Orphan

Chapter 37

I felt every muscle in my body tremble as I stood frozen in the steaming hot shower. The steam covering every crook and crevice of the bathroom. Everything had suddenly become so clear and so vague at the same time. Why do I care for these people who, for as long as I've been here, sought out to do nothing but hurt me.
I was dumbfounded by the idea. I had a hard time differentiating my tears from the streaks of water running down my face from my damp hair as I stood under the running showerhead. I tapped my index finger anxiously on my bicep as I wrapped my arms around myself, almost subconsciously covering up how exposed I was. Not just physically, but emotionally as well. I was raw. The physical pain I felt was nothing to what I felt just a moment ago.

I stood there silently, listening to the water droplets hit the ground, feeling every single one of them cling to my skin and disappear. My heart obeying the steady rhythm of the sound of all that surrounded me.

"Are you alright in there?" Harry's deep voice broke through the silence, causing me to jolt, nearly losing my balance in the slippery shower. Earning a pained noise from my wet fingers dragging themselves down the steamed glass. My memories flashed to the way he pushed me up the glass window in front of Hunter and my heart began to race once more. "I'm coming in. Is the door open?" I mentally screamed, breathing out in a huff. Was the door ever allowed to be locked in the first place?

As the door handle creaked I turned my back to the shower door, I faced the dripping walls and continued to cradle myself. The door slowly closed and I heard the latch.
Harry's footsteps ceased for a moment...then gradually began again.
And again.
And again.

It got louder as the dirt from under his shoes crumbled beneath his weight. I held my breath and wiped my eyes to rid it of any type of indication that I was crying. Not that it helped, I couldn't wipe away the red pain which vibrantly shone through when I hated it most. "Are you okay?" He croaked silently, nearly sounding sympathetic. Nearly.

"I.." I rid my voice of its weakening cracks by clearing my throat and began again. "I'm fine. I'm sorry, I'll wash the sheets and hang them out to dry." I finished rubbing my arm softly, my back still turned to him. Silence enveloped us as we stood there for a while, in perfect harmony for the first time in a long time. I hadn't moved to turn around, but I knew he was still there. I could feel his presence.

The water suddenly stopped streaming from the showerhead and I stood exactly as I was, as if nothing had changed. Harry's hand moved from the faucet and he placed it on my shoulder, his big hands were ice cold, probably due to the increase in my body temperature and the cold water he had to dry up a while ago.
My breath hitched in my throat. I felt suffocated. Like the steam surrounding us both had suddenly become smoke.

His gaze burned through me and I accidentally let an involuntary sniff erupt from my nose. Smart.
"If you're crying...because of me. Don't..." He muttered confidently as his hand left my shoulder and I calmed. "...I'm not worth it." He trailed off as he disappeared with the steam out of the door, which slammed shut shortly behind him.

I shook my head hastily, shoved back any and every thought I had and wrapped myself in a towel, jolting out of the bathroom dripping with water and anxiety all mustered up in a lavender fresh smell. The door swung open with a whoosh, silence filled the air which allowed the sound emanating from the wind. "If I treated you the way you guys treated me you'd hate me! So why don't I hate you?" I sniffed staring at the back of his head, his hair matted slightly from the steam just moments earlier as he turned around and faced me, crossing his arms condescendingly over his toned chest. "If I treated you the way everyone else treated me, you'd kill yourself. So why am I still alive?" He counteracted, biting softly on his bottom lip as his face laced with surprise. As if he tried to stop himself from speaking.

"Why are you still alive?" I asked quietly, keeping my composure as the cold air covered my once warm body. I was going to get sick if I didn't stop with the cold and heat, but right now that didn't matter.
His plump, pink lips parted slowly, then paused. His irises shot up to meet mine before darting down to his arms which had dropped to his sides. "Are you going to answer me?" I asked quietly as his nostrils flared and it seemed his eyes burned with a fire I had only grown to fear; only this time, I wasn't afraid.
His right leg stepped forward and his hands reached out before him, but quickly drew back.

"You wanna hurt me don't you? Anytime I get too close or find out too much you wanna hurt me... Yet once upon a time back in my room when you told me about your past you said no one ever asked. Well I'm asking now Harry. The girl you keep abusing in every way humanly possible and whose still insane enough to keep taking it!" I choked out as my hands trembled and my towel dropped to the floor. He stared at my body briefly, then turned his head slowly, as if he were ashamed to see every bruise his hands had made in acts of passion and lust. "What? You can't look at what you did? Huh?" I cooed walking towards him as his constantly furrowed eyebrows softened and he stared at me. "What Harry? You gonna hit me because I'm talking back?" I asked as he turned away, but I quickly turned him back grabbing him by the face. "Go on. Do it." I muttered softly as I watched his shaking hands lift ever so slightly. "Hit me. I'm completely exposed. That is how you like it right? When I'm open in every way so you can manipulate and see through me." I frowned dropping my hand from his face as he stared me in the eye, only this time I stared back without hesitation.

"Do it." I dared as I pushed him back, he growled giving me a look that pierced my soul. "Do it!" I yelled hitting his chest as he swiftly gripped my neck and shoved my body up against the cold wall, my feet slowly lifted from the ground and my vision started to become blurry from the tears.
My breathing increased rapidly, but the air wasn't reaching my lungs. I panted for air slowly and gently, trying to keep calm as I stared at the man choking me. He had fire in his eyes. Passion.

If this was the way I was meant to die at least I died at the sight of serenity and deadly fierce passion, by the hands of a man who couldn't be explained with any amount of words in any language. Who's thoughts couldn't be explained by any artwork. I watched his lips shiver as his jaw clenched and his teeth tightly shut his mouth. He continued to stare up at me, I could see his hands on me, but I couldn't feel it anymore. It was in that moment for a split second his eyes softened and he was that boy. That boy who was broken, in my room, at my dinner table with my family. His lips found mine in a haste as he pinned my neck to the wall. I couldn't breathe and this kiss was taking the last of my breath, but I didn't mind giving him the last of my life.

I felt his lips move from mine and the room started going black, his eyes seemed cold and the tear escaping them held everything he was feeling as he yanked his arm away from me and I dropped to the ground gasping for air like a fish out of water, holding onto my pained neck. He kneeled down beside me and tilted up my chin. "What you just felt, like the life being strangled from you and yet you still give your all to something that's constantly killing you because you feel it and you know its what you have to do. That's how I feel everyday. I'm so close to death, but I'm never close enough." He muttered standing up and going inside. I frowned lifting myself off the ground as I got my clothing back onto my shivering body and walked down the creaking steps.