cocked a brow at me. "What was that? Speak up."
"I said, you were scaring me! I didn't know how I would ever raise a child with you when I was the one doing it alone. I don't want to be responsible for everything all of the time, I am terrified Harry!" his eyebrows knit together tightly, confusion and shock written all over his face. "So you'd rather lose your own child?"

"Harry this child was the only thing keeping me alive around you. Trust me when I say this was a last resort." I spat with a frown, feeling the tears tickling my cheek as it landed on my lips spreading across the expanse of them, an air of silence was all that stood between us now. His hand reached up to my face, but I moved away, much to my own regret as my head throbbed from the sudden jerk. His lips curved down into a regret of his own as he continued to reach forward slowly and gently swipe away whatever remained of the tears I had shed. I allowed the bit of comfort but couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye, the floor seemed an interesting place as any to blankly stare at. "You don't mean that."
"I do, Harry. I really, really do. If not for this baby you'd have tortured me in just about any way possible by now. Why are you even keeping me here, huh? What is the point? You don't love me, you think you do, but you don't. You can't love this kid, you can't raise it, you can barely take care of grown men. What are you gonna do when the kid needs diapers, food, attention, care, affection, a father? When it cries too much, you just gonna scream and throw a tantrum and hit me cause I'm a shit mother? When I'm not there and you're forced to take responsibility what then? What the hell then?" The room went silent except for the beeps from the machines and light clatter from the rest of the hospital outside of it.

"What are you saying? Do you not want this?" his voice was hoarse now, lowered and calm. I looked everywhere but at him, my head shaking slowly. "I don't. I-"
"You don't? Look me in the eye and say that and I'll believe you." My lips quivered in response, yet I still couldn't bring myself to do it. "I don't Harry, please stop." I choked out putting a limp hand on his chest pushing him back gently, trying to regain my personal space only to have his hand envelope mine and keep it there, stuck against his rapidly beating heart. "I said look at me. Do you want to end it, end it all, lose this kid and go back home and forget me?" With his heart at the palm of my hand, the sound of my own on the monitor and his forehead now pressed flush against mine, I had no answer. He knew I was powerless to his manipulation, but maybe he needed this just as much as I did. "Kiss me." He spoke breathlessly as he pulled back from my face slightly, forcing me to finally look him in the eye. My eyes darted between his forest-like orbs, holding me hostage. "Please," his voice hushed, eyes now fixed on my lips, but he didn't move, he could have if he wanted. He could take it, but he wanted me to initiate this, more than anything I wanted to feel something other than pain. I tilted my chin brushing my nose against his, before running my hand up his chest and tracing every muscle which led to his jaw and finding its final resting place on his cheek with his hand still firmly encompassing mine as he leant forward closing the distance between us. I creased my brows tugging him closer, he let out a slow breath through his nose the air cascading against my flushed cheek. It was the closest form of relief I had.

I pulled away, turning my head from his resting my hand across my chest as I slowly folded my arms. "I'm tired, I need rest. Please." I muttered licking my bottom lip, still feeling him there. "Okay...but what are you gonna do about the baby?"
"Not- Not now, please." I sighed shaking my head before he nodded, "Just promise me you're still gonna be here when I come back."
"I won't leave." I whispered glancing up at him in confirmation, he gave a slight nod of his head lowering the bed back to normal before turning around and making his way to the door.